I haven't heard a congrats from anyone in my family except for my parents and brother. We are 19 and 20 and are waiting 3 yrs till school is done... It seems like mom doesn't approve but keeps skirting around the subject. It is really stressing me out that my family isn't behind me in my decisions. I really need advice!!!
2007-10-26 08:44:36 · 24 answers · asked by jcnosky 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We have been together for 3 yrs. before we even got engaged. I have talked about marrying him my mom before and she kinda just brushes it off as if it won't really happen. I understand we are young and have a ton of learning to do, but we know we are right for each other. We are both very focused on school and that is are main priority. I am not worried that people aren't congratulating us, I am just worried that the people I have told don't approve. (my aunt, for example, was told by me and still hasn't said anything) My roommate is recently engaged and her friends and family are sending cards and such. I guess I figured that was the way it was for everyone...
2007-10-26 09:09:10 · update #1
dont worry i am 18 and my fiance is 20 and we get the same treatment... after a while it will stop being annoying and you will come to the point were you are down right determined to prove them wrong
good luck to you
2007-10-26 10:48:03 · answer #1 · answered by sport 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They probably aren't saying much because they think it's a phase and hoping you two will break it off before the big day. On one hand, they do have a point because you are young and college can really change people. I know it did for me. At this stage in your life you might be right for each other and while he might be a nice guy, your family might think that he's not mature enough to be a husband and you're not ready to be a wife. Marriage has nothing to do with a fairy tale. Love is work but it is worth it in the end if you're with the right person. I know a lot of people in college have the belief that marriage will somehow make their life easier when in reality it just adds another dimension of complexity. Relationships are work. I'm not saying you should break up with this guy, but wait a little longer like you plan to and see where life takes you. Also remember that engagement is really planning your wedding and your life together. It's not just an extension of dating.
2007-10-26 09:39:52 · answer #2 · answered by Rockit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congrats!! Don't let anyone tell you, you are too young. I am 20 and me and my husband recently go married. I got engaged when I was 18 and my family took it really hard for the first year. They didn't accept it nor would they say congrats. But now me and my mother are best friends and everything worked out in the end because they saw how much we loved each other. If you two love each other enough than that will carry you both through this. I know it's hard not to stress, but don't. If it's meant to be, it is meant to be. Good Luck!!!
2007-10-26 09:08:17 · answer #3 · answered by amrolraml 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically, they are probably just worried that you are too young, or you haven't been together long enough. My husband and I are 23 and 22, and got married in April 28. When we got engaged after being together a year and a half, we constantly got you are so young to be engaged or you need to experience life more. Mainly from friends and adults, our families were really happy. But the other people around us were a different subject. We then waited another year and like 4 months to get married, actually the weekend before graduation from college. People still think we are too young, and we just smile and know how happy we are and how we know we will be together forever. Just be happy for the two of you and people will follow suit, it's just a new and big news is the reason for the lack enthusiasm. Don't let it bother you or you will be like me and get and ulcer. In time things will be good! Good luck!Congrads also!
2007-10-26 08:55:35 · answer #4 · answered by MrsV042807 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are lucky that your parents congratulated you! With 3 years of school ahead of you before you actually get married, if I were a parent, I'd be sceptical.You are in love and hopefully this love will last. BUT - your parents know the facts - most enagagements/marriages/relationships at this young age do not last. They are happy for you but perhaps are thinking that if the engagement does not last, they would have saved you further embarrassment by not telling the world. Just do your studies, learn more about each other, plan your finances, and then - when the actual wedding date is within 6 months, your parents will be shouting their joy to the world. If getting congratulations is the most important thing to you, then perhaps you are insecure and emotionally not independent enough for marriage. Sorry.
2007-10-26 09:00:08 · answer #5 · answered by Wifeforlife 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's not only that you are so young but that you have 3 more years until you get married. Most engagements that long will result in the couple not actually getting married. They probably roll their eyes when they here about it. No offense. I'm just telling you why. Waiting 2 years to get engaged and then having 1 year to plan the wedding might have been different.
2007-10-26 09:15:19 · answer #6 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they think you are not ready...or think you don't know what you are doing.
The best thing to do is to be mature. Show them that you have a good head on your shoulders that is capable of making serious decisions. You may also need to take up some financial responsibilities and budget for your wedding. If you are standing there hoping they will fork out the money just because you are in school....that is a problem, and may be another reason why your mom may not approve.
Perhaps it's not you....it's him? They don't want to tell you that you are picking the wrong guy, but they just can't feel happy about marrying off their princess to someone unworthy (in their eyes)?
2007-10-26 08:53:04 · answer #7 · answered by Benji's Mommy 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for a family to let their baby grow up. Even though you're waiting 3 years, they still think it's too soon. People who get married in their 20s are more likely to get divorced. Im not saying anything bad as I am in my 20s and married but it's a fact that you can't brush under the rug.
Is he a good guy? Maybe they can't accept it because they can see things about him that you are blinded by or about.
either way...you're grown and can make your own decisions...ignore the fact that they're not excited for you. And use these 3 years to learn everything about your future husband so you know for sure what you're getting into. He'll NEVER change...good or bad
2007-10-26 08:53:04 · answer #8 · answered by hotrod luvin princess 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First, Congrats, second maybe because of your age and the time in between the engagement and the marriage, don't get me wrong long engagements are good but, I can't image not at least backing my child, but people and feelings change in three years you may love him more and more, which is great and before you get married you will know every little detail about him and he about you. You know mom's listen you should talk to her..
2007-10-26 09:26:46 · answer #9 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know any or the particulars, but does your family approve of your fiance'? Do you have a history that might make them not like the situation. Those are a few things that I would look at first. Maybe they are just not sure HOW to react. I would bring it up to them and let them know how you feel and see if they have any comments. If you wait those three years, I wouldn't see why there was a problem. Good luck!
2007-10-26 08:49:27 · answer #10 · answered by vanstelp 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give them time. It'll all work out. Perhaps there's a good reason why they feel you might not be ready - but they don't want to rain on your parade. If you are willing to consider what they have to say, then open up the lines of communication. If you're up in arms and are ready to get defensive at a drop of a hat, then perhaps the subject is best left alone for now.
2007-10-26 08:59:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋