My Husband and His Female Friend?

Question

My husband of 2 months has been friends with this female (Amber) for over three years and were once roommates when Amber's mom kicked her and Amber's 3 year-old daughter out of the house. (Amber was my husband's friend's girlfriend who passed away). Early in the relationship I went to each of them and confirmed that they never had ANY history together and they haven't. I also made sure that if they are to remain friends, there should be some boundaries because my husband is now a married man. So far they have complied with some of the boundaries but his friend has no friends of her own. Whenever there's a problem (or she just wants to talk), she calls or texts my husband at all hours of the day & night (which I've verbally disapproved of) . She continues to text my husband silly pictures of her little girl, asking him to watch her dog for days at a time, or comes over unannounced. I'm getting very annoyed. Am I being irrational or should I handle this myself?

Initially I didn't want them to break off their friendship because they knew each other before I came in the picture, but I'm at my wits end! We discussed this prior to us getting married. I feel like I'm sharing. If I wanted baby mama drama I would've married someone with kids.

I think she sees him as a hero figure and one who's a good male role model for her daughter. He has told her that they can't be as they were but obviously he didn't make it clear enough. Is it time for Amber and I to speak woman to woman?

She has been set up with other guys, and this cow will still call my husband to tell him all about it. My husband is afraid of how I will articulate my disapproval to her face to face but obviously he can't handle it so I will. Just because she's his friend doesn't mean she's mine, so right about now, my words have no limits. I do not share my husband, period.

Answer 1

I agree that you are in a tough position and normally would tell you to relax but her coming over without permission is a no-no. If I were you I would speak to her women to women and firmly tell her that she is not allowed to come over unannounces or when you're not home for that matter. If she continues then you are going to have to get petty. tell her hes not home when she comes over or calls the house phone. If she is any type of woman she will get uncomfortable after a while.

Answer 2

Question like this need to be address with seriousness
I guess your husband don't no the meaning of married
He has committed what I would call life time relationship
Except he want a divorce, He should respect his matrimonial
Home, There are issues he has to ignore, friendship should have
Ltd He should respect you just has you do not to keep everything
Open for his friend I repeat it again there mush be limitations in some in most cases
He or she might be family friend, But that dose mean that your husband
Take his house for granted, you said he knew his friend befor you come in
What stop him from getting marry to her since his friend was so much fund
Of him, look issues like this is not some thing one should take it for granted
I don’t have much to contribute

Answer 3

You are not being irrational. Wouldn't you feel intruded upon just the same if it was a GUY friend calling or texting your husband at all hours of day or night, inundating him with pictures, asking to dog-sit all the time, and dropping in unannounced? I know I would. Talk to your husband and ask him to respect the privacy that the two of you should share as a husband and wife. It has nothing to do with the gender of the intruder.

Answer 4

Oh honey I wish you the very best with this one! My ex and I (2years - lived together) went through a similar problem, except she completely disrespected me. I didn't like the way she acted around him and was upset about sharing him with her - but at the same time I loved him so much that I couldn't ask him to quit being friends with her on my behalf (although I would have loved for this to happen!)..... they had secret phone and email conversations quite often and I just got so fed up with it! It ended up breaking us up.

With my current bf, he had a "female friend" like this again! When I met her she was rude to me, and constantly seeking his attention (she'd freak if he talked to me, would squeeze her way in and put the attention back on her). I walked out on him that night at his social gathering, knowing that I could never put up with that again. He called the next day to see what was going on and I said "I don't like sharing my boyfriend, I refuse to compete for my mans attention with another female, I will not ask you to discontinue contact with this woman, but I do know that I can not handle being put in this situation, so I won't drag this out, I'm moving on because I deserve better." LOL, and to my surprise he BEGGED and BEGGED me to give him a chance to prove that I am all he wants and needs. I finally caved in, and we're still together a year later! The "other girl" still tries once in a while to get into our business and steal all his attention, but he knows it's either her or me, plus if she was such a great friend she would respect your relationship far more.

Best of luck, hopefully you can take some of my experience and apply it to your own situation! You need to get her out though, find her a man to keep her busy or something! lol if you don't, your life will be miserable and your relationship will be strained.

Answer 5

Wow.

I don't even hound my GIRLFRIENDS that much, let alone if I had a friend that was a married man.....

I have to say, I wouldn't be happy with some woman constantly coming around either...this is odd.

And the two of them being friends longer than you have been around holds NO WATER.

I have known PLENTY of people longer than my man, but HE is my first priority, and HIS feelings come before ALL others.

Answer 6

maybe find amber a friend or a boyfriend ,but she would still talk to your husband but she wouldnt be breaking the rules or anything and if she got a boyfriend then she would be busy with him and her dog and daughter. if she gets a friend im sure she would still hang around your husband alot.maybe u could ask her to go to the mall with u and u guys could talk and maybe she wouldnt be around as much you could tell her its ok to see him and text him but dotn coem unexpected call first and dont text anytime text in hours that r appropriate.GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!!!!!!

Answer 7

No you are not being irrational. They are not being considerate of you feelings. You need to keep standing you ground with the two of them. When she text or call when you are spending time with you husband, dare him to respond/answer it. Let him know that it you do not like their relationship but she will RESPECT you. And let her know the next time that you see her, exactly how you feel.

Answer 8

You are going to have to draw some serious lines in this friendship. Let them both no that you respect their friendship but your expectations are not on the same page as theirs. Explain to your husband that he is not respecting your wishes and he should be as you are the number 1 woman in his life. Amber needs to respect your wishes and or the friendship may have to be terminated. I am so sorry you have to deal with this.

Answer 9

I think you should sound it out with your husband, i am sure he would understand and make a better arrangement to handle his friendship. If you don't' see any improve or he asks what you want him to do, then tell him straight to his face.

Answer 10

You are NOT being irrational. Talk to HER directly, men are Not brave, your husband probably doesnt know how to say NO. Men are real chickens.
TALK TO HER. You need to address this problem ASAP but with her. And be harsh