This is going to sound pretty silly...however it is an ongoing problem at our house.?

Question

My step children are rude to me quite often, and my husband says it is nothing personal and that it is my imagination. I know differently, however they are his children and if this is way he sees it, I am convenienced that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. My step daughter just called and when I answered the phone, her dad is still at work, she said something to one of her brothers and just hung up on me. She is 16 and I am not mean to her. Should I tell my husband this happened or just drop it. I feel that this type of thing is driving a wedge between us....don't know what to do here....really!!!

Answer 1

First of all, you have to stand up for yourself. No one will respect you if you don't. When one of them are rude to you, just deal with it immediately. You don't have to be mean,ugly or get upset but just say something like, "I don't appreciate that tone of voice." or "I don't respond well when someone is being rude." etc.., and then go about your business.
Talk with your husband, it would really help if he backs you up. If he doesn't and if you are unable to demand some respect for yourself, their behavior will only continue to get worse.

Answer 2

Drop the small things like this. When you have an arguement with them, you are just letting them get what they want by making you mad. On the other hand, you need to discuss the situation with your husband and let him know you are going to make an effort to resolve the situation. That being said, ask for his support in backing you up when there is tension between you and his child. I am sure he loves you both, and I think he would respect your action to try to fix the relationship. If not, possbly video tape so all of you can see later what was said. It helps if you see an arguement and how you react after you have calmed down so you can see what others saw you do or react to. Finally how about family counceling. It doesn't mean things are coming to an end, rather that you are committed to improving the situation.

Answer 3

Step family situations are usually always tricky. Children often feel resentful towards their parents after divorce and re-marriage often comlicates the situation. While I agree that it is important to let people know you need to be respected - especially your husband - it is also important to understand how your step children might be feeling. Coming from a divorced family myself, I was angry and often found myself being unjustly rude to my father's girlfriends. If you truly want to make this family a family, I recommend being patient. I think it's also important to let kids know that you aren't trying to replace their biological mother but you do care about them otherwise you wouldn't have come into the family. The tough thing to face is that it can take a LONG time for children to adjust and accept these changes. Good luck, I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 4

This may sound weird coming from the ex-wife, but on one occasion I heard one of my daughters disrespecting their new step mom. I laid into her big time, I was so upset, she told me that she thought I would be mad if she were nice to her new step mom. Nothing could be further from the truth I told her she needed to apologize and explain why she had been behaving so badly. I guess my point is maybe they feel by being nice to you they are betraying their mom. Maybe you could sit down with them and let them know that your not trying to be their mom, just a part of their lives even if its just being cordial to each other for the sake of their dad's happiness.
For the record.... many years have passed since that incident and they are good friends now.

Answer 5

it is not silly, and you have only one way to take it: personally.
Please, talk to your husband and set some plain rules.
If he chose you as a wife and you chose him as a husband, then he must be concerned about your well being the same way you are concerned about his. He might not realize how hard it is for you, so please, explain it to him just as well as you did on Yahoo. You deserve the respect from your husband, and if his children can not and will not be polite with you, it is his responsibility to clarify things for them: he is married and he loves you and he will not allow anybody to be rude to you.
I also would stop them when they are rude, just let them know that you understand that they are rude and do not allow it.
I wish you good luck, it is a serious problem.

Answer 6

Make a list for the next month. Date...time...what they did in detail. Then present this to your husband and tell him you will not stand for this treatment any longer. They are probably trying to drive a wedge between the two of you because of jealousy. Tell him so.

Answer 7

Well, you need to definitely let him know about this, but do remember, they came first and you will always be second to them. I would definitely just always be respectful to them and when they are in your house be nice but if they are rude, please point out that they do not need to be rude to you and you won't be rude to them. That you are not trying to replace their mom. Your husband should be putting his foot down with the rudeness and if he's not, I suggest therapy for the two of you but don't have high expectations. He created the, that should speak volumes.

Answer 8

GRANDMA HERE.. Sometimes the kids are instructed by the other parent to act this way. Sit your husband down and let him know that the way they treat you is not acceptible. They could have a rule to call only when he is home.
Stand your ground

Answer 9

yes tell your husband. 2nd of all, try and take each one of step children out for a day. but individually.

Answer 10

first of all try talking 2 the kids.make them understand u r there 2 share their life.tell them u dont mean to come between them.it is family.