So I grew up with really bizarre parents that were drunk and absent all the time, and would make me eat in my bedroom because they didn't want to hear me eat, and would get hysterical if I needed anything like shoes or medical care. I called 911 during an episode, but couldn't get through because my dad pulled the phone out of the wall.
So then I went to college, I wanted to be a nurse. I thought all this crud could be put to something good, and I could help people. After struggling immensely socially, I met someone and wanted to get married. I majored in something completely random and easy after not getting in to nursing school (even with my 3.7), so that I could get married, because he didn't want to get married until we were both finished with college. I wanted so badly to get married and have a normal family for the 1st time in my life, that when he changed his major and was going to take longer to graduate I dumped him so that I could get married sooner.
2007-10-26 07:25:47 · 13 answers · asked by love 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
So, then I met someone else right as I was graduating with my random BS degree in speech therapy (which you can’t use w/o a master’s), and he proposed 8 months after meeting. I was excited at first, because fiancé number one was still in college and would have not been able to get married for two more years. Now, at 22, I could finally have a family unit!! I moved to follow fiancé number two’s employment. He quit two weeks after he started, and things have just been a disaster, except it was good for me to get away from my parents. I still love number two, but he just doesn’t talk to me like number one did. I can’t get him to open up or even talk about his day. He’s postponing our wedding too- and I am sure my issues are a large portion of the reason.
2007-10-26 07:25:58 · update #1
I am trying to get my life back on track. I am taking some extra perquisites for nursing school that are needed at the schools where I am living now, but am taking things slow and working as a CNA(which I love), b/c I am too big of a nutcase to handle an RN program now. I also think about getting a master’s in social work, but I want to be able to provide for my kids when I feel normal enough to have one or adopt in a way my parents couldn’t. Still I feel immensely depressed, & I just don’t have many of the social-emotional skills to deal with problems that parents are supposed to teach their kids by example or by allowing them to play with other kids which I really couldn’t do. I think about suicide a lot. More than anything I just want someone to validate what happened, b/c some of the sources of my pain aren’t that believable. So after all this- my question is how do I get my faith back after going through all this? I want to believe in God, but I just don’t know how.
2007-10-26 07:27:12 · update #2
I go to church and feel like I have turned over every stone to try and have faith but I can't after all the hand that has been dealt to me.
2007-10-26 07:29:16 · update #3
DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIIL YOU GET COUNSELING!!!
Your marriage WILL fail if you don't get help. You are using a man/family as a substitute for the family you never had. It won't work!
Get help ASAP.
Oh and "Faith come by hearing the word of God." Read the New test.
†
2007-10-26 07:32:34 · answer #1 · answered by Jeanmarie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
WELL,
Ok let't think about this.
Your parents were strange and it seems that they couldn't handle the little annoying things of everyday life, so they made their child (or children) miserable.
Now you are trying to get the life you always wanted by marrying - essentially, according to your post - the first guy who is available or willing to marry you.
Can you see that this is a big error in judgement?
I am not blaming you. Being screwed up by wacko parents can happen to the best and smartest of people ( and i do not know what exactly their problem was, but it seems severe, and has affected your life and your self esteem very much!).
Anyway, please take time out and work to support yourself. Meanwhile, learn about yourself and your strengths, what makes you special and unique, and what you enjoy in life the most, for instance: hobbies, exercise/ physical workouts, meditation, helping other people, any art form or creative thing that you do.
Take time to get to know YOU and think about what will really make you happy.
It's really impossible to create an ideal family with a faulty premise, i.e., that you want it and any guy will fit your idea of a perfect husband & partner.
You might have a community Mental Health office (most counties and some cities do - go in the phone book or online and CHECK!). If you find an office nearby, please stop by and begin thereapy - even if it's just talking in a group for now!
Once you figure out yourself, your needs, and what you need to do in order to accomplish goals, start doing whatever it takes to achieve the goals.
If you are interested in counseling by a priest or minister, find a church and ask them.
Marrying will not solve your problems, but might compound them.
You don't want that, do you?
Take care of yourself and take time to think thins ourt. Good luck. You deserve better than being stuck in a marriage with someone you don't feel close to!
Get some help figuring out what your best options are!
2007-10-26 15:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by Tanya968 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man, you're in a bad deal. But cheer up girly. You're only 22, and have a whole life ahead of you!
I know that you want to get married ASAP... but is that really the right intention? I mean, if you just take the first guy that is "OK" that will marry you, are you truly going to be 100% happy for the rest of your life? And will the marriage even last for that long? Will you be able to live with eathother knowing that you are just "OK" with eachother?
Patience sucks...but it is a virtue. If you love number one fiance...and you can see youself with him forever....just wait. I mean, 2 years may seem like a long time... but how long is forever? Forever is what a marriage is suppose to be. Take the option that will last a lifetime...not a parttime.
2007-10-26 14:35:46 · answer #3 · answered by amber_lanae28 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have already not concentrating your career as well as life towards a charming end. Since you want to get some pleasure of married life so you are forcing your fiance to get married soon. Your fiance is on the right track as he chooses his career first. Why you don't understand that having no arrangement of perks how can he feed both of you?
Why are you getting so hurry in marriage?
It can be on the track after waiting for a year and then get married and spent happy married life as well as simultaneously concentrate on your career also.
Don't put yourself in other relationship that too disturb your present life
2007-10-27 00:35:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Life can be extremely rough, and to continue to survive at times is all one can do. But one needs to be as, proactive as one can be, to maker yourself stronger, and become more like a spiritual warrior. How do you do this? It is like any training program, it takes time and the changes are subtle, but accumulate over time. A lot of people have relatively easy lives compared to you, so you are already stronger than them, you just don't realize that fact. A good program involving meditation/prayer, exercise, counseling, and diet over time, can make you stronger, depending on how much you put in it. Do what you can, quality is a lot of times more important than quantity. Just do your best, and don't worry too much about things.
2007-10-26 14:49:48 · answer #5 · answered by astrogoodwin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You've been thru alot. You're gonna be able to help alot of women one day. The place to start is prayer. Even if you don't feel it, keep praying. God didn't save you from the ocean to let you drown in a bath tub. You've come a long way. Don't give up!
Marriage isn't the answer. It isn't gonna fill that God-shaped void youre trying to fill. Don't rush this thing.
2007-10-26 14:33:58 · answer #6 · answered by christian_me 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well God its not the answer. You need to get your emotional issues straight. getting married won't solve anything. Don't do it just to have a normal family. If you are not emotionally stable don't get married. a marriage its a hard thing to go through. there will be ups and downs and if you aren't not prepare for that you will end up dumping your husband and be left with kids and a divorce and eventually back to square one. Discover yourself first. Wait till you find someone you really love and want to get married for that reason.
2007-10-26 14:33:55 · answer #7 · answered by Pancho G 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You made a mistake leaving that man, and now you have to live with it. It could be that fact that you're upset that you gave up a great guy for a decent guy because of your greed. You need therapy. You have too many issues with the past that you need to work out before you get married.
2007-10-26 14:29:25 · answer #8 · answered by Nerds Rule! 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Before you learn to walk you have to crawl. Take little steps before you take the big leaps. With God's help you can do this. Seek him and invite him into your heart. He will help you to grow and learn how to cope with what you've had to deal with. Love yourself. God Bless you! You have a bright future ahead of you.
2007-10-26 14:48:18 · answer #9 · answered by B"Quotes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you sure have been through it.... I'd recommend a Christian counselor to help you work through some of this, most normal church people won't really know how to help you. Try:
http://www.newlife.com/Articles/article.asp?libid=1013
Please don't give up, I believe you can come through all of this in flying colors. God bless...
2007-10-26 14:35:35 · answer #10 · answered by Rossonero NorCal SFECU 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋