What do you do if you're asked to be in a wedding and you absolutely cannot afford the dress you have to wear?

Question

Oh dear.

My brother's fiancee wants me to be in her wedding. I'm honored, and I want to be in my brother's wedding.

The problem is that the dress is OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive and there is no way at all whatsoever that I can afford it unless I go without eating or pass up on other bills for a month.

Has anyone ever been in this dilemma? What did you do?

By outrageous I mean 300$. I think that's crazy, though someone spending 2,000.00 on her dress (she's loaded) probably thinks it's a steal.

Answer 1

If you're close enough to her, I would tell her exactly in the way that you worded your question. OR I would tell your brother if you're not as close to her.

"I'm incredibly honored that you want me to be in your wedding, and I absolutely want to do it, but I really don't think that there is any way for me to afford the cost of the dress"

Maybe you'd be able to work something out with the place where you're ordering the dress to do a payment plan. Where I got my bridesmaid's dress for my sister's wedding, we were able to put down a certain amount of money after each fitting? If not, maybe your brother (or Mom?) can put down the money and you can give them a payment every month (OR you could put it on a credit card...which eh, isn't great, but same theory)

Answer 2

I would inform my brother about this matter. I know that you want to be in the wedding, but if your are financially unable then he should understand. I wouldnt say starve yourself or pass up on bills ( create debt ) but I would say talk to him and see what he has to say. Is there any way you can borrow from someone- relative, friend,etc. If not , he should understand totally. Maybe you should ask her if she can find a less expensive dress also. Tell her your circumstances. During my moms wedding planning two of her brides maids dropped out of the wedding at the last minute, because the dresses were too expensive. My mom talked to them, and went back to the wedding boutique. She found dresses that were less expensive, and matched the other brides maids dresses somewhat. Just see what your brother says, and talk to his fiance too.

Answer 3

You need to talk to your brother and his fiancee together about this. It will go better if you talk to both of them together, it will keep emotions more level. Simply tell the bride the truth, just like you said it here. Tell her that you're honored about being in the wedding, however you simply cannot afford the dress she's chosen, and you will have to decline the invitation to serve as a bridesmaid. Keep your thoughts about the dress to yourself--that's an opinion that's it's outrageously expensive (one that I share, for what it's worth), just keep it to the facts. She will then do one of 2 things. She'll either offer to buy the dress for you, or she'll accept your decision graciously. Just remember what Joe Friday said in Dragnet..."Just the facts, ma'am." Keep it to the facts (you can't afford it) and you'll be fine. Good luck!

Answer 4

Everybody's definition of outrageous is going to be different but if you can't afford the dress you just need to be honest with your bride.

"Marie, I am so happy for you and Mark and I would do anything for you and can't wait to support you on your big day. However, the dress you have chosen is very far out of my price range. Is there any way to find a lower costing dress or maybe I can help you in some other role that doesn't require as much out of pocket?"

Answer 5

Ask your brother or parents if you can borrow money for the dress and pay it back in time. If that's not an option, you'll have to politely decline, explaining what the limitation is. Perhaps there is another role you could play in the wedding that wouldn't require buying a dress. Just talk to them about it and be honest. And polite.....no woe is me stuff.

Answer 6

Tell your brother or ask your parents to pay for half. I know that if my brother were getting married my parents would be very willing to pay for half, if they knew my situation. $300 is too much for a bridesmaid dress. Especially since it will probably require $50 or more in alterations. Don't say anything to the bride. She will only tell all of the other bridesmaids, her friends and family that you are cheap and then you will have to live with the aftermath. Talk to your brother confidentially or your mom or something only.

Answer 7

You should tell your brother and his fiancee exactly what you've told us here. If they want you to be in the wedding, they should be willing to work with you to find a solution.

Some bridal shops have payment plans where payments are spread out over a series of months or even a couple of years. It would be worth asking if this is a possibility.

Quite frankly, I am shocked that bridal parties are expected to pony up for all of their own expenses. I know weddings are expensive as they are (we eloped to avoid much of that cost and frustration), but in my opinion the briday party should help with or even entirely cover the cost of their bridesmaids and grooms' garments. At the very least people should be decent enough to choose reasonably priced garments that fall within the budgets of all involved.

Answer 8

Wow! I'd simply explain that you can't afford the dress, but are very honored to be asked. I can't imagine this situtation. My friends kept the dresses affordable, and I bought for my wedding party. I also had a small wedding though, so wasn't as bad as a big wedding.

Answer 9

I'm in the same exact boat as you are. I have managed to get my mom to pay for it and I'm paying her back weekly. You could try borrowing the money from someone? Or just simply say that the dress is way to expensive for just 1 day! Maybe you can look at different places, if it's from a bridal shop they will usually have the same dresses at different stores for a different price (maybe cheaper).

Answer 10

You have to decline without explanation. If you give your reason, it will look like you are "fishing" for your new SIL to offer to pay for the gown. Even if she does offer to buy your dress, be cautious about accepting. Other BMs may resent you getting "special treatment" or someone may make an unkind remark. Best to avoid even the potential for ill will where new inlaws are concerned. Being an ordinary guest is usually more fun than being a member of the wedding party anyhow.