A poem. Comments welcome.?

Question

Okay, I will finally bite, out of the same urge that propels the awful vanity contests. If someone like Todd would reply, I'd appreciate it (a nod to your skills, man).
This is longitude.


Longitude

Magnetic fluxlines of organization
spill outward from the dark secret
heart of the Arctic ocean,
frozen,
yet, we know, fluid
time cracked into discrete floes -
a grin of pack ice
incisors wedged securely behind
obscurity’s overfull lips.

They ripple through, divide and conquer us,
rule us like loose leaves, blueblood
veins rushing their rabid hormone, civilizin.
They set the tempo of the human heart
beat, instruct it on where & when it lives and why.

By Tropic of Capricorn they know they’re almost done -
convene at the summit on that anti-Arctic ocean, that craggy capital
clock of terrain gone over to freezing time,
to pour themselves into a singular definition
The world can turn on.

And I know longitude, not
gravity straps us
to this spinning surface.

to dependable riffraff - my poems are like my paintings in that every element they contain, no matter how abstract, has layers of explanation behind it. The poem is not a lie any more than one that says "I will love you forever" when the poet will not even exist forever. The main statement here which you apparently missed is that our time zones and global grid lines control us more than we control them. Furthermore I'm not posting any more work to Y!A because raters generally seem to handle poems up to about a high school level and anything past that just confuses them.

Answer 1

It's a very masculine poem, derived of a mix of science and emotion that was actually pleasant and different from other things i've read before. It didn't exactly make any definitive statement, but it wasn't your typical angst, which is a lot of what you get these days. Kudos for originality.

Answer 2

While it is excellent in that it is not typical, your poem falls into the other big pit of mediocrity; it is a lie. The words are interesting but they are too ambiguous to have meaning. It is the visual equivalent of a stick, 3 colours of paint, some leftover chicken, and a Steve McQueen film all thrown in the street along with the majestic proclamation, "This is my portrayal of the anxiety felt by unemployed Peruvian bricklayers!"
Or something like that.

Answer 3

I like the flow that seemed a little jagged, would probally sound quite good when done from stage at a coffee house. Since I like such play of words and parameter, my spelling takes from such implications.
Props ! I liked it!