When she speaks about her past sex-life, it's vulgar and over-the-top. The details are just FAR too much. Her first boyfriend forced her to engage in oral, and once tried to throw something at her. A member of her extended family once slapper her when she was a young child, he was an alcoholic. She described her first time to me and said the guy was "amazing" and he was "like a porn star." Once I couldn't get it up and she suggested seeing a doctor or getting counseling. What's up with all the sex being so extreme? Are there underlying issues here? This all just seems very strange...
2007-10-26 06:12:58 · 21 answers · asked by The Rainmaker 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Its ironic that she reflected her unconscious needs on you when she is the one who is in desperate need of counceling.
Currently, you are both experiencing sex and how to be with each other, until one day... When you are no longer serving each other, you will move on to a more mature and meaningful relationship.
In the mean time, your self esteem and ego are still developing and she is bating you with her personal issues because she is in denial that she needs counceling.
Whether her problems are serious or not, its not your job to fix her, so the next question is to explore why you are allowing yourself to listen to her passive aggressive comments.
Think about it, she is saying that you are sexually inadequate by comparing you to this "porn star" and this kind of intimidation has caused you not to get it up.
She is probably attracted to you because you are a good listener who takes the abuse in exchange for feeling needed or wanted.
Despite what happened in her past, welcome to the human condition, and if you stop taking her seriously... It will be no big deal anymore.
Anyone who doesn't have a messed up problem probably is lying or is a fictional character, so just be aware that its her trusting you enough to dump on you and she doesn't even realize that its unexceptable to do that do you.
Relationships are all a part of discovering yourself, what you will or will not tolerate, and means of growth in order to move on in life for something better.
Just put your foot down and let her know that its not okay for her to be doing this to you even if it means losing her, and if that scares you... Then you have an issue that needs to be addressed, and that is your fear of not being needed or wanted at the cost of someone putting you down.
Read the book, "The Missing Piece" it really hits the nail on the head even though its a children's book.
2007-10-26 06:19:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Im guessing you two are sorta young but not too young. One she shouldnt be telling you the over the top details like that, if anything she should say its worse than it was because it doesnt make you feel good. and Two I think she was sexually abused at some point(the one BF making her do oral, that is abuse) and maybe more, this is why its so extreme. By the way just because you cant get it up one time or even a couple times it could be because youre stressed and there is no reason for you to see a doctor. I could see this happening especially when she has told you about her supposed "porn star like" ex's. Its intimidating.
2007-10-26 06:18:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think it is perhaps at least a bit unnerving, and I can see why you are having concerns and are thrown aback about this. Perhaps she may have PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That isn't just a "wartime" affliction, it crosses into any and all mental trauma life can and will throw at any one of us, at any given time. She may have also had worse problems than the ones she's divulged to you. Is she this forthcoming with other topics? Is it only with sex? These admissions she's made to you could underline other conditions with her. See if you can talk to her about these "sexually explicit" subjects in her life, and let her know that you have an issue with it. See how she responds to it, then take it from there. Openness in a relationship is truly the only way to resolve pending issues that one another may have. Open communication sets for a tone of honesty, and trust. If you trust that she won't blow up at you when you approach her about this, she will entrust an answer to you... perhaps.
Give it a try. Good luck.
2007-10-26 06:22:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
not something is faulty with you. possibly you're the two terrified of the unknown. that's various tension to your first time. there is plenty disadvantages linked with intercourse (ailments, undesirable pregnancies and so on) and then there is the sensation of inadequacy ( "what if i don't do *sparkling* real?") save speaking with your bf, and once you do settle directly to journey intercourse, practice wisely. there isn't something incorrect with waiting, the two. there are a number of different issues you may nicely be doing, exploring one yet another's bodies that are very satisfying. come across and communicate approximately what does experience real and bypass on from there. There are some interesting books on the marketplace for this besides. the excitement of intercourse can help an green person advance into familiar with the unknown. the main severe is which you and your companion share the mutual thoughts approximately this, so one among you do not experience forced.
2016-09-27 22:40:40 · answer #4 · answered by pellish 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok for starters unless the guy had a gun to her head you can't force a girl to perform oral on a guy! So if she really didn't want to perform..and he didnt have a gun or something, she could have bit him then ran off!
She was slapped as a child...ok was there anything sexual with it because I know a lot of children who get smacked for whatever reason
Her talking like that about her first time to you is really giving you a lot of live up too, maybe she still has fantasys about him, and maybe she just isn't the right girl for you.
If sex isn't easy for you to talk about with her, then you shouldn't be having it with her.
2007-10-26 06:20:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but it does sound that way. It doesn't mean that she is like this now but she does need to know just b/c you can't "get it up" every once in a while doesn't mean you have to see a councilor or a doctor either. IT HAPPENS to most men out there and if they said it doesn't THERE LYING! I can relate to her in a way. I have had a pretty disturbed past that I just don't share to anyone these days but it doesn't mean I am a lesser person for it either. Don't judge her for her past but the person she is today. Good luck.
2007-10-26 06:18:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to remember that every person is difference and likes different types of sex. Perhaps she is enjoys rougher sex than you, and there is nothing wrong with either of you. I once dated a girl who was more modest in the bedroom than myself, and even though we loved eachother and dated for over a year and a half, the temptation just continued to grow. You should really explain to each other what you expect the sex to be like, try it, and if you do not enjoy what she does, perhaps it was not meant to be.
2007-10-26 06:18:20 · answer #7 · answered by Big Daddy G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she's just too sexually adventurous for you. I can speak from experience, if you've had that boyfriend that was unbelieveable in bed, it's frustrating to be with someone who can't do for you what he did. Firstly, tell her that putting pressure on you to perform isn't going to help anything. And if you're open to it, ask her what she'd like. If you don't want the kind of sex she does, then end it. Don't expect her to suddenly decide that she likes simple, boring sex, cause it sounds to me like she doesn't.
2007-10-26 06:19:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why in the hell would your girlfriend be discussing her past sex life with you? That's what's weird to me. You got some issues alright. You got 2 choices here: just take this chick for what she is and enjoy the relationship for what it is and for the short time it is going to last, OR, if you're looking for something a little more long-term, run away as fast as you can and save yourself a whole lot of headaches and heartaches.
2007-10-26 06:19:57 · answer #9 · answered by bigorangefan 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
your gf is weird dude. how long have you been together , if not long you might want to run now. there is definitely some underlying issues , and she apparently has turned out strange because of them, that isn't a normal behavior. I was raped when i was a little younger and i have some sex issues but that's too freaking weird even to a rape victim.
2007-10-26 06:18:59 · answer #10 · answered by Linda p 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋