"You are a sweet dream to me, i never want to wake from the sleep...
Fill my heart with your sweetness , so that i can preserve you in my Temple of Love"
....
2007-10-26 05:59:31 · 20 answers · asked by Prince 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow, it sounds great. You should write some more.
2007-10-27 03:18:09 · answer #1 · answered by ♫Di [Pro-Love, Anti-Hate]♫ 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Not a bad start ... im sure u can do better ... here are some suggestions u can use if u like :
You are my sweetest Dream,
in which ure absence
transforms into just a seem.
Ure vividness is sharp as a knife
which makes me want
to become a dreamer for life !!!
I open my soul and my heart,
so you can fill in all ure
sweetness with a love dart !!!
That gift I would cherish,
lock it in my Temple of Love
so it could never vanish !!!
There it is ... perhaps my version is not "perfect" either but u can use it or work around it, put in ure own ideas ... well that would be my gift to you ... he he he ... Best of Luck !!!
♦☆♦ Beware 0f The Gypsy Curse ♦☆♦
2007-10-26 10:19:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a nice idea for a song. Try to use different and imaginative words. Also it will sound better if you reduced the # of words in the 2nd line.
For example: instead of Preserve.. why not use Cherish
"Fill my heart with your sweetness.. let me cherish you in my Temple of Love."
Use a Thesaurus .. it will help a lot to find similar meaning words.
Good Luck!
2007-10-26 08:36:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole sweetness temple of love thing is a bit cheesy for me, plus you just used the word sweet in the previous line.
It's off to a good start. I like the first line, but not the second.
2007-10-26 06:07:47 · answer #4 · answered by rorybuns 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey i am a song writer my self and trust me that sounds good, but make sure you give it to the rite woman ok, just finish it and lets see what happen, probably you can make a poem out of it and if you can complete it thats going to be one mind blowing poem ok bro.
2007-10-26 06:09:00 · answer #5 · answered by VANCE 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it better than what i could do but truthfully. you use all these love e dove words then you go and use a word like preserve you need to rethink that one.
2007-10-26 06:10:32 · answer #6 · answered by XlouX 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings for love are great
but experience can only explain the truth
2007-10-26 06:04:50 · answer #7 · answered by money.vishu 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The meaning is wonderful. You just need to make them rhyme!
Take it as an encouragement!
Good luck!
2007-10-26 06:10:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this is the first time you have tried composing... this isnt a bad start...... You can do much better.....
Good luck....
2007-10-26 07:26:40 · answer #9 · answered by Why Me ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
itz good except for the last line>>temple..of blah blah
2007-10-26 07:27:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok, if this is your first time then its fine...i wouldnt make this your career. if u wanna give that to someone you may wanna think more about it and change it around a little.
2007-10-26 06:04:11 · answer #11 · answered by justinnnnn7 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋