need a good joke. don't care about rudeness.?

Answer 1

Rude 1?

The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children.
The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER:Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God up there?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. Possibly he just doesn't exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes!
LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yes!
LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly may not even have one!

or this?

While awaiting their respective flights in the Bozeman, Montana, airport, three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge.

One is a Native American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is an Arab student, who has recently arrived from the Middle East to attend Montana State University. Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim. The conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, and tips his big, sweat-stained hat forward to cover his face. As the men continue to wait for their planes, outside the sky grows dark, tumbleweeds are blowing across the tarmac, and the old windsock is flapping in the breeze.

After the silence becomes unbearable, the American Indian clears his throat and softly speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few." The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?" The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl.

"That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'."

Answer 2

This joke is best told through acting! After a long drive, a city man walks into an unfamiliar roadside country pub. He asks the barman where the toilet was. The barman points it out to him. The man walks over, opens a door, goes in but returns to the bar immediately. "There is no toilet paper or water there and I need to do number 2". He says. The barman smiles at him and says, "We have a special system here Sir!. After we have finished our 'big business', we wipe our bottom with a forefinger and HUMAN LIPS CLEAN IT. The city man, nearly bursting by now, shakes his head on queer little country customs and walks over to the toilet. After he is finished, as instructed he wipes his bottom with his forefinger and sticks it up in the hole in the ceiling over his head. Suddenly, he screams 'Ouch', pulls his finger out, puts it in his mouth and sucks on it just as the barman had said. (Unbeknown to him, a dwarf sits on the roof holding a hammer. His job is to hit the finger with the hammer every time one appears through the hole....)

Answer 3

in a class room,one day teacher asks a the "students can u say some thing which we can suck"?

sucy raises her hand and says ice cream
teacher:good!sucy

Lucy: raises and says lollipop
teacher:marvellos lucy!sit

then next its johnny's turn and so he get ups and saya lamp.
everybody were surprised to hear LAMP.
then teacher asked him why lamp
he says yes teacher,yesterday i saw my mon saying "turn of the lamp honey,i want to suck it









There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

=D










in a anatomy class
there was a test
it was to cut cockroach
the test was to make conclusion on cockroach


one young man took of one leg of cockroach and said go
it began to run
he took another leg an said run and it began to run
angain he took the thirn leg and said run
it began to run
he took the 4th leg and said runbut it did not move
he wrote the conclusion
cockroaches become deaf if the legs of it are removed

Answer 4

Loosen up Grams.

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitches a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that !!!!

The teenager tells her, "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on, With her old wrinkled pair on show. The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her Grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it just is not appropriate .....

The grandmother says, "Loosen up Sweetie. If you can shown off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

Answer 5

Little Red Riding Hood encounters the Big Bad Wolf.
He jumps from the bushes and says: "I'm gonna get you Little Red Riding Hood"!
She pulls out a big gun and says: "No you're not you Big Bad Wolf...You're gonna eat me just like it says in the book"!

Answer 6

NEVER CHOKE IN A SOUTHERN RESTAURANT...

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. After ordering their cornbread and beans, they talk about the latest addition to their junkyard business.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shakes her head no.

"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd 'bout that there 'Hind Lick Manuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it."

Answer 7

Four girls, two brunette and two blonde decide to go out to the lake to go swimming.
On the way to the lake the brunette driving the car stops at a wheat field to take a picture of the swaying crop.
Noting that the car stopped and this must be the spot, the one blonde hopped out of the car, ripped of her clothes and dove into the wheat field trying to swim in the tall grass.

Annoyed the other blonde pointed out how stupid she was for pulling such a dumb move.
She commented to the other two girls “If I could swim, I would go out there and ***** slap her”.

Or my personal favorite...

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

Answer 8

a brunette, a red head, and a blonde are in a burning building. the firemen on the ground are holding a blanket and they yell up to the brunette, "jump its the only way you'll live!"

so she jumps and just before she reaches the blanket they move it and she crashes to the ground. then they yell up to the redhead, "jump its the only way you'll live!"

but the red head says to them, "no, you'll just move the blanket again." so they tell her, "no we won't. we dont like brunettes, but red heads are fine."

so she jumps and just before she reaches the blanket they move it and she crashes to the ground. then they yell up to the blonde, "jump, its the only way you'll live!"

but the blonde tells them, "no, you will move the blanket. so just set it down and back away"

------------------------------...

A wife was making fried eggs for her husband for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful... Careful!!! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful...Careful!!! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!"

The wife stared at him and asked, "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"


The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving with you in the car."

Answer 9

One day a blonde pulls up to a gas station and locks her key in the car. She goes inside, explains her predicament and asks the cashier if he has a hanger she can use. He gives her the hanger and watches her as she goes outside trying to jimmy the lock. She does this for a while and then another blonde inside the locked car tells her to move it over to the left.

Answer 10

what do you call a blonde with an IQ of 180?
A golden retriever
there was this little boy who wanted to take a shower with his parents.they said ok if just looked straight forward the whole time.he looked down and said,"Mommy,what is that?""umm.. grass.""o!"then he looked up."Mommy what are those?""Uh.Headlights.""o!"Then he was looking at his father then looked down."Daddy what is that?" "A snake." "O!"after the shower the little boy went to sleep.Then, he woke up because he was scared.He went to his mom and dad's room and went under the covers.He felt something and went to look."Mommy quik, turn on your headlights the snake is in the grass!"

Hope that you liked that joke!*< Aflac!