When I got pregnant my daughter was 18 months, I had a severe miscarriage where I almost died. She pushed me away and went to her daddy for everything. I became pregnant a third time & it was a life & death situation where I was on strict bedrest and had the surgery (to close the cervix @ 12 wks). I tried at the time to hold her as much as I could and sit and play with her in the bed. But she never came to hug me or deal with me like she does her dad. I feel she sees my pregnancies as my abandoning her. In fact I went over the top with her and while I was supposed to be on bedrest at 32 wks pregnant, on her 3rd b-day I got up out of bed to bake a cake and make her dinner for her birthday.
Now at five she says she doesn't feel loved, I bend over backwards for her and it's never good enough and I'm really concerned when she gets older-what our relationship is going to be like. I don't want it to end like it did with my mom. I have 2 kids I love both equally so what's going on?
2007-10-26 05:45:18 · 6 answers · asked by Guinness L♥ver 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Kids today just get too much. You are doing nothing wrong, She needs to learn at a young age that the world does not revolve around her. Teach her that she needs to be compassionate to other people. Like when your were having difficulties she should be taught that she should be helping you, and not being spoiled and saying you don't love her because you are physically unable to everything she wants you to do. Trust me you won't do her any favors by catering to her every whim. My little boy got that way. He was so used to getting everything he wanted. When he would come in from school, the first thing he would say is what did you get me or where are you taking me today. Let's just say that stopped, he now knows that love and being there is what is important not what I can give him or do for him. I took him to buy and wrap a present for needy kids at x-mas. We had a blast we spend quality time together while at the same time doing for others. He said it felt good to help other kids who didn't get toys. We have done several things like that since, and he's developing into a different child. You should try it. Good Luck!
2007-10-26 05:56:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A five year old may be defining love as getting everything she asks for or getting her way all the time. She has found a way to push your buttons and control the situation. I can see how for a while her father was the main caregiver while you were incapacitated so its not unusual that she would be very close to him. A lot of little girls are "Daddy's girls". There's nothing wrong with that. You and your husband arent competing for how much of her love she can give to each of you. You might feel better if you all go to some family counseling to put things into perspective and to learn ways to communicate better with each other.
2007-10-26 12:57:48 · answer #2 · answered by Diane M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Material things are not what this child needs to feel safe or loved. I think your child may be worried about losing you. She was young when you were have and going through those difficult pregnancies and miscarriages. She was afraid and turned to her father because she needed stability and to feel safe. I'm sure you love your children equally and I hope that you show them that as often as possible a few hugs and kissing won't hurt. Your daughter is now 5 she still needs you. You should not feel slighted in any way because she seems to turm to her dad more. Make sure you don't neglect the other child trying to make things up to her. You may want to consider family counseling. I feel you all may need it at this time to help get thru these hurt feelings.
2007-10-26 13:07:05 · answer #3 · answered by MARIA P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I too was in a similar situation as you. But, all you have to do is tell your child everyday you love them. The child is very young at this time to let your emotions think to the future yet of not being loved as much. spending more time together is the main key of bonding.Daddy will always be #1 in her eyes just like my daughter when she was 3 yrs old. But know she is 5 yrs old and will go to daddy when I in occasion get after her for a wrong doing. But when dad discipline's her I am #1 . Their is never a time I don't think about it when she will be upset or mad when ever she doesn't get her way. But, out of 4 kids she is the spoiled one in my eyes( but always daddy;s little girl). My best wishes to you.
2007-10-26 13:02:44 · answer #4 · answered by Star 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is being a a typical girl. It is really common to have daughters fight with their mothers. It may be like this for a while, because most girls go through this during their teens. Your daughter has a headstart! It happened to me with my mom, now I'm 22 and have a great relationship.
2007-10-26 13:01:04 · answer #5 · answered by Karla 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just love her like you do and do the best you can. Kids never appreciate the things that you do for them and mostly feel they are being shorted somehow. Don't overcompensate and give her everything, kids need boundaries.
2007-10-26 12:57:35 · answer #6 · answered by Cristi H 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋