Last year she was put in detention for assaulting me. We have been seeing a therapist for over 1 year. She has improved a little but living with her is pure misery. My husband recently ret'd from Iraq and as PTSS. His vehicle was shot at and he was wounded in his temple. She is horrible to him and is trying to provoke him to strike her so she can report him for assault. We are both at our wits end and I myself am on several medications to help me deal with the constant defiance and haughty attitude. We live in VA and belive that we are free of her when she turns 19 or graduates from HS. However, we want her out at 18. What can we do?
2007-10-26 05:35:33 · 53 answers · asked by nycgirl11223 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thanks so much for those who understand my situtation. By the way I also adopted her sister (16) and I love her so much!! She has her typical teenage momments but is never abusive to me or my husband. I took care of the 17 year old since she was 6 and have shown her absolute unconditional love. I cuddle with her and try to comfort her whenever she needs it. We have been seeing a therapist and she is also very disrespectful to him. She is an angry person because her biological parents were criminals and drug addicts.That is not my fault. I have done everything in my power to help her! I am not just going to throw her out on the street. I will help her in whatever way I can. I've told her over and over again that if she would just stop the abuse and nasty attitude that she could stay with me forever!! I love her and don't want to see her hurt. But it is a very unhealthy environment with her here at home. Her biological sister also is sick of the abuse! This misery needs to end
2007-10-26 10:08:07 · update #1
Heres a hotline you can call for help.
Its for parents as well as kids.
Girls and Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
Call With any Problem, Anytime
Open 24 hours a day, everyday
2007-10-28 13:53:02 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a reason you are pointing out that she is adopted. I have two adopted brothers and they are part of the family. My parents have never said, "these are our adopted sons". You must love your daughter first and foremost. That is what she needs. Also she should stay with you till she graduates. If you kick her out before then, she might never get that diploma. HS is tough on kids and if people at school knows she has been kicked out, that could only worsen her problem. Reason with her. Tell her if she cleans up her act, gets good grades, you will help her get through college or whatever her next path takes her in. This is a tough time for kids at this age. Maybe college is not in the line of sight right now, but encourage her to pick up a trade or join a network or volunteer group that could help her straighten out. Good luck, just don't give up. You don't want her on the streets pregnant and on drugs.
2007-10-26 05:44:40 · answer #2 · answered by tigerprawn78 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can ask her to leave at 18. Been there in VA also. By being on her own at such an early age and having to answer to the consequences of her behavior it has made her a productive and respectful member of society. What you need to do is call the police and have the incidents documented for back up in case she starts more trouble after she leaves home. If she stays in high school, you can pay her rent until she graduates and utilities if you can afford it, this will remove any guilt from your conscience.....she can get a job and pay for her food...etc.
2007-10-26 06:06:14 · answer #3 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really do not understand why this girl would be so horrible to her father when he went through so much. You are responsible for her till she graduates out of high school no matter if she is 19 or not.
My biggest concern is that if you try to kick her out will she assault you again! You would think that the therapist could get through to the root of her troubles. You said you adopted her so I guess that the birth mother is out of the picture and that is too bad because you could have gave her back!
As a mother myself I went through that age of definance and it is ruff for any mother to go through. I realize you have a lot upon your shoulders right now with your husband but this girl does need help and it is your responsiblilty as her adopted mother to try to help her. If I had tried everything thing I knew to get through to my daughter and she still did not change her ways then I would sign some papers and put her into lock up for being uncontrolable. It does cost you money though. If you cannot help her, maybe they can.
2007-10-26 05:54:09 · answer #4 · answered by craft painter 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Y do u think she behaves like this? Do u ever sit down and talk with her and ask her... remember she is a human being. Do u prase her for her good deeds such as great work at school... u must always prase children they need to know they are loved. I dont know what your budget is but to get her out of the house... maybe u should set up an appartment somewhere, with roommates. Maybe a dorm. If she has a boyfriend u can request for her to move in with him. legally By the age of 18 u can give her a months notice for her to find somewhere else to live. You can kick her out.
2007-10-26 05:45:37 · answer #5 · answered by th1gurl23 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The age of legal majority is 18 in Virginia. You can throw her out as a birthday present.
This is the link to the relevant section of the Virginia code.
http://leg1.state.va.us/cgi-bin/legp504.exe?000+cod+1-204
It states:
For the purposes of all laws of the Commonwealth including common law, case law, and the acts of the General Assembly, unless an exception is specifically provided in this Code, a person shall be an adult, shall be of full age, and shall reach the age of majority when he becomes 18 years of age.
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I'd be careful about warning her or threatening this, as she could do any number of screwed up things. Box her stuff while she's at school and have it on the front porch waiting for her when she gets home. If you want to be nice, give her some money for a few nights in a (cheap) hotel. You could tuck it in a birthday card :)
If she has a key, you'll want to change the locks. If she has keys to your car, you'll want to secure that as well.
If she pounds on the door, don't open it. Simply tell her that you'll call the police if she doesn't leave.
2007-10-26 05:38:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You don't have any responsibility once a child turns 18 and the law cannot do anything to you for kicking her out. I would check with local law enforcement to make sure because I live in Texas and it's different everywhere. If she is making your lives miserable then tell her to leave. I really would try to wait until she finishes school. At least give her that. You did agree to take care of this child by adopting her.
2007-10-26 05:41:04 · answer #7 · answered by mamarivers 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I feel for u, I have been there but not that bad, and no it is not always the parents fault.Don,t let people get to you.Has ur daughter ever been in a group home, it was her choice to do the things she does. Yeah some parents don,t have or do anything with there kids,because there not displing them and setting gfuidelines.Whoever says its the parents fault has never been in ur situation. Teenages have alot of problems.I think she needs to see a mental heath worker, but hang in there, and goodluck....
2007-10-27 16:32:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly you adopted her. Your responsibility.
Second, You people have taken so much from her. It will be just another year for her to complete HS - if at all she does it the best.
After she graduates, (or after she is 18), help her get a suitable part-time job and find an accomodation for her and let he make her living. Some day she will realize and thank you for that. So dont just throw her away.
Peace- God loves one and all - however they are -:).
2007-10-26 05:54:05 · answer #9 · answered by Narend 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At 18 years of age she is legally an adult. At 18 years of age you can legally tell her to get out of your house. You don't have to wait for her to graduate from high school(or at least I gather that is what you mean when you say "HS.") All you have to do legally is tell her to pack her things and leave. I would hope that at 18 years of age she has a driver's license, or at least a copy of the bus schedule and a full time job to pay for an apartment and all of the bills which come with being an adult, but after she turns 18 you have no responsibility for her as she will be an adult.
2007-10-26 05:44:33 · answer #10 · answered by Shannon A 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋