My mil has been nice to me and there were times she has been very evil. Why do they play these back and forth games? How come they can just be only one way without being ugly?
2007-10-26 04:41:21 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am not as close to my mother-in-law as I am my father-in-law. She is not a naturally warm and loving person and is very strong-willed and opinionated. She isn't creative and has no hobbies, but she does tend to get worked up over gossip.
She will fight and lie to keep her immediate family within her control or to save face among her relatives. She may hug me when she sees me, but it doesn't feel genuine. When my husband and I have stayed at her home in the past, I cooked, cleaned and did her laundry, but after I was told that this makes her jealous and resentful, I stopped trying to help out so much.
She is a difficult person to love, but I still try.
2007-10-26 04:56:17 · answer #1 · answered by DJ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My MIL used to be like yours. She was so sweet sometimes and other times she was controlling, guilt-tripping and all the things that drive you crazy.
My hubby laid down the law with her. And he did it in a way that did not make me look bad. He would just say, "You can't treat my wife that way." Or "I don't want you don't that." When she would ask if I minded, I would just tell her that my hubby was just protective of me. She started treating me the way I wanted her too because she was afraid of my husband being mad at her. Because of the way that he did it, she didn't hold it against me.
Now that she knows the boundaries we have a great relationship. I think that it has made her like me more and definitely made me like her more.
I never really tell her anything negative about my relationship with her son. If we have a fight or a struggle, I don't tell her. It is better that way. My bro-in-law's GF tells her about their fights and my MIL thinks that they fight all the time and that the GF is too hormonal and hard to get along with. I think that she would think that about me too if we shared everything.
2007-10-28 09:23:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for my mil. As she is mentally ill. My self and my husband are so done with her drama, fighting, lies and crazy behavior. So I am problem free on the mother in law end. I personally did not start off wanting nothing to do with her I tried when we first got married despite my husband telling me not to bother with her. I did the whole lets do lunch, spa, took her away with us for weekends and stuff. Each and every time she started problems. I was finally done with spending money and being embarrassed in stores and restraints by her unacceptable behavior in addition to the fights she would start between my husband and my self.
So I distanced myself. If you can have boundaries and respect things won't get ugly. Also there are certain things in your marriage that should not be talked about with your parents or in laws.
2007-10-26 13:08:02 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My MIL and I have a very good relationship where I can tell her anything and we can challenge each other's ideas/beliefs. The only thing I've noticed she doesn't want to hear is when I'm pissed at her son, so I try to not share that! She's been an excellent role model because I have two sons and no daughters.
2007-10-26 11:45:53 · answer #4 · answered by tacka.... 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You learn to get past this. My mil has a much higher opinion of herself than most other people do. She seems to live in a fantasy world that she's "upper crust" and a "good christian". She thinks she has the perfect family. I just let her revel in her own mind. It's just easier that way.
She never thought I was good enough to marry her son because of my family background. (My folks were hard working blue collar) I think secretly she hoped it wouldn't last.
I just sit and smile when she's around. I've been married to her son for 38 years! I love going to family gatherings. I know it pis$es her off to see how happy "her son" and I are even after all these years.
My advice...just chill, and smile! It'll drive her nuts!
2007-10-26 11:54:41 · answer #5 · answered by Elt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well Lucky for you,you only have one.I have 2 one is a step.For many yrs they butted in my life and I could;t stand it and I know I Don;t take there crap and My Son just got married last year and I swore to my Son and new Daughter in law that I would not be a pain in the But Mother in law! I have kept my word!
2007-10-26 11:56:02 · answer #6 · answered by Dew 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mil and I have a very cordial relationship, hi, bye, how are you...I like it that way! I don't like people in my business unless I invite them into it and she seems to respect that. And if she witnesses her son being an a$$hole without knowing the reason she will tell him to behave with me...can't complain now, can I?
2007-10-26 11:55:32 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Baby♥Girl♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother in law and I get along great!!! When she was living in NYC, we were getting along just fine. She and I liked some of the same movies, foods and books. We had became good friends in a short period of time. She taught me how to cook, clean and many other things.
I think mothers just want to protect their babies so they may test you. To see how you match up. Call me crazy but I am a mom and I do things like that to people.
2007-10-26 11:58:50 · answer #8 · answered by ielleyby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mil did get along before my daughter was born. after is another story. im so grateful for the help that she gives us with our daughter, she babysits her while i work, and i know when my daughter is there she is loved and cared for the same way i take care of her. but the line between grandmother and mother tend to get blurred for her, my first mothers day she showed up at the house and took my daughter, her first birthday i had to work and she planned a party at her house for my daughter instead of just waiting for the following weekend when we had a party planned for her, my daughters first christmas i didnt get to start any traditions it was demanded we be at her house to open gifts by 9am. when im around i dont even get a hello anymore she simply walks over and plucks my daughter out of my arms and parads her around like she is the mother. and now that im just taking her back and taking care of her it is causing alot of friction. halloween i changed my work schedule so next wed i get out of work early and made plans to meet up with some of the other mothers in the neighborhhod so we can all go together, i was informed yesterday that she was taking my daughter trick or treating. i blew up at her (i know not good move) and told her that she got all the other firsts, rolling over, crawling, pulling herself up and walking with assistance and to have my daughters stuff ready to leave at 5pm. sorry i needed to vent
2007-10-26 12:05:06 · answer #9 · answered by princess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive only ever spoken to her a couple of times, not interested in me or my hubby, didnt come to our wedding and when I spoke to dad in law few weeks ago she wouldnt come to the fone. In answer to your question, shes an evil so and so
2007-10-26 11:45:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋