I'm 24, will have my 1st baby in Jan. Since I was 14 I resent my parents, they were extremely harsh and tortured me emotionally when O made some mistakes many teens do. The knew I regretted my mistakes and was a good girl, but anyway punished me hardly and for months didn't trust me, though they knew I sincerely regretted my mistakes and their trust was important to me. I pleaded for it but they were unforgiving, a true emotional massacre. When I got it back it wasn't so importabt anymore, I had found people who trusted me, gave me moral support and were emotionally more important to me than my parents. I became old, distant, though I made them proud. Today I'm graduated, hubby and I work, I have a good life, fortunately. But I don't talk to my parents, though they insist and want to be with me when I give birth to my baby a boy. Of course he'll make mistakes, but I'll never do to him what they did to me. Am I wrong in writting off my parents? Some people think so, but it's my right.
2007-10-26 04:06:57 · 11 answers · asked by Helen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No it's not your right. They are the only parents you have. You need to grow up and get over it. They were just being parents. In 14 years when your baby is a teenager you'll understand.
2007-10-26 04:12:29 · answer #1 · answered by bakerchris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your right. This is your child.
However, may I recommend some counseling? 2 reasons I say this :
1. A counselor would be able to give you UNBIASED advice based on your situation. You can tell the whole story and get an unbiased viewpoint.
2. You seem to be harboring a lot of anger towards your parents. It just doesn't seem healthy for you or your new family. A counselor would be better at giving advice, since you would be able to give them all of the information from your point of view.
This could go one of two ways - The counselor either confirms that your parents were overly harsh, and help you deal with the anger you still have, which is the important part. You can continue to write off your parents.
Or - Your counselor thinks that your parents were trying to raise a kid as best as they could, and made waaaaayyyy to many mistakes, but were overall good people. Remember that they are human too. Some parents just overreact to paranoia media (ie.. All kids are going goth, doing drugs, making pacts with the de vil). While you apparently had a level head on your shoulders and just had the normal teenage growing pains, they may have overreacted to what the media was saying at the time, making the situation worse. No, I don't know if this is your situation - just an alternative take on what I read.
I don't know your situation, but every teenager feels that they were abused, and the parents were totally unfair.
If you don't talk to your parents at all, how do they insist on being part of the delivery? Are they totally oblivious to the tension between you?
I would just hate to have you write them off, and discover later on down the road, that this was more of a miscommunication issue than abuse. You and your child might miss out on years of grandparental love and support.
Oh, and just an FYI - in case you are thinking I'm just against cutting out family members: I'm 27, and my fiance has cut his mother out of his life, with my blessing. I have no intention of letting that sadistic woman near any children we may have. I just don't know enough about your situation to give you advice one way or the other.
Good luck, think about what you want for your little boy, and Congratulations!!!!
2007-10-26 11:31:16 · answer #2 · answered by Eleez 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congratulation on the baby!.. Well, they will definitely always be your parents no matter what. I have a similar case but the same thing happened with my grandparents instead. I resented them and even hurt their feelings. It didn't matter anyway, I just moved on with my life as I like and whatever they say it always goes out the other ear. Btw, I lived with them since I'm going to a uni away from my parents. But still I just let things be and after so long family will always be family no matter how bad they treat you. I'm 23 btw and going to graduate soon and get my own life with no one bothering me.. You've done a great job!.. Good Luck!
2007-10-26 11:15:49 · answer #3 · answered by [275] 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are wrong and I think the chances are you will make some of the same mistakes - that's just the way it works. You are not going to be a perfect parent and maybe then you will appreciate that your parents did their best. You are having a child now so its time to grow up and that means being decent to your parents after all they did lots for you.
2007-10-26 11:30:10 · answer #4 · answered by LillyB 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to tell you that it is very important to have a relationship with your parents. I didn't get along with my mom when I was a teenager, so much so that I told her that I hated her to her face and stormed out. After that as the years went on we had a relationship but it was a bit strained. I didn't really hug her or tell her the intimate things that were going on in my life...
Six months ago she past away. Not a day goes by that I don't regret... well so many things. I'm very sorry that she won't be able to meet her grandkids.
2007-10-26 11:12:32 · answer #5 · answered by Luca's Mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all as you are exspecting your first child when you go to raise that child did you know that child is going to be just like you would you want your child to write you off what goes around comes around. When you do things in your life that your parents dont approve of its not there fault but yours I would not write them off for the sake of your child they will need grandparents and if you were more mature you would realize life is to short you only have them for a short period of time and then they are gone
2007-10-26 11:19:05 · answer #6 · answered by Chloe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont understand why they should be an issue now after ten years of hell for you.I feel badly that you care what others think since they do not know all you have been through. Your parents forfeited their grandchild. ( They are the LAST people you need around you when you give birth) Please do not let hormonal changes influence you at this time into giving in. Focus on your husband and move on.
2007-10-26 11:13:58 · answer #7 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Parents don't have an automatic right to being loved. If they were cruel to you, you will find it hard to forgive them. Wait and see how you feel after the birth of your child but be sure you protect your child from any unkindness they might wish to administer in the future.
2007-10-26 11:13:24 · answer #8 · answered by resignedtolife 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If your parents did things for which you have not been able to forgive yet, then NO you are not wrong. Maybe, in time, you will come to forgive them.. it's hard to tell.
Sometimes we have to do what is best for our own emotional health. It's about self-preservation.
take care of YOU. hugs
2007-10-26 11:56:21 · answer #9 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if im yours , im going home with my baby and my husband and say sorry to them, father , mother here i am , with ur grandson and sons in law , much better if u will go home in time of holiday like christmas or birthdays, good luck
2007-10-26 11:28:30 · answer #10 · answered by MIla M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋