parenting question?

Question

I have some friends who have 4 kids. 3 are from the wife's previous relationship (father is not involved) and a newborn daughter together who is on a heart moniter and was tiny (4 pounds) at birth 3 weeks ago. They let her 6 year old sister and 4 year old brother feed the baby UNSUPERVISED.....I walked in to find (at 11pm) the 6 year old holding the bottle for baby in the carseat (needless to say I took the baby and made the 6 year old go to sleep) and they let the 4 year old brother feed her on the floor while dad laid on the couch out of view of the baby and mom was on the computer out of view of the baby while milk squirted out of the babies nose. I said something to them and they said they are trying to make the older 2 feel involved. How do I talk to them about all the dangers of this?

answerer number 1~ the kids have mental problems to begin with and the baby has to be on heart moniter when not eating because its heart stopped. And it is a newborn 2 weeks old and just got out of the hospital

I talked to them already and they said there is nothing wrong with it...they are getting the older 2 involved. So now I want to talk to them again and take my sister and husband with me to get them to understand that we mean no harm, only concerned for the baby

Answer 1

Well for starters, I read someone elses post and they apparetnly think there is nothing worng with it, and normally it isn't. But unsupervised. No children that young should be watched. at any rate under the circumstances, a baby with heart problems is a risky thing and you certainly do not feed her while she laying flat down. She could strangle on the formula and if it came out of her nose then chances are, it's not going into her tummy. Any newborn should be held when being fed. i think you are right to be concerned. If talking to them doesn't help maybe you could talk to a counselor to see about some parenting classes. If dad is on the couch and mom has her nose in the computer, how are they keeping watch on the monitor? How do they know she isn't choking on the milk? HELLO! YOU HAVE JUST HAD A BABY. Where is the parent interaction? The bonding? Children are a gift not a toy.

Answer 2

At this age, the baby needs to be held and burped every few ounces. I don't see a problem with letting the other children hold the bottle to help - but the parents need to be involved in this process until the baby is older. My daughter is 8 and the first SEVERAL times we let her help feed our son (now 11 months) was in our presence.

As far as dangers go, I'm assuming one of the parents make the bottle. So, the only danger that I could foresee would be that the parents may not notice if the baby started to choke (on spit up) and the children (especially the four year old) may not know what's going on or to get help.

While I don't have a problem with the kids helping, they might want to sit somewhere where they can watch. Maybe the kids can sit closer to the couch where dad is or they can sit close to mom while she works/plays on the computer.

Answer 3

Go to them as a concerned friend. Simply explain to them what you have witnessed and how concerned you are that the baby could get hurt. A six your old and a four year can help out in so many ways other than feeding. Feeding is ok, if it is supervised by an adult. As for other options for the kids to help out and feel involved would be to let them get the diapers and wipes when you need them, let them talk to the baby and make faces at the baby while thier diapers are being changed. Let them go get clothes, go get the bottle, play with the baby(again supervised). There is so many other things that are not dangerous. To me it sounds like the parents are more intent on doing what they want, instead of looking after thier children. I hope you can get through to them. Good Luck :)

Answer 4

I have a 12, 9 and 2 year old kids, and when my youngest was a baby I let the older ones help but only when I was there to supervise. I think it is crazy to let a child that young help with a new baby when they don't even understand what could go wrong. If they want to let the kids be involved there are other ways. My 2 year old has a 7 month old cousin and grandma babysits them both, when his cousin was new, grandma would let him help hold the bottle, or take the bottle to the sink when it was empty. Now he even helps burp him, grandma holds him, but my little one will pat his back so at least there is supervision. Maybe instead of trying to get them to understand what they are doing wrong you could try to advise them of other SAFE ways the other kids can be involved.

Answer 5

Wow, that's scary! Its great that they want the older two to feel involved, BUT, that is just dumb to leave them alone unsupervised with the baby. They should not be holding the baby unsupervised let alone feeding it without Mom or Dad there to help. Simply let them know that there are cases of babies being hurt or even accidentally killed by older siblings who dropped them or bumped their heads into stuff.
I gotta say they sound like crappy parents. What were the kids doing up that late to begin with? If you don't think that they are going to be more careful and you are really worried, call Child Protective Services. Imagine if something bad does happen and you do nothing. The guilt would be horrible.

Answer 6

Any thing you say is going to offend them and put them on the defensive. No one likes to hear that they're "bad" parents.
It's awesome that they are trying to keep the older kids involved, but they need to be reminded that they need to be involved too. I don't think there is any thing wrong with them letting the kids feed the baby, but they need to be there next to them. There is no way a 4 year old knows when to burp a baby.
I wouldn't bring your sister into this just yet, because then they really are going to feel like you are attacking them. Just sit down with them by yourself and try to suggest some better ways to keep the WHOLE family involved.

Answer 7

dang.. i don't even know what to say about that! things like this make me so mad. there are so many couples who can't conceive, and then you have people like this that apparently should have any at all, and the kids don't get taken care of like they should. it just irritates me to no end. it may sound easy to say, but you'll just have to tell them... what other way could you do it? your subtle hints aren't really working. so sit them down and tell them everything you've witnessed and how it's not ok. hopefully they'll wake up and stop being so irresponsible!

which, makes it that much worse. it honestly doesn't say much about the parents, but they're the parents nonetheless. you still need to talk to them about everything you've seen. then, take notes- whether mental or on paper... see if things improve after you have a heart-felt talk w/ them. if things don't improve, and you feel like someone needs to intervene, go to child services and let them know- or give them- the notes you've taken. hopefully it won't have to go that far, but the parents need to wake up and start being the parent- not letting their children do their work for them.

ok. and it's good that you've been rational about it. it will make more of an impact if you take your sister and husband with you next time, instead of doing it again just by yourself., and i believe it's a good idea to do so. i'm not saying it's wrong at all to let the older kids help out, but given the circumstances, i think you're justified in your concerns.

Answer 8

something is real wrong with the parents. a newborn wants to be held and after a while, needs to be burped. the children are way to young to be left alone with a newborn. the parents need to be talked to. mother of three grown children. yes I sometimes let my older one feed the newborn, but either I was there or my late husband was right there also, to make sure nothing happened. you need to talk with them again and tell them how you feel and that you are upset what is going on

Answer 9

This is something really normal. I know children about the age of 5, who already feed their brothers and sisters (under 1 year of age) with the bottle and that makes them happy and never anything went wrong. Children are smarter, you don't give them enough credit.

Answer 10

It's not your problem.
You can't control what someone else's family does, and while i don't agree with letting four and six year olds take charge of an infant, i can't tell other adults what to do, either.

if you are concerned and if this is really bugging you, then call children's protective services.