How do i cope with my abandonment issues?

Question

I never really knew my bio father. I know he was abusive and never around when I was a child. Him and my mom spli before I was 2. My mother was always working when I was younger, so my sister and I so I never recieved the attention or love that I needed. Up until this point in my life I've sabatoged every relationship in my life. I lost a meaningful relationship of 3 yrs b/c I let my abandonment issues infaltrate a once wondeful relationship. Now she loathes me b/c I didn't want to let her go. These issues are a constant problem for me. They affect my daily life and so my quailty of life is affcted. I always think people hate me or are looking down on me. I endurded some verbal and physical abuse from a stepfather and i still hold on to those pains. I just want to wake up and be able to breath w/out feeling like I'm worthless and I am worthy of being loved.

Answer 1

I understand your pain, as I suffer with many similar issues. However, I can tell you that understanding where they stem from is an excellent beginning and getting a good counselor is a great step to getting the help you need. Accept the love that is given to you too.

Answer 2

Abandonment issues have caused me to not trust anyone at all and I know how that worthless feeling is. You have a lot of heavy stuff to sift through and its better to do that with the help of someone. If I had to say who I almost trust the most right now it would be my counselor. I remember her writing down on a piece of paper "I will not abandon you" and she handed it to me. When I read it, it made me want to cry. She reassures me all the time and that's what you need. Def find a social worker or therapist that can help you through. Personally I told my doc that I wanted a therapist closer to my age and also a female so when you go to look for one have somewhat of an idea of what you want. You can also try several people on for size as well. Just remember you aren't alone and you are lovable:)

Answer 3

This hits home to me. I lost my father in a car wreck when I was 9. That I was also involved in. My mom had a problem with perscription pills all my life, so she wasn't really around. She later died when I was 18. I am now 28, and sometimes the past really gets to me, ecspecially after haveing a little too much to drink. Since that time I have found some comfort in my uncle and aunt. We hang out as if we were closer than uncle, aunt, and nephew. The other night we were together haveing a couple beers, and I started talking about what was on my mind, and what was bugging me. They freaked out on me, and told me I need to quit liveing in the past and let it go. I guess I probably do, but sometimes it helps me to talk to someone. Could anyone tell me if they think I am dwelling on my past too much? Should I just let the past be the past?

Answer 4

Everyone deserves to be loved.........start with loving yourself. I found that is the key. Look at all the positive things about you and focus on that. Love the person that you are and know that as long as your alive there is a chance for things to get better. If there is nothing that you currently love about yourself then make some changes. Look at what you don't like and make those changes. I know it's easier said than done but it isn't impossible. Once you love yourself the way you deserve you'll see how funny it is that things start falling in to place.
Sounds corny I know but it works :o)
When you focus on yourself first and take care of that, then you are better equipped to care or love somebody else.

Answer 5

You need to speak to someone and try to work this issue out in the open.. a good therapist might be the answer. Until you can let go of the past, you cannot go ahead with your life as this will always be a factor. Its not easy letting go of built up emotions about a troubled past but that is what you must do.

Answer 6

It's a good thing that you recognise the problems, and it's probably now time to get some professional help from a counsellor or psychiatrist. It doesn't mean you're going mad, but these trained people can help you talk through the issues and get you past this point. These types of things are very difficult to do on your own. I would encourage you to get help. It will make you feel tons better.

Answer 7

First, you are worthy of love. You deserve it as much as anybody else.
I'm sorry people have hurt you, but I hope you can say that you haven't returned the abuse to anyone. If you want to recieve love, you have to give love. Give of yourself, your time and effort, and you'll be happy.
I'll dealt with a lot of fear of abandonment as well. I get over it by forgetting about myself and helping people who need it. As a result, I don't feel alone.

Answer 8

Hi...

I have had similar issues with abandonment because of my own father, and i'd like to say that therapy helped me a great deal.

It takes guts, work and a lot of effort, but YOU can do it! It's really difficult dealing with our painful pasts, but when we realize it's not our fault, and everyone isn't like our fathers, we can cope in a much healthier way.

take care and please consider talking to a therapist for direction and guidance.

Answer 9

You sound like you already have a tremendous amount of insight into yourself and your life. Check out http://www.thenook4pds.com - lots of other woman there having an ongoing conversation about abandonment and feelings of being worthless. Good luck!

Answer 10

Geez, you must seek help from a counsler ASAP. That's the only way to help you through these issues, after that I guarentee your life will become easier for you. Good luck.