Question to older parents who have young children and much older children.?

Question

Im 25 years old and my two older brothers are 30 and 31. My father is now in his early 50s and remarried and has a four year old and one on the way. Growing up my father handled us very well. We were always well behaved in public and never acted out and had great manners or he disciplined us other wise. We knew better to talk back and yell. We respected our parents. My little brother is four and he acts like a complete spoiled brat and my father rarely disciplines him. It's almost hard to swallow. My brother is very smart but out of control. He throws major tantrums in public daily and even hits my dad and my father never really reacts. When I ask him why he allows this he say's "Im old now. Im too tired to chase kids down and argue. I did my share of spankings with you guys." WE were made to be respectful and now his younger son is out of freaking control b/c of lack of discipline. Has anyone ever expericed this? Is this normal? Thank you for all your kind answers!

You idiot! Dont assume my father JUST remarried! He has been married to his wife over fifteen years. His wife is much younger and they wanted to wait untill she had finished her Master's degree and had a really good job so my father could stay homoe. So who is the idiot?

Answer 1

Older parents seem pretty clueless and useless????? That is a very insulting statement, Annie M.

We have grown children, in their 30's, and now have a 4 year old. No, that's not how we handle things. We discipline our little girl pretty much the same as we did the older children. Just because we're a lot older now doesn't mean we want to have a disrepectful spoiled screaming brat giving us headaches.

She's not an angel, but none of the kids were when they were her age. But, when we are in public, she knows she has to behave or she'll get a time out when we get home. She hates time-outs, so she behaves in public.

Our next door neighbors have a boy the same age as our daughter. They are in their 20's. Their little boy runs wild! Tell who's clueless and useless!

Age has NOTHING to do with parenting skills, period!

Answer 2

I'm an older mother with three children, The age difference isn't as great as between you and your half brother but it's supstancial all the same. My children are 32, 28 and 15, as you see there are 13 years between the youngest and the middle child. I treat my youngest the way that I treated the older two. I expect her to respect me, herself and other's and I demand that she do so. I think that person that told you that you should get your step mother involved was right, becasue she has as much a stake in this as does your father in fact maybe even more so if something (God forbid) happens to your father. She may not be aware of how the child acts when she's not present, it can't hurt if she's the open mineded type, but be aware she may feel that you and you're brother's are jealous that your father was more strict with you than with the younger child. Just remind her that he's close to going to school and that his behavior there may very well be come an issue. Good luck! It won't be easy dealing with this one, One thing that you can do is make sure that he know that he can't act like that with you or when he's with his older brother's either and maybe you might want to spend more time with him. Maybe your father's realizing that he really doesn't have the same amount of energy to spend on these children as he did with you. Believe me a large age gap, can really take a toll on a parent.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, that sounds about right.

My husband has four brothers and sisters. The oldest was 18 when the youngest was born, and there was a considerable gap between the oldest three and the younger two. My husband, his older brother and his younger sister (child #3) are all pretty responsible, stay out of trouble, are polite, etc. The youngest son is a high school dropout, into drugs, is disrespectful, can't hold down a job, for some reason still goes on spring break even though he dropped out of school, steals, etc. The youngest (a girl) isn't that far gone, but she does smoke and drink and sleep around (she's sixteen). To make matters worse, my mother-in-law makes excuses for their bad behavior, assuming that the problem is with everyone else, but not her and certainly not the kids .

She doesn't see it, but it's obvious to the rest of us that she just got tired. By the time the older three moved out on their own and started their own families, she just quit enforcing any rules with the other two. It's pathetic.

Answer 4

I am the eldest child....although my parents divorced when I was very young, I was raised to respect them both....I was never hit, but lectured to constantly. Mother was a very strong woman and a force to be reckoned with, as she was on the school board and knew all the teachers in my hometown. I basically had no life, but was taught to be a lady. My half brothers were different. They were alowed to get by with basically anything they wanted, including lying to get me in trouble. But they did not ever hit either of my parents.

I married young, and had my children while in my early 20s. My sons were disciplined as well as I could, but I could only do so much, as my husband held the most power in our family. He pretty much gave them what they wanted, including the right to smack me around. Shortly after he died, I started calling the police when things got out of hand, as my then-18 year old son repeated the violence he saw from his father directed to me.

While it might be normal for your father to act as he does, it is NEVER acceptable to allow someone to hit another person. The child needs to be taught that violence is criminal. Perhaps a "field trip" to the county jail might come in handy...I have done this with my children to show them where violence will get them.

Older parents are still parents. Sounds as if your father's playing the age card might backfire. You need to talk to him seriously about what can happen to his youngest son. If he was too old to want to raise a child, he should have realized this from the start and not created another child. But that's not news.

Your dad needs to find the energy to handle his son and the new baby on the way. There are many books on parenting directed at older parents. If I were you I would get him one.

Answer 5

This is normal. However something should probably be done about it. First of all talk to your brothers and see what they think should be done. Then all three of your should go and talk to your father. Tell him that you don't want someone in your family acting like this and when he gets older, it will only get worse. Ask your father to talk to your step mom so she can get in on this. Even though your father is tired he should still be concerned with raising a child.

Answer 6

Its not amusing letting a 4 yr old hit his dad. Cause by the time the brat is 10 he will take a knife to him next. This sort of behavious should be punished immediately. Or else the brat will be dangerous in no time. And your dad is insane getting married at 50 and having a child and another on the way. Dont he have anything better to do in life than screwing around. Your brothers are already 30plus and your dad is senile.

Answer 7

We went through this in my family. I was the fifth of six kids, my mom had my brother when I was 10 - mom was 45, dad was 51.
Yes, the world he grew up in was totally different - the older five of us were raised rather strictly, but my younger brother was just able to run roughshod over my parents. Sad, but true.
Now that he's an adult, it's totally affected him.

Answer 8

I am mom to 4 kids. They are now 28, 26, almost 23, and 10. So, while the age spread is not near as great as between you and your little brother, it is still significant. My husband and I have been married for 30 years and our 10 year old was surprisingly conceived when I had been taking birth control pills for 11 years. So, our family is slightly different in that all 4 of my children have the same mom and dad. A lot has changed in parenting practices, acceptable public displays of discipline and father involvement since you and your siblings were little. It is a bit daunting to have raised your children to adult-hood (or to teenage years) and suddenly find yourself changing diapers again and walking the floor with a crying infant in the middle of the night. I know I was overwhelmed at first despite the fact I have been a child care provider in my home for 20 years so taking care of little ones on a daily basis was not out of the ordinary. In your father's case, you must remember that he is parenting with a woman different than your mother so that is also going to make a big impact on him as well as his age. Many people have said to me, when finding out about the age difference in my kids, "Well, she'll keep you young." I know they mean well, but, truthfully, I am tired, I ache more than I used to, and dealing with the moodiness of a 10-year-old daughter is not always high on my list of favorite things to do (I am thankful to have made it past her being 4 years old). She is more spoiled than the older ones and we let her get away with things we'd never let the older ones do. But, she's gradually turning out pretty good despite all of that. What has helped us get through it best is the help of our older children. When she was little and we went out, they helped entertain her, take her for walks, and give us a chance to eat a meal in peace now and then. They take her on errands with them, invite her to hang with them, they play games, and laugh and joke in ways that neither my husband nor I can sometimes muster the energy to do. It may help not to focus on how different of a father he is to your little brother, but focus more on what you can do to help him out. As an adult now, you don't remember how it was when you were 4 years old. Your father doesn't likely remember all of the challenges he went through when you and your siblings were 4 either. Instead of asking your father why he lets his son get away with things, try offering to help out sometimes. Maybe play games with him, take him places or offer to watch him for a few hours. Try to develop a good relationship with your little brother. As he grows, he will have some other trusted adults in his life that he can turn to with problems and ask questions of that he may not want to talk to his parents about. Our youngest daughter is very, very close to her two older sisters and older brother. Thinking back, she was a pretty naughty 4 year old, too. She actually refused to be potty trained until just before she turned 5! I have never had any of my own children or the many children in my childcare that took so long to accomplish that milestone. Some of it was her own personality, but some of it was just my own lack of forcing the issue. I think that her brother and sisters were instrumental in curbing her wild side, yet providing a bit of fun. Children need guidance and set parameters. If your dad is having a hard time setting them because of exhaustion, you may be able to help him with the difficult task.

Answer 9

personally, no, but my friend has. Your father should be fair. But maybe your father likes to see something running about actively. Maybe that's because your father want to feel younger. Speak to him more often if you can.

Answer 10

I find the woman in my family that are older and have younger children let them run riot, its middle aged parent syndrome. I also notice this when out and about, older parents seem pretty clueless and useless.