Here is the deal, a guy that I like had been dating for 3 weeks now. But he doesnt know that I am a virgin and dont want to do anything until I'm married. Howe can I tell. (like the specific words) when is the best time? should I have told him from the start????
2007-10-25 22:07:08 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No need to tell him 'from the start' ... it's not really any of his business until and unless you choose to let him know.
As you've been dating three weeks, it may be that he would like to go a little 'further', and if you wish to continue the relationship, now would be a good time to let him know.
Next time you meet him for a date, simply ask to sit somewhere quiet and private for a few minutes.
You could say something like "Bill, we've been dating three weeks now and I really like you. I think we could have a great relationship, but I don't want you to get the wrong idea about things. I'd like to let you know that I decided a long time ago that I want to remain a virgin until I get married. If that is something you think you can't handle in our relationship, I'd like you to tell me. I don't think you're the type to pressure me to go against my decision, and I hope I'm right. If you decide you would rather be with someone you can have a sexual relationship with, I can respect that, but I want to let you know that I am really decided about this and if we continue to date, that's the basis we do it on."
OK, you'll think of better (and probably fewer, lol) words, but that's the basics!
I'd do it before the date, that way he has time to think about his response. Also, don't pressure him to respond right away. If he does, great ~ if not, maybe he needs to re-think his expectations. Whatever, honesty is the best policy and don't be hurt if he decides to look elsewhere. Respect him for being honest and just move on and find the guy that's right for you.
Of course, it's just as likely, maybe more so, that you decision will not worry him at all. You might very well find he has made a similar choice ~ or that he respects yours.
Best wishes, hope it works out :-)
2007-10-25 22:37:47 · answer #1 · answered by thing55000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah. It's all very well and good to say that if he's worth it, he'll wait. In a nice and perfect world that would be true. As much as I regret sleeping with my man before I was ready (yes, I was a little virgin girl) in order to keep him, he has turned out to be worth it. We broke up because I wouldn't sleep with him, then somehow got back together. I figured if the universe wouldn't put us back together just to break up over the same issue. I wish it hadn't happened that way, and it has caused us a lot of problems, and probably will continue to. Sleeping with someone before you are ready isn't something that can be fixed afterward. So, I recommend you don't until you want to, but you have to be prepared that you might lose your guy. It doesn't make him a bad guy or not worthy of you, it just makes him an impatient guy.
I don't know what the best time to tell him is, now, or when he starts hinting, but you'd better accompany it with a list of what you are willing to do sexually. "No sex until I'm married" is a bit to deal with when you've only just started dating. He doesn't know if he's going to want to marry you in a few years time! "I'm willing and enthusiastic about being sexual with you, as long as one of us has our underwear on because I want to be a virgin for my future husband," may be ok for you both.
Good luck and I hope it goes well. :)
2007-10-26 05:36:14 · answer #2 · answered by Rosie_0801 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only 3 weeks and you're thinking about it already? Get a life
1. If he said something about sex then he's probably not worth it... (depending on what he said)
2. if you're thinking about it - you know he might suggest something or you fear something will happen - relax, if he didn't say anything yet, your good to go, well for now!
3. Wait untill at least 2 or 3 months or even MORE has passed (before you talk to him about it, weeks arent serious, months and mainly years are), if he loves you then he will respect that part of you...
It's one of those things once you lose you cant get it back!
4. If it still bothers you then talk to him in private one day when you're for sure alone and ask him if he's been with other girls and how long he's willing to wait...etc...
dont beat around the bush, guys hate that....
5.Dont be afraid to talk to him, he's your boyfriend, he deserves to know you feel, and if you're afraid to talk to him then maybe he's not the one? If there really was true love in a relationship then there should be nothing holding you back about how you feel and what you think. Well thats my opinion at least...
2007-10-26 05:32:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would say it in person ... not in an intimate situation. perhaps during dinner . you would say i can't thank you enough .. i really do enjoy the time we have spent together and feel a chemistry with you .... it's been a whirlwind ... i feel i must take a step back / enjoy and comprehend it all ... i really am certain that i am committed to my sexual purity . virginity is important to me. i hope you will respect this and aren't put out ? yes have to sort of reach out touch the hands ... squeeze .. i really really like you ... but my decisions are not negotiable terms.
ask what is best for dinner ... chocolate souffle or soemthing . share it .
continue the relationship ... understand he'll probably hound you more ... you really have to draw the line ... call the shots ... if you are not ready / comfortable ... it is not good . trust me with the right guy ... you will both know the right time ... it's all worrysome but it all falls into place and you can no longer remember why you gave it all any thought.
there is nothing wrong with a man or a woman in keeping sexual purity for each other . even better with waiting / passioon / anticpation .
worth the committment to each other .
AND your insticnt is right GOD designed and created sex for your please and it is recommended by both of your manufacturers that you wait to marrry before you have sex. there is a reason .. and you are smart to reconignize it .
see if your search might offer suppurt for young adults ?
2007-10-26 05:18:34 · answer #4 · answered by Mildred S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you might want to tell him as soon as possible. It's probably an unspoken expectation that the physical relationship will lead to sex.
Give him the opportunity to make decisions based on what's really going on.
Maybe the next time you can just be honest with him. Like say............"Hey, I really like you a lot and because I respect you, I want to be honest with you. I am a virgin and plan on staying that way until I am married. It is an important issue for me, but if it's too hard for you, I understand. Just know I am not willing to compromise on this."
2007-10-26 05:13:06 · answer #5 · answered by Think! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, hopefully you have not been hinting that you are interested in having sexual relationship with him. Why does he think you may not be a virgin?
The best thing to do, in my opinion, now that you are pretty acquainted with each other, is discuss the sex topic during a quiet private dinner at a restaurant, and tell him exactly how you feel about him and your relationship to this point, and tell him your personal commitment is to abstain from sexual intercourse until you are married. You have made that commitment to yourself, and you intend to keep it. Ask him how he feels about continuing your relationship on that condition. If he cannot accept it, you should say farewell.
2007-10-26 05:25:47 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The converstion will come up, and you will then just be honest with the guy.
Tell him straight out that you are still a virgin.
He will probarly ask... how many guys u have been with to which you reply none.
Best time...when the conversation arises... it will... it always does.
You didnt have to tell him that you are a virgin its not something that you have to go around telling people. There is no check list before dating....
2007-10-26 05:12:18 · answer #7 · answered by BadGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, you don't need to tell him from the start. If he really likes you he will accept that and wait for you. Most guys, though, will not. And honestly 3 weeks is a little soon to read a person, so don't say anything until is comes up later on in the relationship.
2007-10-26 05:10:24 · answer #8 · answered by nurseTINA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The longer you put it off, the harder it will be. If you are really stuck on celibacy, then you should let him know very soon. That way you won't have too many uncomfortable advances, and you'll know if it is someone who accepts/understands your beliefs. I don't think you have to tell someone from the start, as that shouldn't be the main reason your going out. I don't know if there is a way to lead up to saying something like that. Why not just say that you have something important to tell him, blurt it out and explain your reasoning?
2007-10-26 05:16:11 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wait about two months. After 2 months he would probably go after the delicate treats. Better yet, you might wanna stop him before ya'll get to that point. So it might be good to tell him now. If he's worth your virginity, he'll respect your decision. You can only get that one time in a lifetime.
2007-10-26 05:20:25 · answer #10 · answered by timmy boomstick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋