Why are other Moms so judgemental towards women who don't want to breastfeed?

Question

My sister in law gave birth 2 weeks ago, she doesn't breastfeed through choice. Ok, so it's not the way I'd do it either, I breastfed my son, but why do so many women act so horrified and shocked at this? It's personal choice, right?

Answer 1

It never ceases to amaze me how some people feel entitled to judge everybody else without knowing them or their circumstances. A midwife over here in the UK was once quoted in a paper as saying that she'd rather see a baby starve to death rather than have one drop of formula. To me that is just plain crazy but there you go..she was one of those over-zealous members of the breast brigade (the group that basically says you're a horrid mother if you dare feed your baby a bottle). Personally I think that kind of attitude is way more harmful than giving a bottle ever could be. A friend of mine gave birth to her first baby 9 months ago and sat in the hospital for 5 days trying to get him to latch on. Every midwife in the place kept telling her to hang in there and not give up. In the end her baby had lost over a pound in weight and was given an IV for sever dehydration. I find that totally irrersponsible. Why not just give the baby a bottle?? Instead they let him starve and dehydrate.

We all love our babies and it shouldn't matter how we feed them. Mothers should be supporting each other..not condemning opposing feeding methods.

P.S. Comparing giving formula to giving cookies for dinner is absurd!!

P.S. I forgot to add that in the end my friend's baby was bottle-fed and gained back his weight. He's totally healthy and happy.

Answer 2

I, too, gave birth to a preemie. Though he was only a month premature, he was born with an infection and was not able to come until two weeks after he was born. No one in the hospital showed me how to breastfeed. The nurse tried once with my mother, mother in law, and husband in the room and I found it frustrating and uncomfortable.
Finally, a week and a half later, lactation came and helped me. And while I found it to be bearable, I found it less than enjoyable. He had to use a nipple shield and now that he is weaned from that, his latch is aggressive and painful. He has been home six weeks now, and I am still struggling. Whenever I give him a bottle I feel like the worst parent alive. I feel like I should breastfeed, if I really love my son. What is that?!?!?!? I am still pumping every 2-3 hours, he gets breast milk 40% of the time, sometimes more. I am doing all I can. And I have to say, as a man (sorry Kevin) it is easy to pass on your knowledge. Breastfeeding is a sole commitment from Mom to constantly feed her child.
For me, I am not producing enough milk, and it is a stress. I am doing the best I can. Society needs to back off, quit judging and remember how much we moms sacrifice for our children. We do not need others' input on how to love our babies.

Answer 3

B/c some people can only make themselves feel better by judging and putting down others.

I couldn't breastfeed, though I probably didn't try hard enough or whatever, the boob nazis will say is my excuse. But I had no milk at all, no leaking boobs or anything they didn't even hurt after she was born. I tried but couldn't do it. And I wasn't going to let my child get hungry b/c my body wasn't working right. So I bottle feed, we bonded, she gained weight good but isn't overweight, she wasn't sick all the time in fact she was never put in the hosptiol till she started school, she is very smart top 5% of her grade level district wide.
I'm pregnant again, will I breastfeed this time, I'd like to try again but I probably won't be able to, like I said I woudl rather know for a fact my child isn't hungry

I love my children and noone is going to tell me any different that b/c I can't breastfeed.

Answer 4

I noticed that too. I wish I had a dime for every dirty look I got when I'd pull out a BOTTLE instead of my breast!!! I wanted to say, Listen, you don't know the reason I'm NOT breastfeeding, so unless you want to sit and hear the story, MYOB! I KNEW the advantages of breastfeeding, but I also knew what was right for me. Don't they also say that "the baby feels when you're frustrated, or upset" Why would I do something that I knew I would get frustrated doing if the baby would feel that way too???? I was 18 when I had my first son...I was too young and was embarrased to be doing that. It was "bad" enough I had a BABY...my friends had a hard enough time w that! By the time I had my second, my first was 12. His friends were over all the time...no privacy there!
Then my third was born when my second was 2. I wasn't up for trying to run after a 2 year old with his brother attached to the OUTSIDE of my body! Made my choice...very healthy kids for the most part, too!!!

Answer 5

For the same reason people judge the mothers who DO breastfeed their children: plain ignorance. As mothers, no matter what choice we make with our kids, there's always someone there to tell us we are wrong. We're told we should breastfeed because it's best for our babies, but we can't do it in public because no one wants to see it. We can't spank our children because it's child abuse, BUT we are bad parents if we don't disipline them correctly. It's like we're damned if we do, and we're damned if we don't.

Breast feeding is not only a personal choice, but your decision can sometimes be swayed by other factors. For example, with me I had a hard time breasfeeding my first two, that they both ended up with the bottle. With my youngest, I didn't even try to breastfeed. She just went straight to bottle from birth. And it was a good thing too because I ended up with a blood disease and my doctor had to put me on steroids a month after my baby was born. I applaud women who are able to breastfeed their babies, but I also don't condemn those who bottle feed. Because you never know if their decision was based on choice or necessity.

Answer 6

Many people have nothing better to do in life than to sit in judgment of others. Forty years ago, women who breast fed were considered lower class because only the poor breast fed their children (lucky children!). In today's society, with the knowledge and education we have, it is understood that breastfeeding for the first six(?) weeks gives infants certain protections against some diseases. Naturally, some people will ASSUME that all women want this protection for their baby. The problem is not all women feel comfortable breastfeeding. So, for those who criticize your sister-in-law, tell them to get a life-preferably their own.

Answer 7

My son was a preemie (Almost 3 months early) and I pumped and the nurses at Children's Hospital put it in his feeding tube mixed with regular formula and a special oil to put weight on faster. When he came home I was not able to pump enough and since I was not working I couldn't afford to keep renting the pump. A few months after he came home my mother in law and I went to Costco and I was sitting and giving my son a bottle and I had a woman come up to me and say "I hope that is breast milk in that bottle." I was PISSED. I read this response in a parenting magazine and loved it so I used it. I told her "I don't tell others what to do with their bodily fluids and I don't appreciate being told what to do with mine!" Her face turned beet red and she turned and walked off. Breastfeeding is not for everyone. I am the youngest of 4 kids and we were all bottle-fed, never had an ear infection until I was like 24 years-old, and never had anything worse than chicken pox.

Answer 8

I was 17 when I had my first I was clueless as to what to do. I still bonded just fine with my kids. That line is plain BS. Exactly what is sitting up rocking a baby and feeding them with a bottle? Bonding every bit as much as being breast fed. When I was pregnant with my second son I read in PARENT magazine a question some woman asked. She wondered if it was normal to have an orgasm while breast feeding. That plain sickened me, especially when the answer was yes. I cannot imagine that being the norm at all but it turned me off even trying it. My boys were rarely sick as a baby , a toddler, or anytime growing up.

Answer 9

For the same reason that mothers who choose to breastfeed get treated badly. For the same reason that a mother who breastfeeds in public gets harassed. For the same reason that mothers who choose to practice extended breastfeed get called disgusting.

You will find judgment against you in some form in every aspect of motherhood. It is not exclusive to one side.

Answer 10

I think everyone should the choice and I don't think anyone should be judged for breast feeding their kids or not. That is just how I stand on the situation.