Can someone PLEASE give me a good success story here?

Question

My four-year-old has become a little hellion virtually overnight. We're having a very hard time finding the cause: he thinks it's funny, he's not going through any adjustment or changes that I can figure out, but he was doing really really good up to about two or three weeks ago, then has started having huge temper tantrums (something he never did before), telling his teachers "no", running away when they tell him to come over, etc.

Today, there was a note in his cubby that he was taking other kids' belongings and putting them in his cubby, covering them with his blanket and change of clothes.

We're doing the best we can to find a method of discipline that will effect him.

I'm not interested in hearing your opinions on how we should make it stop, your opinions about whether spanking is right or wrong, or anything like that.

I could just really use some encouragement right now. Do you know anyone who was awful as a preschooler and grew up to be kind and conviction-free?

Lala: If you are truly a psychologist or psychiatrist, you are a horrible one.

No responsible doctor, without knowing the specific circumstances, would state catagorically that a child has some kind of disorder, or diagnose a problem in any way.

Your rude, over-zealous nature really makes you seem less credible as a professional.

And by the way, all of MY knowledge on the subject comes from in-depth conversations with my son's aunt -- my best friend -- who is a school psychologist and who has known him from the day he was born. I would trust her word over yours without question.

Larry M: You should really look at my most recent question on here.

And in what way is a drug problem and a stint in prison a "success story"? I'm not interested in hearing about adults who finally shape up after being a guest of the State for years. THAT is not a success story. That is an "I was an idiot and learned the lesson a little too late" story.

Answer 1

I can give you an example... myself.

I was an only child of a very young mother. But she didn't spoil me. She was very involved in everything I did and never hesitated to discipline me.

But when I was young, I was often difficult. I did what I wanted to do, which wasn't always right. And I knew what was right. I just wanted to test the waters.

And when I was little, I took a few things... like books from my classroom. But I would do it because it was my way of getting back at someone. Like when the teacher made me sit out of recess. (I no longer remember why) But I wanted to "do" something about it, so I took a few books when she wasn't looking. But what I learned was that when i did that, it made me feel worse. I was learning that it doesn't help me to hurt other people no matter what. I think that my mom's indirect guilt trips had a lot to do with it.

But now my mom says she is glad that I had my bad period when I was so young.. rather than when I got older. She always said that it was the same hard-headedness that kept me out of trouble as I got older. And kept me from giving in to peer pressue.

As a pre-teen, teen, and adult, I never got in any serious trouble. Sure, I got in trouble... but I never drank underage, never smoked a cigarette, never tried drugs, never started stealing from retail stores, etc.

But when my mom learned that I did those things when I was little, she never let it slide. (As I suspect you don't either). She would ground me or take away my favorite toy. She'd tell me how disappointed she was and how she expected better from me because she knew that I knew better. Stuff like that.

Oddly, that still effects me. I still have a hard time doing things that my mom wouldn't approve of and I am 33. We don't always agree on how things should be done... but she tends to come to me for advice more often than I go to her for advice.

I think her consistency helped. And that some rebellion was necessary. I had to do things that were bad and learn for myself how it made me feel to do bad things. It made me feel awful, mostly because how disappointed and embarrassed my mom was in me. (That's huge when you are little).

So if you keep being consistent and let him know how how it makes you feel when he does things, perhaps it won't last long.

I hope it's just a phase and that he's just testing boundaries.

And perhaps find out the real reason he is taking things from the other kids. Was he mad at them or did he just want what they had? I think the reason behind the action will better guide you on the proper punishment. (Dealing with anger vs. jealousy)

Answer 2

Well Mandy I have no Psychological diagnosis for you.I can tell you that you would be hard pressed to find a child with worse behavior than my own as a child.I used to bang my head on concrete until it bled profusely.I to this day bear the scars on my forehead.I am now nearly 59 years of ageand the scars are still noticable.I had to see a Child Psychiatrist since age 5.By the time I reached 10th grade, school officials tired of my antics and expelled me for good.I suppose I could have attended Adult High School but I saw little point.One thing was that I was always an observant person and read everything I could.I was fairly self-taught from the many "groundings " I received for ill deportment.I was extremely well motivated to learn but I favored doing it on my own.Well there is much I am omitting such as my lenghty prison sentence and subsequent early release and my heavy use of illicit drugs.But in an effort to not run with this story too long I received my G.E.D.in prison.I attended a Community College for a term ,took the SAT tests and entered the University of Michigan_Ann Arbor.I never viewed school as a place to obtain a lucrative position after graduation.For me I loved learning for the sake of learning.I carried a 3.9 GPA all the way through in a Program coordinated between the Philosophy and Psychology Departments designed to prepare me for Graduate School in both /either area.I befriended several Professors along the way and they helped me procure jobs at the University all the while I attended.Well I graduated with Degrees in two areas -Philosophy and Psychology.I had 155 credits on my Undergraduate Degree.With the Sponsorship of three Professors I was able to obtain a Horace Rackham Schlorship and attended Graduate School in the School of Psychology.After completing my required Seminars and writing a Thesis in Human Learning and Research Design I Graduated with a Masters Degree in Expermental Psychology.Laboratory courses in Cognitive Psycholohy always fascinated me.With that Degree I was able to attain a contingent position at the Community College I had attended only 8 years earlier.I didn't attend full time as an under graduate and thus it took me a little longer than expected.So it is possible to channel a kid with a deplorable attitude into a useful member of the community.Things have a way of either ironing themselves out or ending in complete catastrophe.Too bad we have no way of visualing the future. Up above I didn't mean University of Michigan_Ann Arbor but University of Michigan-Ann Arbor.

Answer 3

My child was awful we had to take her out of head start she wasn't really bad until nap time. But she would scream, bite, kick, it was awful. Then when started pre -k this year the same thing but it wasn't always at nap time. She would tell the teacher no bring other kids toys home. She would come home and tell us the other kids where trying to control her mind. She did this acting very serious and worried. We had meetings with the teacher who said the next step was kicking her out. My husband sat down and talked to her. He told her that she would have to be put on medicine which would allow them to control her. He didn't know what to do. But for some reason it worked and she brings papers home everyday saying she has had super duper days. I know you didn't want opinions but I was told with my daughter to take her to play therapy. The reason is because sometimes the daycare isn't doing all they can to help the child. The therapists will work with the daycare to let them know what to do. Besides my child I know others that were bad in preschool and are fine as adults.

Answer 4

My son has sensory processing disorder and can sometimes seem to be acting out but is really on sensory overload. Your child may or may not have SID-but it seems that a lot of kids these days seem to have sensory issues and the great thing is that their issues can be resolved through play therapy (the therapist slowly reintroduces sensory to the child). Ask for a referral to occupational therapist if you think this could be an option (see below for website with additional info). Also, your child could have ADHD or other issues that can be decided by the appropriate physicians. Rule out all medical issues first before proceeding. Your child could be just simply acting up-but isn't it better to know if it is something that needs to be medically/therapeutically resolved?

We do spank our boys when necessary and feel it is a good tool when warranted.

Best of luck. FYI-after one month of Occupational Therapy my son started doing so much better. OT has been a Godsend for our family!

Answer 5

i've heard that my hubby was a pain in the butt when he was little..and he's changed now, he is a hubby a father and a soon to be personal trainer.

I dont think how they act at such a young age, has to do with how they will be when they grow up, alot of kids go through phases at different stages.
So im sure this phase will pass, you just need patience... and if anyone tells you how to raise your kid, or tell you that you are doing a bad job at raising your kid..dont listen to them, they are not helping you raise your son =]

Answer 6

I think you need to know that this is "normal" behavior. He more than likely has seen someone else doing the same thing with the cubbies...(that's where he got the idea). As for the tantrums, normal.

Final note: the teaching never stops with children...never.

Answer 7

Not only did I know a child like that, I LIVED with one! My sister was awful! As she got older, she matured and learned right from wrong. Now, everyone tells me how lucky I am to have such a great sister! (She's 16.)

Answer 8

my friends son was the same in kindy up till grade3 he was fine and then as you said he just changed. He just did not want to hear what anybody said. He is now in grade 5 and is a wonderful little boy.

Answer 9

Its normal to act out, its normal to act up. He's four. My son is almost 7 and he had his days, boy oh boy, when we were at our wits end. Overall he's a great kid, just acts like a kid sometimes :-)

Discipline with love, love fully and pray pray pray pray!

Answer 10

I think its a faze. You will be just fine. Keep up the good work.