Is it rude to give a bride-to-be lingerie when it's not on the list?

Question

I want to give a friend of mine who's getting married lingerie for her bridal shower, but that's not technically on the list of the registered items. Would it be rude to completely ignore the list and give her just lingerie and the like, or should I get lingerie and something from the list?

Answer 1

Items on the list are things she wants enough to tell people about. Lingerie is usually just a gimmicky gift to entertain the ladies at the shower. If you want to get lingerie, get her something off the list in addition as a real gift.

Answer 2

I know some brides-to-be that got offend by getting lingerie. It took away from their "fantasy" of what losing their virginity would be like, or whatever they had in mind for their wedding night. Some ppl would get embarrassed or have picked out something themselves. Your friend may or may not be like this, I would just get her something on the list, and them maybe later privately give her lingerie if you still want. that way she can be open with her feelings about it with you in a private setting.

Answer 3

You certainly are entitled to get any gift that you want--there's no requirement to buy off the registry. However, unless it's a lingerie/personal shower or bachelorette party, I find it a little weird to buy her such an intimate item. Personally, it would make me uncomfortable to receive and open such a gift in front of a room full of people. And, I'm not particularly prudish. I just think that lingerie is very personal and intimate.

Answer 4

I recently got a friend of mine something that wasn't on her list. Granted, it was a set of hand towels for the bathroom that we'd laughed about the year before. Perhaps your bride-to-be doesn't want to unwrap see-through-undies in front of her grandmother. (I know I'd be embarrassed beyond belief and start crying.) If she's having a bachelorette party and you're invited, that would be a much better place to give such a gift, or else just even send your gift to her so she can open it in some privacy.

Answer 5

No, really these days you get the bride whatever you want. Yes they have registered for items, but if you know her well enough that it won't embarass her (i.e. you're not really her aunt, mother, or grandmother), then by all means get her some lingere. You can also get her something from her registry, but it's not necessary; she should appreciate anything you give her. I have been to several bridal showers in which the bride-to-be received lingere.

Answer 6

It is not rude. The list is to help people pick items she would like but if you see something else, you can get it as long as it does clash with items on the list (i.e. she has registered for all white dishes and you buy her a set of very festive looking dishes).

Answer 7

So long as it is in proper taste and not cheesy I got lingerie and I was very touched by the toughtfulness. Some brides are very private so use your best judgment.

Answer 8

You are free to give whatever gift you wish. A list or registry is a convenience, some helpful suggestions for those folks who have no idea what sort of gift the bride might like. Any bride who regards her list as a means of dictating that these and only these gifts are welcome is too selfish to deserve a present. See
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiJ8khTTfdNYD8_DKmcsFDwjzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20071018140525AAoi7nl

Answer 9

For a shower, it's best to stick with household items, not personal things.
If you want to give her lingerie, give it to her personally, or at the bachelorette party, not the shower.

Answer 10

there is nothing wrong with getting her lingerie. now, with that said. if you are at a bridal shower with her 80 year-old great grandma you may want to say "you may want to open that carefully." at least warn her up front. some people are easily embarrassed and don't appreciated being embarrassed.