Is it proper to ask my cousin if it's alright to bring my girlfriend to his daughter's bat mitzvah?

Question

I recently received an invitation from my cousin, to attend his daughter's bat mitzvah (the Jewish version of a communion, for those unfamiliar with the term) in late November.

He addressed the invitation to me, not me and 'Guest.' However, he didn't know that I have a girlfriend, and that I'd like to bring her.

I already sent the RSVP back, saying I was coming (the RSVP date was yesterday). My question is, is it proper to ask him if I can bring my girlfriend, even though I was the only one invited, and even though the RSVP date has passed. And if so, how should I go about doing it?

My girlfriend has yet to meet my family, whom I rarely see, since I live in a different state, and I thought that this would be a great opportunity for that to happen.

Thanks.

Thanks, Luv2.

Arklatex: I was pretty close to my cousin growing up. We lived in the same town, celebrated holidays together, I'd sleep over there if my parents were going away, etc. As adults, we still would get together for weddings, sometimes major holidays, etc., even though we're rarely in touch (as I said, I live in a different state).

The reception is a black tie affair, and it's being held at the country club at which my uncle (my cousin's father) has been on the board of directors for decades.

Though I never call my cousin, I would be somewhat comfortable doing so, if that would be considered proper.

Teresa: Family events are usually pretty big to-dos, and usually at least 100 people are invited, if not more.

Muhnkee and Lidi: My family are millionaires several time over, so money should not be an issue.

Also, Muhnkee: I've only been dating my girlfriend for about 4 months, but we have a very serious, committed relationship (e.g., she took me as guest to her friend's wedding during the summer, I know everyone in her family, etc.), and will likely spend the rest of our lives together.

Answer 1

Technically, no, you shouldn't ask to bring a guest if the invitation didn't specify "and Guest".
They've probably already worked out the seating arrangements, and only have a limited number of seats available.
If you get along fairly well with your cousin, and it's going to be a very large event, then it might be okay to ask, but just remember that it is a technically invasive thing to ask.

Answer 2

I wouldn't unless you know your cousin really really well. If he wanted you to bring someone, the invitation would've said guest. They usually have catered refreshments and such at these functions, don't they? They probably counted and ordered food based on the # of RSVP's they got and they may not have seating or enough for extras (especially if everyone did what you are thinking about).
To extend an invitation given to you to someone else is really a form of party crashing.
The ONLY way I would even consider it is like I said if you know the cousin very well, and you called and just explained the situation and said please be honest and tell you if it's not ok, but if they had cancellations and it wouldn't be a problem could you bring her (but most people are going to say yes whether or not it's really ok because they are being put on the spot).

Answer 3

It's generally rude to try and add a guest on to an invitation. Is this a girl you've been dating for a few months or someone that you've been in a serious relationship for a few years? If it's just someone you've been dating for a few months, I wouldn't call and ask. Each guest costs them a certain amount of money and I think it's rude to impose another person on them.

However, if this is someone you've been dating seriously for a while, then it was a faux paux on their end to not invite her...I would have a family member maybe mention to the hosts that "Oh, it'll be so nice to finally meet so-and-so's girlfriend since they've been together for so long" and see what they say. But I still wouldn't call and ask. It puts the hosts in a very difficult spot if they're on a budget.

Answer 4

Yes it is proper to ask if you may bring a guest. It would be rude if you just showed up with a guest, but don't be dissapointed if you can't bring a guest- space may be limited, their budget might be limited.

Answer 5

Do you know him well enough to shoot him an e-mail and say, "Hey so-and-so. Looking forward to seeing everyone at the Bat Mitzvah. I would love to bring my girlfriend along and have everyone meet her. Would it be okay to bring her with me to the celebration? If it's too late a notice then I understand."

Answer 6

I don't think you should bring her. How long have you dated?

You could ask your cousin.

You could always see if they could go out afterwards to meet her, she could do things about town while you are happening.