I showed her the dress I wanted her to wear (I am paying for everything) and some others with a simmilar touch. I want the dresses to be blue and this was a beautiful evening blue with a diamond shape back that looked lovely on her. But she said no. She said no to every dress I liked. The only dress she could find in the store was this purple thing that wouldn't go with anything. But she says "I won't be your BM if I can't wear it". When I brought up flowers she insisting on carrying daisies,when I want roses because it'll look nice with the dresses, but again I got the "If you want me to be your BM...." speech. She is trying to decide every little detail of my wedding. Including inviting people I don't even know and she doesn't even ask me! HELP!
2007-10-25 11:36:09 · 36 answers · asked by Jasmine 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well, I'd tell her "gosh, I'm SOOOO sorry we couldn't find a dress you liked, so if you want to buy the purple one that's great. I'm sure you'll look nice sitting in the pews in it." And drop her from the wedding.
She has NO RIGHT to be dictating ANYTHING and she's NOT being a friend to you.
2007-10-25 11:56:41 · answer #1 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
That's incredibly selfish. What is your question here though? I mean, do you think you'd be made to feel or look bad if you put your foot down? Well close your eyes and imagine how you'd feel as you're walking up the aisle with nothing the way you wanted it. I'm also assuming this is costing you an arm and leg as well. I'd have to question what her problem is? Is she insecure thinking your friendship will change, or maybe jealous? Look at the motives behind the behaviour, and confront that.
Look, if you value her as a friend in spite of how she's behaving, you can try sitting down with her and just telling her straight out that the way she's behaving is ruining your day. This is totally unacceptable behaviour. Any woman knows and understands that the bride should have what she wants, including an ugly bridesmaid dress that you have to pay for - if that what she wants on her day, then a true friend is happy to do it. Besides, the dress you chose sounds beautiful and YOU are paying makes her actions insolent and childish. Talk to her, if she won't listen, then tell her - this is the dress I am buying, and these are the flowers my BMs are carrying. If she doesn't like that, then ask her to tell you now so you can find someone else.
Do not for a minute think you are being selfish or a bridezilla, you are not behaving badly by asking for and getting exactly want you want on your special day. Every woman knows that and respects it... well, generally.
2007-10-25 12:11:14 · answer #2 · answered by Lee 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
We are going through a similar situation with our Best Man. So I understand why your getting upset. First of all you need to sit down and tell her, I am not trying to be rude but this is my wedding. I am happy that you said that you would be my bridesmaid but you have to realize we (your fiance and you) are the ones that have to make these decisions. If you do not feel comfortable with the dresses that I like then we will have to possibly discuss another role for you in the wedding. Stress over and over that this is YOUR wedding. If you dont start telling her now it will just keep getting worse. Also with the flowers I would just tell her look we want roses we do not want daisies. If she keeps on insisting things that you do not want you will have no other choice that to find someone that will let you make your own decisions and wont force their opinion.
Hope everything turns out.
2007-10-25 12:00:19 · answer #3 · answered by I am Mrs. H! 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with a brides maid for my wedding. She insisted her dress be brown. She wanted to pick out the flowers, invitations, and the reception hall ,and she insisted that she was not going to wear a blue dress because "she wouldn't look good in blue" I kicked her out of the wedding party. It's no fun having someone like that trying to ruin your planning and your day. Get rid of her.
2007-10-25 14:26:51 · answer #4 · answered by stinky4sam 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wedding planning can bring out the worst in people: brides, moms and friends. It is great to get bridemaids opinions on what they'd like to wear, but they don't get to choose the color scheme or flowers. I'm assuming you have a long-standing history with her and this behavior is unusual?
I would sit her down and say, "Hey, I appreciate all your input, but surely you wouldn't want ME to pick YOUR flowers and BM dresses if it were your wedding." If she can't be reasonable, then she can follow through with her threat and not be a bridesmaid at all.
2007-10-25 11:50:32 · answer #5 · answered by eli_star 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you have to have a "chat " with her and say "look I have everything carefull planned..I've thought about this for a very long time...I don't understand why you're finding it so difficult. Even if I made you wear the most hideous thing,...if you were a good friend you would wear it because it's my wedding. " ask her to explain what she doesn't like about the dress and maybe you can find an agreement.? like if she doesnt like the hem or something stupid like that..maybe you can change it around.
if she's really being difficult maybe you should just say that youre dealing with a lot of stress at the moment and you'd appreciate she be supportive, and if she won't be that maybe for your frienships sake she should step out of the role to avoid more tension and arguing.
It's YOUR wedding you deserve to be happy and control things..
Congratulations on getting married! im sure youll have a lovely ceremony, the dresses sound beautiful according to your descritpion and you sound like a lovely person yourself so you really shouldnt have to deal with her mini drama
she maybe just seeking attention cause she's not the life of the party.
best of luck!
2007-10-25 11:52:38 · answer #6 · answered by kittenmarie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
sound like she is trying to plan the wedding like she would want hers. If she dosent want to wear the dress you picked out for YOUR wedding then she can step down or you can find someone else. Explain to her that the blue dress with the diamond back is the dress you want and if she refuses to wear it or be in the wedding for having to wear it then she may be happier sitting in the crowd because your not chaning your mind, and that is the dress that you want. End of story.
2007-10-26 06:05:46 · answer #7 · answered by nicki 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk about black mail. Don't give in! This isn't preschool where a kid will tell another kid "I won't be your friend if..." You can approach this thing in two ways: one, sit her down and tell her tactfully that this is YOUR wedding and not hers. She can do what she wants when it's her turn to get married. Or the next time she does her "I won't be your BM" dialog, you could just say, "Okay. I was just about to ask you if you wanted to back out of being my bridesmaid anyway. Thanks."
Good luck and tell us how it goes.
2007-10-26 02:38:16 · answer #8 · answered by doktorangbaliw 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did something happen to your backbone?
Tell her that she won't be a BM in your wedding.
Take over the control of YOUR wedding. I've never heard of such a thing in my life. She is very domineering. You are better off without her.
You are the one who is getting married. You are supposed to have it just like YOU want it. YOU will never be happy if you don't stand up for yourself. When you look back on this in 10 years; you will have a completely different outlook on this. You will be mad with yourself if you let her do it her way.
2007-10-25 11:55:19 · answer #9 · answered by Barbra 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Ditch her, this is your day not hers. She should be honored that you even considered having her as a bridesmaid. PLUS bridesmaids are a dime a dozen just stick close with your Maid of honor. Tell your bridesmaid that this is your wedding and she's gonna wear what you want her to wear and if she doesnt want to then she can hit the road.
2007-10-26 05:00:08 · answer #10 · answered by bella_babe_86 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋