So how much force is it acceptable for a parent to use against their child?

Question

No ban on 'smacking'- but where does smacking end and more serious stuff begin?

Answer 1

well this is one of the most debated issue in parenting.

i am a dad of 4, and i never wanted to smack them, but sometimes it has been needed and i can see it being needed in the future.

spanking/smacking should be rare, as a last resort, and just enough to get the child to "understand" your point of view as it where. a red bottom is fine but their shouldnt be any bruses or cuts or swelling or anything else! it should be reasonable. and if we want to be techincal it should be on the bottom and with an open hand.


you can call me mean, or a bad parent or what ever you like, over the last 20 years ive noticed that everyone has become a parenting expert and feel its their right to lecture to others and if you dont do it their way your a bad parent! or at worse a child abuser!

now i accept you can raise a child without spanking, it can be done, if i just had just one child, maybe i wouldnt smack, but i am not supernanny i am a normal person with limited tolerance and with 3 other children to look after, for me and my family spanking is need, and guess what? it works! i wouldnt use it if it didnt. i hate doing it but my children need to learn discipline.

Answer 2

The location of the smacking matters a great deal. Children should never be struck in the head or face, as this can cause serious brain damage. At the least it causes terror, and you don't want your kid to be terrified of you.
State laws vary, but almost all agree that anything that causes bleeding, scarring, burns, broken bones, starvation and abandoment are completely out of line.
It's probably OK to smack a 2 year old on the bottom if he just ran out into traffic. Once children reach the age of 4 or so, they're fairly rational and physical punishment begins to be counter-productive. The general rule is, use physical punishment as little as possible and never to extremes.

Answer 3

As adults we would never accept a smack /thump/slap etc anywhere on the body from another person no matter what we had done.Children who are smacked do not have the choice BUT to accept it.Are children an exception to our own rules just because they are children.I don't think so.If someone hits me it is an assault.If I were to hit someone it is an assault.If someone hits a child it is assault.The same laws apply to children as they do to adults about the right to be free from assault.Somehow adults who hit their kids perceive themselves to be above these laws and the only justification they can give is "I am their parent so that gives me the right to hit my child."No it does not.
Smacking a child is about a loss of control by the parent.It then becomes about how the parent is feeling and no longer about what the child has done.A parent who smacks then has to excercise self control to stop them going further.As we all know when a parent cannot self control the child is at serious risk from severe abuse.It is well documented that some abused kids go on to abuse thier own kids and so the cycle of abuse continues.There are so many non violent effective methods of disipline but the lazy parent will be the one to ignore those methods.Perhap's they are the one's who were disiplined themselves by smacking from thier parents.

Answer 4

Hi,
Tricky and sometimes can be easy to fall foul of this one when things are stressed but I sure think kneeling for a few hours is uncalled for!! I also am against hitting as I remember being hit but I don't remember why for every time, please try other alternatives first, I go with the methods advised on TV like the nannying programs, explaining & reasoning with them from a young age and "time out" on the spot for a few minuits or in their room is great if only to give yourself the time to count to ten, breath, relax, calm down (maybe get the washing up done!) and then talk to the child, its much easier to get a cuddle after :-) For older children punishment of cutting down their screen time is beneficial, they can read a book or get fresh air instead ect.

Answer 5

Keep in mind that I do not believe violence is a solution to any disciplinary problem.

Smacking (parental right to corporal punishment) and spanking does not injure the child. What is considered acceptable violence will not leave bruises or lasting marks on a child.

As a child care provider, I am required to take a class on child abuse and neglect every two years. I am expected to be able to recognize the signs of abuse, as I am legally obligated to report to social services if I suspect a child is being abused.

Answer 6

Finger marks or hand prints, no bruises, that stay on the body for more than one hour. This includs a belt, or a fly swatter, or anything used on the body to discipline a child. Excessive kneeling like 3-4 hours is acceptable but not looked at as abuse.

Answer 7

Common sense should tell you this.

A smack on the bum when they're playing up is fine. Beating them black and blue with a strap isn't.

Let your common sense guide you in between. The only people who need to ask this question are those who don't have any.

Answer 8

if you need to use voice to control your kids the best thing you can do is admit defeat now and hand them over to someone more intelligent or at least someone w3hos willing to see alternatives. ive never ever smacked mine And was never smacked/hit assualted whatever......all the same.
conversation based on your rules is the only way to go.

Answer 9

Absolutely zero force is acceptable. In response to forcing a child to kneel for 3-4 hours is acceptable is completely abuse. Along with humiliation, it's ludicrous.

Answer 10

JFTR consistancy is more important than severity.

A smack is intended to inflict pain, not damage.

Got it. If you can see a mark the next day, it's too much.