About Noah's Ark?

Question

And the Lord saith unto Noah, "Where is the ark which I commanded thee to build?"

Noah replied, "Behold, when I journeyed to the Jordan County Planning and Zoning office for a permit, verily they railed against me and said, "Thy property art not zoned for an ark thirty cubits high. Thou wouldst require a 1040 review, environmental impact studies and a public hearing for a variance..."

And the Lord saith, "Noah, faithful servant, do thy best...I shall take care of you. But I needeth the ark completed in two fortnights. Do not fail!"

Noah answered and said, "It shall be so."

But it wast not so. And the Lord saith, "Noah, wherefore is the ark, my schedule doth call for the ark to be completed before Christmas?"

And Noah answered, "Christmas? What's Christmas?"

"In by Christmastime! It's just an expression used in the building trade. It doesn't mean a thing."

And Noah answered, "Verily, it shall be done."

But behold, it was not done. And the Lord saith, "Noah, the ark is not ready."

And Noah answered, "Verily, I have had three carpenters off ill and on worker's compensation and last Monday was a holiday. And the fowls of the air Thou ordered by sevens are now sold only in half-dozen lots."

Noah wrung his hands and wept, saying "Oh Lord, I am undone."

And the Lord replieth with compassion, "Take heart, Noah. Now thou understandeth why I have called for a flood to descend upon the earth."

Answer 1

Very good and thanks and I totally am in agreement with this---lol

Answer 2

Some people just don't have a sense of humor, I guess. (And I'm talking about some of the responses you got, not your joke - very funny!)

A rich man finds out he's going to die, and he asks God if he can bring his wealth with him. God tells him no. The man pleads with God, explains that it's taken him his entire life to accumulate all of this wealth and begs to be able to bring it with him. God tells him he can bring ONE suitcase with him, but it will have to be checked at the gates.

The man has all of his wealth put into gold bars and stacks them in the biggest suitcase he can find. That night, he dies. He goes to heaven and meets St. Peter with the suitcase. St. Peter tells him he has to inspect the contents, to which the man agrees.

St. Peter opens the suitcase, looks at the gold bars inside, looks back at the man, dumbfounded and says,

"You brought PAVEMENT?"

Answer 3

funny but i heard one funnier about a modern day noah in the end god says forget you guys already destroyed the world

Answer 4

Correct. That story is about Noah's Ark.

Answer 5

Funny.

Answer 6

the lords wrath is mighty! :( perhaps Noah should have asked for an extension.

;)

Answer 7

This is a Fantasy, Fairy-Tale

Answer 8

Lol I could tell your making fun of the KJV and bad translation.

Answer 9

Oh God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son"
Abe says, "Man, you must be puttin' me on"
God say, "No." Abe say, "What?"
God say, "You can do what you want Abe, but
The next time you see me comin' you better run"
Well Abe says, "Where do you want this killin' done?"
God says, "Out on Highway 61."

Well Georgia Sam he had a bloody nose
Welfare Department they wouldn't give him no clothes
He asked poor Howard where can I go
Howard said there's only one place I know
Sam said tell me quick man I got to run
Ol' Howard just pointed with his gun
And said that way down on Highway 61.

Well Mack the Finger said to Louie the King
I got forty red white and blue shoe strings
And a thousand telephones that don't ring
Do you know where I can get rid of these things
And Louie the King said let me think for a minute son
And he said yes I think it can be easily done
Just take everything down to Highway 61.

Now the fifth daughter on the twelfth night
Told the first father that things weren't right
My complexion she said is much too white
He said come here and step into the light he says hmm you're right
Let me tell the second mother this has been done
But the second mother was with the seventh son
And they were both out on Highway 61.

Now the rovin' gambler he was very bored
He was tryin' to create a next world war
He found a promoter who nearly fell off the floor
He said I never engaged in this kind of thing before
But yes I think it can be very easily done
We'll just put some bleachers out in the sun

Well georgia sam he had a bloody nose
Welfare department wouldnt give him no clothes
They asked poor howard where can I go
Howard said theres only one place I know
Sam said tell me quick man I got to run
Oh howard just pointed with his gun
And said that way down highway 61

Well mack the finger said to louie the king
i got 40 red white and blue shoestrings
And a thousand telephone that dont ring.
Do you know where I can get rid of these things?
And louie the king said let me think for a minute son
Then he said yes I think it can be easily done
Just take everything down to highway 61

Now the 5th daughter on the 12th night
Told the first father that things werent right
my complexion, she says, is much too white
He said come here and step into the light
He said hmm youre right let me tell the 2nd mother this has been done
But the 2nd mother was with the 7th son
And they were both out on highway 61

Now the roving gambler he was very bored
Trying to create a next world war
He found a promoter who nearly fell off the floor
He said i never engaged in this kind of thing before
But yes, i think it can be very easily done
Well just put some bleachers out in the sun
And have it on highway 61
And have it on Highway 61.

Answer 10

Loved it, very funny and true

Answer 11

Where do you get that from?
The ark represent the church today, not the catholic Church. But the church. It had only one window. Have you any image of the ark with one window this days?
That means that people do what they want to do. But that unique window represent the only vision in the church as the body of Christ. NOT the catholic Church.