worth it if sex is eh?

Question

I just started dating this guy who is so sweet...likes to cuddle, give backrubs, sweet texts throughout the day, and emails, etc. But I just do not have that butterflies feeling. We've slept together and it was just eh but he's inexperienced for his age...maybe he just needs practice? But he doesn't take to the guides that I give him. Do you think that I would know right away if this was something special? I just don't want to throw away a sweetheart just because the physical side is less than earth shattering. And I'm sorry if this is an over-share, but afterwards I just want to jump up and get in the shower which I think is a pretty bad sign (but don't know if this would change as a deeper relationship evolves). And I don't want to lead him on while I try to figure out how I feel- he's already pretty smitten and I don't want to hurt such a guy. Thank you so much! And yes I know jumping into bed so soon was stupid...already vowed not to do that again.

Thank you so much everyone! This has been so helpful!

Answer 1

i don't think you should give this guy up just yet. I felt the same way about my current boyfriend when we first started dating last year. He had no idea what he was doing in bed, but i didn't want to break up with him just because of that because he was so great to me. so i stayed patient with him and showed him what i liked... Now a year later i'm completely in love with him and he pleases me in bed like no other!

Answer 2

Wow this guy is like a clean slate that you can mold into something you can both benefit from! There is so much experimenting you can do together to make it really enjoyable as the relationship evolves. He sounds like he got it all with the exception of bedroom skills, don't let that stop ya. Get that butterfly feeling back by just anticipating what you can teach each other in the bedroom. I say go for it!!!

Answer 3

Is it worth it? I would say so. But for my own reasons. Never throw away a good thing. Perhaps the relationship can be what it is and no more. I have been affiliated with a wonderful woman for over 30 years (it's a long story), even though the "sex", if you call it that, is not earthshaking. Her love, companionship, emotional support, and heart are worth keeping.

However, if you feel THAT disgusted and have to go into the shower, no way. So do not lead him on.

Answer 4

well this is a GREAT question for me to answer! i went through the same thing. When i got with my current boyfriend he was still a virgin which was shocking to me! The sex was horrible at first but then i just started to think maybe with experience hell get better! and ohhhh man did he get better! now i think that he is the best i have ever had. Small coachings along the way will help, sometimes be like baby move this way or if it works better maybe you should be on top for most of the time and control it your self, if your good all hell have to do is lay there and the sex will be the best you ever had!! lol!! dont stress it too much just get him to listen to what you say to do it cuz you definatly do not want to loose a great guy who is amazing to you like your statement says over the sex being ehh!! good luck with that!! :)

Answer 5

Tell him what you just told a million people on the internet. Guys don't understand 'cues' you have to vocalize what you want: harder, faster, softer, gently, kiss here, not there.
Many guys like to know that they are pleasing you and if you lead him on (by not telling him the truth) you're going to resent him.
Are you attracted to him? Just because he cuddles and gives back rubs doesn't mean there's chemistry. It sucks, but you should do this before he buys you an engagement ring.
If he's worth the time...don't throw him away , relationship, not just physical ones, but the ones you have with friends and family takes effort, honesty and work. So if you like him, work on your relationship then you'll see if there's some sexual chemistry there.
-Good Luck

Answer 6

Well, my and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months. I felt the same way you do. Everything was perfect except eh bedroom time. :) And I contemplated ending it and moving on to something alot more exciting and fun. But I just went with it, and I am happily in love with him and would have regretted my decision to end it. It is not all about sex, but it helps. Try new things and maybe you need to teach him a thing or two? Hope this helps!

Answer 7

Give it some time and get closer with each other first. Sex will come. Just enjoy being with each other for now. Then after a while and some months have passed and some feelings have developed, show him where you like to be touched, kissed, caressed and licked during foreplay and sex.
Good luck. Keep me posted.

Answer 8

If the dude matches every values you have for a relationship. Then it is worth it to stay. Sit down and talk with him about what you want in making love. As inexperienced as you call it, you can show him, how it suppose to be done.

Answer 9

I would give him a little time. Maybe he'll grow on you and the sex won't be such a big deal.

But if you feel gross after you have sex with him, that's not the greatest sign.

I would give it a little longer and see where it goes. If you're still feeling weird, I'd let it go.

Answer 10

Good sex it is hard to find. Wouldn't that be nice if you found back rubs good sex and a good conversationalist ,cuddles,help with house chores,romantic,funny,rich,good attitude,manly,sexy,in shape, showmanship during sex. the place you find this is heaven. For now You need to be in love to be having sex and the sex needs to be good for both of you. If you think there is hope then talk about it with him.