Friends nine year old girl....left home alone??

Question

I have a friend who continually leaves her nine year old girl home alone so she can work. Her husband has a steady first shift job and she works three jobs...she's a realtor (new to the business so the pay hasn't really taken off yet and she only gets commission), another job that calls her when she needs her during the day, and she works part-time nights four days a week. I don't know how she does it, but her daughter gets left in the dust.

Anyway...there's teacher's convention today and tomorrow and her Grandma was supposed to come and get her this morning. An hour and a half later, she texts me and says that she's "really scared...Grandma isn't here yet....I hate bening home alone". I asked her if she could call her Grandma to see if she's on her way. She told me "No, Mom and Dad only have cell phones so I can't call anyone." God...what if something serious happened and she needed to dial 911?? I'm tempted to report my friend as I really feel for her daughter.

What should I do?

Mom says that "she took a home safety course at the hospital...she knows what to do". I understand that her Mom is trying to make ends meet financially, but you shouldn't be at work more than you see your daughter and nine is too young to be home alone!

I meant via instant messenger. This girl, when she's home alone, sends me messages morning, noon, and night saying that she's "so bored" and "hates being home alone."

Answer 1

Hello... I can understand your frustration but there might be something that is happening behind closed doors. You never know what troubles a family is having or even financial problems they might be having. Don't get me wrong... I don't agree with it... but where is the dad after he gets off work? i've been in a situation where I had no money, no choice for a daycare / sitter... new to a state and didn't know anyone... my daughter was 9. i had to leave her alone ( ex husband is a deadbeat and has never paid child support ) ... for almost a month straight before and after school until i got home from work. it wasn't my first choice. it was my last resort. thank God he was watching over both of us... but still i hated every minute I "had" to do that. i wouldn't be able to judge what other people do w/their lives because i've made bad choices too. you just never know what is happening... maybe you should suggest to watch her for a little bit... or maybe just ask your friend if is she ok... are things going on and are they ok... you might find your answer there. ask her the questions before you take it to authorities... be there to help and if she doesn't want your help then maybe that's when you take it beyond... sorry if i offended :)

Answer 2

You should try talking to your friend and see if she can be brought to reason to get a home line or a cell phone to be left at home for emergency use. As far as I can tell there isn't a legal age that defines when a child is too young to be left home alone, it is more a matter of whether the child has the ability to take care of themselves for the period of time they are left alone. If you are good friends you should also share with her that her daughter is expressing fear at being left alone though I cannot help but wonder that she's already heard this. Your personal intervention is probably as good as you can get as I don't think there is anything you can report her for, not from the facts you provided, other than not providing a phone for emergency calls.

Answer 3

Make the call. From what it sounds like, you already have tried talking with your friend and it didn't lead anywhere. It doesn't sound like either parent is showing much interest, nor the grandparents. Maybe a visit from the state is what they need as a wake up call. This is really ridiculous...sounds more like they use the work schedule as an excuse, and are too cheap to hire a babysitter. and, yes, I too was left home alone a lot when i was this child's age, even younger. Just because my parents did it doesn't mean it;s the thing to do. The world was a lot different 25 years ago and the biggest difference there was that I DID have a phone available to me. I mean, what on earth are these people thinking not having a phone available to a 9 yr old??? Are they really that irresponsible?? I seriously doubt talking with the mother will make any difference...as you mentioned, she said her daughter took a safety class...did that class explain what to do when the house in on fire and no phone is available? Seriously, please call. It may ruin your friendship, but this child obviously needs some sort of help and you are the only one in a position to do something.

Answer 4

Write an anonymous letter, make a copy, send one to your friend and her husband and the other to her school principal.

Never mention anything to her just be there to support her when she calls.

The fact remains that in most states the law is that you can't leave a child home alone until 12. Some states are 10 but that is usually stipulated for no more than hrs and they are to have a phone for emergencies.

If anything ever happened you would never forgive yourself and this way you are doing something and trying to preserve your friendship at the same time.

This isn't about whether the girl is mature enough but her safety mainly depends on a stranger or someone who knows the family that may take advantage of this little girl and the cost could be her innocence or her life.

Answer 5

How did she text you if she didn't have a telephone?

But either way, I would say talk to your friend about it first. If she doesn't listen to you or continues to leave her young daughter home alone, you can report her to the child welfare office.

In truth, it's not likely something serious will happen and she will get hurt... but what if it does? Imagine how you would feel in knowing you could prevent that by reporting your friend.

Also, when you're not busy you can offer to watch her or at least go by and check on her and make sure she's alright.

Answer 6

if its your friend, dont report. they are your FRIENDS.

besides half of the world leaves their children home alone. I was always home alone. it used to be really hard to find money and trust for a nice babysitter in central Europe. I know its dangerous but people were poor.

talk to your friend and explain that this cant go on like this. or do you have children? find someone or any kind of sollution so your friends daughter can be safe.

I'm sure they do love her, they dont neglect her. but this is what happens when money runs the world. I remember that I was 6 and still bathing in the living room. then we finished our bathroom. dont blame the parents, blame greedy people that only wants money for everything. I wish there would be people that would watch kids for free. volunteers. think, we have to pay so our kids can be safe. while older people 50 years ago were watching kids for free. my grandmother was babysitting anyone for free, except she only requested money for food. and there was a World War 2 going on, but she gave her time to watch other kids.

if they truly love their daughter, then only talk with them and say that she cant just be home alone and maybe you can help them with your money to find a babysitter or whatever can be a nice sollution. reporting can make things only worse.

Answer 7

It's certainly unusual these days, but I was on my own after school from age 7. In fact, I used to WALK to kindergarten half a mile away.

Paradoxically, I'd never let my kid be alone at such an early age. But I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it. If there's trouble, I don't think there's much a 12-year old could handle that a 9-year old could not.

Answer 8

Nine years old is definitely NOT old enough to be left alone. What are her parents thinking? Obviously, they're not thinking about the safety and well-being of their daughter, that's for sure. I'd say you'd have to talk to them about this. But unfortunately they will probably just get defensive. Maybe you could anonymously tip off the authorities and let them look into it, although they don't seem to care much either. I feel sorry for that little girl.

Answer 9

I don't know what your friend is thinking but is waful that she leaves such a young girl byherself floow by the fact she doesn't have a phone?? OMG! I wouldn't make it through the day - I work full time - without being able to check on my baby several times a day. You need to talk to your friend and make her see how many risks she's taking. Can she at least hire a sitter? Your friend needs some insight on this. I can't believe some people!

Answer 10

My times have changed...I used to stay home by myself @ 6, I was a latch key kid. I was babysitting for $$ by the time I was 10...of course it wasn't for any huge length of time but still, it only takes a matter of minutes for the house to burn down.
When did we stop teaching our children responsibility and trusting them...I think it should be considered on a individual basis at what age a child should be able to stay home alone.