I'm 22 & want to resolve issues w/ my father before I get married next year. My father mentally & emotionally abused me and physically abused my little brother (who is 20 now) for 10 years. He took us from our mom, didn't use the child support on us, didn't feed us adequately, left us at home for weeks alone,etc.
He had my baby brother (12y/o now) w/ another woman. And I thought my father would realize he was a bad parent & do better, but he treats my baby brother badly too. He constantly asks me "Why does daddy treat me like this? Why doesn't he love us?"
I want him realize how he has horribly affected me & my brothers' lives! I want an apology & I want him to change the way he treats us! In the past I've tried to speak to him but he ends the subject by ignoring me or screaming at me to make me cry & scare me away.
Which do you think will get him to listen to me more?
Should I tell him in a letter or try to tell him face to face? Thanks for reading all this.
2007-10-25 07:32:31 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
A letter would be better - it would give you a chance to say everything you need to say without interruption.
However, nothing you say or write can change your father or make him apologize. Only he can do that, and he may not be ready to face that yet, if ever.
Write the letter and give it to him, because it will make you feel better knowing you got a chance to say what you feel. But don't expect anything back from him.
Seek therapy for yourself and your brother so you can heal, and call Chilren &Family Services to investigate - it may be too late to change your childhood, but perhaps you can protect your brother from the same suffering.
2007-10-25 07:38:29 · answer #1 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like a letter might be the answer as if you have tried to discuss it with him in the past and you end up upset and in tears then the same thing will probably happen again. If you put it in writing and he takes the time to read it perhaps he will take an honest look at his parenting techniques and realize the harm he has done in the past. Hopefully he is man enough to give you all an apology and also attempt to make changes in his style of parenting. He may have been raised by the same method which he raised his children and so that is all he knows, I am uncertain as to his reasons. If you can discuss with his new wife his parenting techniques perhaps she can be an ally for you with him also. Best of luck and I hope you do reach some closure and resolve in this issue.
2007-10-25 14:40:37 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should write the letter. I wrote my mom a letter recently and she was torn. We live in different states. She wouldn't listen to everything I had to say over the telephone. She would interrupt with excuses and denials instead of allowing me to express my feelings. I had been procrastinating to tell her how I felt because I had a strong fear of hurting her feelings. Then I realized that I could no longer fake like our relationship was all good with this burried inside me. And I felt that I could no longer prioritize her feelings over my own. Although the letter hurt my mother, I was glad I wrote the letter because she now knows everything I've been wanting to say but couldn't. And our relationship has grown significantly because of it.
2007-10-25 14:54:43 · answer #3 · answered by MixMatch 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would write him a letter and then wait for him to come to u for the real discussion later. The letter is a good starting point b/c he's not being put on the spot and confronted. Good luck and congrats on the engagement!!!
2007-10-25 14:42:40 · answer #4 · answered by Pixie311 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would write it down. You have already tried talking to him. He is not going to realize it and he is not going to apologize to you. If he is doing the same thing to your brother you need to get him some help.Don't let him go through that too. Good luck.
2007-10-25 15:10:27 · answer #5 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
One thing I have learned over time and especially with family, is you can either take them or leave them just the way they are. There is no point in trying to change anyone It never works. You need to choose to accept this person in your life just the way they are, or you can just leave them and move on.
2007-10-25 14:54:33 · answer #6 · answered by Kenny K 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would tell him in a letter, if it's possible that he can hurt your feeling face to face it's better to write it all down and this way your not subject to leaving anything out. i found that writing letters get people attention alot more than face to face confrontations.
2007-10-25 14:38:44 · answer #7 · answered by sexijlp 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A letter. Sometimes parents can block their kids out.
2007-10-25 15:49:41 · answer #8 · answered by Sky 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
right it down in a letter he cant run fr that
2007-10-25 14:36:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋