A bit lengthy...sorry :(
My ex and I were together for almost 2 years (He is 21 and I am 20). He was my first love and I was his. He told me that I would be his future wife and the mother of his children. He even said that I was the best thing that ever happened to him.
After he switched schools (not long distance...our colleges are very close), he began to recieve ALOT of attention from the females at his new school and he was very flirtatious. There were even a few instances that girls called him after 1am! I told him this bothered me, he said they were only friends that that he would stop. I began to ask him if he wanted to date other girls and he always told me no because he loved me and only wanted me.
Soon I discover that he kissed one of these girls. He says it was a mistake, but I end things. About a week and a half later, we reconcile, but then he confesses that although he loves me and wants to give me the world, he is not ready for a serious relationship right now.
2007-10-25 07:23:36 · 51 answers · asked by HoneyChild 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He says he wants to give me the world, but doesn't know what he wants and doesn't think he's ready for a serious relationship. He says it's not about looking for something "better" but I don't buy it. He says that he can't explain what he wants because he doesn't even know, himself. He asked several times if I would continue a friendship with him b/c he does not want me out of his life. I don't think I can do this because I still love him and want to be with him. I have not contacted him since.
It hurts because I still love him and feel that we are soul mates. I want to believe that he loves me, but I feel that he couldn't possibly if he wants to keep his options open, I guess....I'm so hurt by all of this. Any advice/opinions/suggestions?
2007-10-25 07:28:24 · update #1
I love my dog, but I also like to pet my neighbor's..
2007-10-25 07:26:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Although you don't want to hear it, he is being honest with you. You can't ask for anything more than that from a person.
Although it is hurting you, you have to let him go. You guys are so young (compared to someone old like me) and things change so much during your life. There are things that you think you will want, and later you decide that isn't what you wanted after all.
We are always growing and always changing - regardless of our age. That is what life is about - nothing ever stays the same. This doesn't mean that he didn't love you and that he doesn't still. He is just trying to decide where his life is going.
You have to let him go his own way and leave yourself open for new relationships. If you guys are meant to be together it will come back around. If not, you will start a new life, meet new people, and I promise you will be happy again.
2007-10-25 07:28:24 · answer #2 · answered by nite_angelica 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, he's not being completely honest with you. He has watered down the truth about these other girls. Girls don't call you at 1AM just to kiss you, trust me. He has cheated on you and you were right to end it. Here's the deal, he had complete and total freedom from you since he went to another school (not that you are controlling, but because he didn't have to follow any boundaries of your exclusive relationship.) He had a taste (literally) of freedom and now it feels really good. He did love you at one time, but now realizes that he needs to plant his seed and get all these feelings out before settling down. (This is what you need to do because I hate to say it and sound cliche, but you are only 20.) He loves you, but he is not in love with you anymore and you need both of these things for a lasting relationship. Promise yourself that you will move on and not be there when he's done spreading himself around. I would cut ties. This may be harsh, but true.
2007-10-25 07:31:11 · answer #3 · answered by sadmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is too young to settle yet. He may love you but he loves you different than how you love him.
Just be friends, good friends, right now and date other people. If it is meant to be you guys might cross paths later.
I always thought that leaving HS and going to college you should be able to experience the whole college thing single so you could have fun and date alot of different people to find out what you really like in a person.
He really is trying to let you down easy because he knows it will hurt you more than him.
2007-10-25 07:30:45 · answer #4 · answered by MARILYNN S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you something, college is a really REALLY tough time trying to keep a relationship. You need to want to make it work, and its practically inevitable that someone slips up. I managed to make it by myself, but only just. Problem is, over exposure. You have to know, that letting yourself get close to someone of the opposite sex is a bad thing in a relationship. It only can lead to bad things. You just do your best and hope you have the strength to avoid temptation.
I'd say give him a chance, but lay down some strict rules about ladies and calling and being friends.
2007-10-25 07:30:07 · answer #5 · answered by Koozie the chemist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chill. Don't be the neurotic ex-girlfriend.
Your boy hasn't had time to see whats out there, and now hes curious. You might hate it, but this is how things are going to be right now.
The best thing you can do is be cool with it, and go ahead and see what else is out there for yourself. Don't fight with your boy, he may find you're all the wants, he may not. But hes not going to remember the awesome person you are if you're all weepy/pissy when you're speaking to him.
The worse thing you can do is be physical with him, even so much as kissing, while you're in this stage. If you do, and hes also being physical with other girls, then you're letting him have it all. Bad idea, he can't have it all or you'll be miserable. Its you or them.
If you can forgive him for the kiss, and you're still interested in him, my advice is don't end contact with him, but don't be TOO available, and do not under any circumstances get physical without more of a commitment.
For the time being, get out, see what else is out there, you might find something better, or you both might find out you're all each other ever wants. Good luck babe!
2007-10-25 07:34:00 · answer #6 · answered by Ashes 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I probably am not the best person to give you advice because I don't have this problem.. but, if he kisses another girl- you obviously arent a huge part of his life..even if he is a big part of yours. He is immature, and you don't deserve that! Excuse me for sounding cliche, but maybe you guys can be together in the future. He needs time to be a typical boy now. Once he realizes those girls arent fulfilling, he may want you back! Its your decision if you want to take him back!
2007-10-25 07:40:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not ready for a serious relationship....Its hard to hear but he has realized that there is so much out there. Let it go and let him get it out of his system. You should also go out and have fun and will soon find out you are not ready either. Both of you are so young. Ultimately, if he really loves you he will come back to you, but dont wait around!!
2007-10-25 07:29:33 · answer #8 · answered by C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least he was honest, so you have to hand it to him. OK, so he's not ready, that should be the end of the story. If you are ready for a serious relationship then I suggest to move on. Think of you first and find someone else.
2007-10-25 07:28:18 · answer #9 · answered by Shoe Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on.
He has. He is in college. He want to experience everything including other women. You should do the same thing. While you are in school and even wehen you get out of college, you are so busy into finding yourself and making your career grow, you don't have time for a serious relationship.
HE MAY HAVE SWITCHED SCHOOLS TO GET AWAY FROM YOU.........hmmmmm
2007-10-25 07:27:16 · answer #10 · answered by holeeycow 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The 1am phone call would be the thing that worried me most. There is only one reason to call someone that late.
This guy is jerking you around. I know it is tough, but sometimes love isn't enough. Time to let it go and find someone new.
2007-10-25 07:27:41 · answer #11 · answered by sloth15 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋