My 2 yr old daughter has been staying 45 mins away at my mother's house. She is there with her grandparents, her great grandma, her great grandaunt, her aunt, and her 2 cousins. (it's a big house). They are out in the country. I live in the city where I just got a promotion at a really good job and am about to take classes to get my degree in business management. I have my own 2 bdrm apt. Sometimes my daughter comes on the weekends but sometimes i work on wkends. Her father wants to be with me but i choose not to because we've been off and on for almost 4 yrs in an unhealthy relationship. Recently he made me feel like crap about her being with my parents. It was my parent's idea though. They say she needs stability and not to be around us arguing and that it saves me money on childcare right now. My daughter should be able to stay with me for good by Christmas. Am I doing the right thing? I feel blessed to have such wonderful parents, but is this good for her?
2007-10-25 07:03:11 · 26 answers · asked by shanee h 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
to Chelsea Y- I can't right now because my boss gave me mandatory overtime. i don't go out to the country very often because it's way past her bedtime by the time i would get out there so I stick to seeing her on weekends. I work as a property manager and by Christmas my hrs should be different because I'll be leased up and I will be making $3 more an hr to afford childcare during the day for her. To Adrianne M- I cry about this all the time. I don't want to put my job over her but I don't know what else to do but make as much money as I can right now. With a better financial situation I will be able to work, take classes, and live with her, but i don't know many POOR people who do that and that's why people fall into welfare. My family is like the Cosbys, very loving, fun people and they love having her there. To everyone else- thanks for the input, I feel alot better. This is so emotionally hard!
2007-10-25 08:21:49 · update #1
It's not about what others think. I think that perhaps you can work to get a big house for you and your daughter but al that matter is if she is happy. And you are blessed.
I left a bad relationship right after I gave birth to my son. I would have been homeless after I left the hospital giving birth to my son. I was working with my son's father even after I left him it was hard and stressful but my mom took me in told me that if I'd quit my job she'd help me support my son while I went back to school to get my associate degree.
I could have stayed with my son's father we'd have lived in a big house and my son would have a mother and a father, but he was selfish and emotionally abusive. People judge me about that saying I should have stayed, but I feel like I'm doing what is best for my son.
Just keep God first and don't listen to people. My Dad used to say "Opinions are like butts everyone has them & they stink."
2007-10-25 08:19:33 · answer #1 · answered by babydoll_y2g 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know it is so hard to work and be a single mum at the same time, It is ok to get help as in future your daughter will benefit from all of this, plus it only temporary not permanent so no i don't think you are a bad mum, you are looking into the future and seeing what could be
Why cant you stay a few nights at your grandparents place, as you say it is only 45 min away and that you would be able to spend more time with your daughter and you might not feel as bad as you do
You are doing what you think is right at the moment, don't worry everything will turn out alright and you and daughter can benefit from it all
2007-10-25 12:19:40 · answer #2 · answered by gizmo_macca_au 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look as long as you are only doding this to better your life so that you can provide a safe and stable environment for her thats fine im a single mom with a 2 year old daughter too i have had no help and have been fighting to stay above water her dad is not even in the picture and when he was he did the same thing ... i charish every moment with my daughter and hate that i dont see her as much as i would like because she spends about 10 hours a day at the baby sitters but when i have her i make it count and you should too and when you can provide the right environment around christmass and the two of you have each other again the bad times will be well worth it and you can tell your x to back off you are doing the best you can and your best is always the right thing
2007-10-25 07:38:10 · answer #3 · answered by kay 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If i was working like you are and i knew where my daughter was at all times and I knew she was getting taken care of and not being around all the drama then yes you are doing a good thing for your little girl, but i would stop working as much so you can have more time with your daughter, or if possible just ask if you can get off at 5 so u can be with your daughter and spend time with her you know watch a movie or play with her toys, but your daughter is the most important person in your life and you should be there for her and another question why should she be able to stay with you for good on by christmas why not now, Oh and the daddy just needs to get ahold of his life and help you work it out with your daughter and ya'll need to work it out and what ever his or you are doing yall need to stop and think what your doing to that baby, she needs her mommie and daddy right now. I really hope this helps
2007-10-25 07:14:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are right, she needs stability and that's exactly what she has right now. You need to concentrate on what's best for you at this point to benefit your daughter in the long run. If something in your life is unstable (such as your arguing with her father) it will be damaging to your daughter's well being. If your daughter is happy then you should know that you are being a good mother by putting her best interests first. Once your situation becomes more stable then it would be good for your daughter to come home to you, but for right now you made the right choice by having your daughter live with your parents.
2007-10-25 07:10:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I was younger, my best friend was in a similar situation. At the time I thought it was kind of odd, because all I wanted to do was be with my baby, but now I could see how it could be helpful. If you're only using it as a stepping stone, and its not causing any bad blood between you and your family or hurting the relationship between you and your daughter, then why change it? You're lucky to have a supportive, stable family. Don't let your baby's dad make you feel bad. What's he offering her? :)
2007-10-25 07:16:29 · answer #6 · answered by Denise S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You recognized that you couldn't handle your daughter full time while you were getting started in your career and taking classes to advance. You were lucky enough to have a supportive caring family who wanted to help out and provide a place for your daughter where she would be happy and safe until you are able to take care of her full time. You have been regularly seeing her so she doesn't feel deserted. Why would you listen to someone who wants to verbally and emotionally abuse you? You made a hard decision and your daughter will soon be back with you full time. Good luck to both of you.
2007-10-25 07:14:33 · answer #7 · answered by Diane M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like to me you are trying to create a stable environment for your child.
It might be hard on your daughter to come home for good after being away though. Having regular visits at your home and increasing the number of visits and length the closer you get to your target date of her return so as not to upset her maybe helpful.
Children are very forgiving and able to give love unconditionally. Stick with what your hart and parenting instincts tell you, you know your daughter best.
2007-10-25 07:12:57 · answer #8 · answered by ocean_doula 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a child should be able to see/stay with her mother. However if it is only temporary and you are able to keep her by December I don't think it's such a horrible idea. It's only a month and by you getting a promotion and degree is going to help her out in the future by being able to provide for her.
2007-10-25 07:08:30 · answer #9 · answered by Avery 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your doing whats best for your little girl. I'm a mom too, and I know how it feels to want to do the best thing for you kids. If you and her father arn't getting along I think its a good idea. Plus it's only 45 minutes away, you can see her whenever you want. And good luck on her staying with you by Christmas, I hope it works out.
2007-10-25 07:10:35 · answer #10 · answered by Chelsea 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋