please help me, my daughter is having sex?

Question

please help me. i dont know what to do. my daughter is 16 and she recently started dating this guy whos 23 and i wont let her see him. but she continues 2 sneak out and sees him. she'll sneak out of the house meet with him, skip school. This guy has to be a pervert bc hes 23! i want to file charges on him, but i dont want my daughter to rebel even more. what should i do. i also know this guy is into drugs.

Answer 1

I agree a 23 year old is way to old for a 16 year old. I guess you could file charges against him. Like you said though this may cause her to Rebel. And could ruin your relationship with her. If he is in to drugs I would bet your daughter is doing drugs too. Oh man, I don't look forward to those teenage years.
Regardless I think it's time to get your daughter some birth control. They have those 5 year IU's now, so you don't have to worry about her missing a pill.

Answer 2

I don't know what state you live in but in many the legal consent age is 16, therefore you will not be able to press charges on this guy. However because she lives in your house you can have her assigned to a truant officer for skipping school. She is rebelling because you are trying to stop her from doing something that you can't stop her from doing, short of taking her prisoner. You should check into what the legal consent age is in your state and if your daughter is of legal consent age then you should try to accept the fact that your daughter is going to make her own choices, and even some mistakes. I do not agree with you on this man being a pervert because he is 23 though. I know plenty of guys in their early 20's who date girls 16 and older. Most women at 18 are just as naive at 16, women at 18 typically have the same body type at 16, by the time us girls reach 16 their isn't much difference between that and 18. My best friend, who is 24, is in a serious and commited relationship with a 17 year old. She still goes to school, has a job, gets good grades.

Answer 3

If she is in love, there is little you can do. She may find someone else eventually, But if not, be careful not to drive her away.

In the past in the UK, England used to have the age of marriage without parental consent at 18, while across the border in Scotland the age was 16. So young couples would head for a place called Gretna Green. Just over the border, to get married, so their parents couldn't separate them..

But this is now....I am aware of the age laws in America being different, than from this side of the pond. Try and persuade her to stick with school. The drugs may be a worry to you...many young people have taken drugs, though some become dependent on them, while others are more responsible.

He is only about 7 years older, In just two years maybe less, they could be married. Unless, the drug problem is serious, I would do little, but be supportive. But across here her age would not be a problem................... You must follow your instincts

Answer 4

It is hard, More you fight against your daughter the more she will rebel against you, all you can do is support her and let her know that she loved,
you can only hope that she overcomes him, try doing a bit of reverse physiology it might work, the more you yell the more she will run into his arms, she is 16 and is a teenager,
As for the sex bit try and leave some flayers lying around the house that explains std and so forth, perhaps have some condoms in the cupboard, i know that you don't want her to keep running back to him back the more you struggle the hard it will be, all you can do is support because with or with out your permission she will continue to do, at least doing it this way is keeping her safe,,

Answer 5

there are a lot of factors to consider about this. Your daughter is at an age where rebellion is on every corner and she wants to be "cool" so she feels pressured into doing things. She probably believes this Hound loves her and you just want to mess her life up. I would be concerned that this moron is giver her drugs which could cause a whole world of even more trouble. I had a same experience when i was a teen it escalated to a really bad problem. I wish i would have known then what I know now; I would have asked my mother to send me to a girls home that is in South Carolina. They help a lot of girls and now boys. I wish you the best of luck. The name of the home is Victorious Valley Home for Girls. If things get too bad check it out. I's call the law if the police know this guy is a druggie then they may offer help otherwise take a warrent out on him.

Best of Luck

Answer 6

I would get the police involved. The only reason a 23 year old would be with a 16 year old is for sex. I know a girl who did this same exact thing and she did it because she was looking for attention from her mother and her mother didn't care and she ended up getting pregnant by this guy, and because of this they decided the mother was unstable and the police put the 16 year old in foster care along with her baby. Your teenager is going to rebel. Most do. I mean if you have to you can go to the police and get her put on house arrest..

Answer 7

If he is doing drugs, then assume that your DAUGHTER IS, TOO! : (
You have to be the parent here -- and parents have to do the hard job. GROUND her, FILE charges TODAY against him..
It is against the law! Call the police NOW! If that was my child, I would have the police, the school, and everyone else I knew, INVOLVED in helping me! You can take everything away from her: no money, no car, unplug the phone in her room.... whatever you need to do to get her to listen.

Call the police, call social services.... do anything & everything you can do.

I have even heard of parents putting bars on the child's windows and locks on the doors, to keep them from sneaking out.

IF ALL that FAILS: make the hard choice and give her an ultimatum:
She either STOPS dating him or she needs to MOVE OUT.
If she moves out, it will be very difficult for you -- BUT she might learn a very important lesson: that she NEEDS you!

My parents were STRICT with us, growing up..
The rule in my house was:
"If you live in this house, you must obey the rules"
If she can't obey your rules, KICK her out.

My parents also charged me RENT [lol] --- make her get a p/t job after school and have her turn over her paychecks to you. My parents did that -- BUT they put 100% of the money I earned into a SAVINGS account in my name and gave it to me later [after I straightened up!].

Tough love - but it works!
Good luck!

Answer 8

Here's something to think about. I was 16 and seeing a 22yr old. I was doing all the things your daughter is doing(including drugs) with this guy. I ended up pregnant @16 and he suddenly disappeared and I have never seen him again. My parents tried to press charges against him to keep him away from me and baby if he ever came back, but in state I was in 16 was legal age for consent. I turned out to be a good person, but if you don't want to be a grandparent you may want to step in.

Answer 9

If you think your daughter is going to rebel anyway, talk to her about birth control and condoms. Tell her if she is going to become / is already sexually active, at least take the proper precautions against becoming pregnant and getting STDs. Tell her she MUST use both condoms and birth control because it's better to be safe than sorry, and that birth control alone does not prevent the spread of STDs.

Also talk to her about drugs. Tell her that you are concerned about her actions and that you would like to educate her on the effects of drugs and how they are not positive in any way. Maybe you can ask her if she knows what kinds of drugs he is doing so that you can look up the information together?

The only other thing I can think of is calling the gentleman's parents (if he has any) and speaking to them about your concerns with their relationship.

If I were in your situation I probably would have killed the guy and beaten sense into my daughter.

Good luck!!!

Answer 10

You cant file charges, as far as I know every state in the US has "age of consent" at 16 or younger. Its not statuatory rape cause she is of age to consent to sexual activity. The best thing you can do is to get her on birth control pills and make sure she takes them every day. There isnt much you can do legally about her not being in school either as she is "of age" to quit that if she so chooses.
What you can do is ground her! and as far as skipping school I will tell you what worked for my daughter: she started skipping school and nothing I did stopped it, I would take her to school and check her in and less than an hour later she would be gone. So I started going to school with her. I followed her to her classes and waited outside the door. It was a pain in the butt. It only took one day and she said ok what do I have to do? I told her she had to be in school every single day. That if she ever skipped again I would come to the school and stand behind her in the classroom embarrass her!! As far as I know she quit skipping then.

I also found that if I made myself appear to like the guy that my daughter's dated they would very soon break up with him!!!