How can you deal with the fact you could have taken a revenge but you didn't?

Question

I have a strong resentment towards my mom because she was cruel, when I was 14. I made mistakes, was a teen, she gave me a harsh punishment though I sincerely regreted. She said I broke her trust and since I loved her despite my mistakes this let me reslly down and depresed. Though I pleaded for her trust and showed I deserved it she was extremely cruel and it months for her to trust me again. When this happened, our realtionship was destroyed, I've never got over this. Today at 24 I'm gradiated, have a good job, got over that fact but avoid my mom. Now she's a widow, went through hard times and I ended up lending her good money, she should pay me yesterday, upon her word. But she didn't and don't know when she will. I don't need the money, but it was my great chance to throw at her gace she broke my trust and she's not a teen. It was my great chance to make her take her own medicine. But my younger sister begged me not to. All I did was say she doesn't need to pay me. Lost my chance

This is eating me inside. I ended up being a loser, wasn't enough strong to get my revenge.

Answer 1

Have you ever heard that two wrongs don't make a right? Revenge is wrong. You should be sleeping better at night that you did the right thing.

Throwing this in her face will only cause further resentment. If you would feel better about making a point of this, do so in an adult fashion.

When she does repay you, politely remind her without being mean or sarcastic that she had agreed to pay you on (whatever day yesterday happened to be) and she didn't even talk to you about it when she couldn't pay me on time. If she wishes to keep your trust in the future, she need to keep her word, or at least make other arangements with you if she cannot.

You get the best "revenge" against those who have wronged you by killing them with kindness. Let go of the anger.

Answer 2

You were strong enough NOT to take petty revenge.

SHE'S YOUR MOM!!!!! The only one you will ever have and life is far too short. Its not about revenge!! What would have happened if you had? Would the pain have gone away or would you have just felt like an *** hole and ruined evrything forever? She would never be at your wedding, or your childrens birth, you would not get to say goodbye before she passed on. You would carry the pain and regret to your grave.
Like you said your not a teen anymore. You are a grown up, and able to forgive someone who is in trouble. What you need to do is find a way to resolve the issue in the past. I bet she was not cruel to you for the sake of it, just like you made a mistake and hurt her, you did not do it on purpose. You both need to understand why you both did what you did 10 years ago that caused each other so much hurt, and take on the responsibility for your actions and try to make amends to each other.(although you say you have already gone a long way towards this at the time) You have taken the first very important step towards forgiveness and resolution by not taking your revenge. You did not take the final step and sever your relationship forever. Deep down you want to make up. Talk. She needs you and you do need her.

Answer 3

I think you were stronger for helping her when she was down. That could teach her more of a lesson about how she treated you than anything else. It's not good to hang on to anger about your mother and I say good for you, your'e growing up and becoming a fantastic and forgiving adult. You are not a loser but the biggest winner in my book. My mother was horrible yet I still forgive her for many things, life is to short to hang on to anger over poor parenting. I have cancer now and am really glad I let go of the anger long ago or it would be affecting my healing capacity. Just make sure when you have children you don't raise them the same. I was talking with my son the other night and he told me he was so thankful I raised them the way I did and said I did an excellent job with them and that made me so proud nothing could have made me prouder or feel better. Revenge is just not worth it concentrate on your good life and the wonderful future you will have and when you have children you'll know just what NOT to do. Good for you!

Answer 4

You already HAD your revenge! You graduated, have a job, you're pretty and you're a good person! Your mom was cruel to turn away from you, but you ARE strong, look where you are today? What better revenge is there than doing better than the person who hurt you?
Don't ask her for the money. Let her live with the guilt of owing you (like she did to you when you were just a kid).
So don't let her misery affect you anymore! Remember the person who hates hurts more than the person being hated.
So stay strong girl! You're doing great! A Star for you!

Answer 5

Look, living well is the best revenge. You may think that saying the same thing to her will make you feel better but it won't. Let it go, whatever it is that happened, and move on with your life. Just remember that childhood is over and it's time to look forward to your adult life, making it the best you can.

Answer 6

You are right and wrong

Right: You are a loser
Wrong: its not because you didn't take revenge. Its because you've destroyed the relationship with your mother, you admitted that you made mistakes, parents are to discipline their children, even if the child regrets the mistake they still need punished. You seriously need to grow up. Maybe she should have punished you more you sound like a spoiled brat.

The fact that you would consider throwing it in her face to spite her is pure evil. She was punishing you probably because she loved you and wanted you to learn to be better. You are just being a disrespectful child (yes i know your 24). It's ten years later LET IT GO.

Answer 7

You want revenge because she was a good parent and put you in your place when you acted out? Trust doesn't happen overnight and when you break it, you must rebuild it. You're lucky it only took months, most of the time it takes years to rebuild lost trust. You may be 24 years of age, but your mentality is still at 13.

Answer 8

Wow - I would say you need to see a therapist!!!
If you screwed up as a teen and she wouldn't trust you as a result - that is SO normal! And even if she was more cruel than you deserved... get over it!!!!
Istead of getting back at her find some help and forgive / get over it!! For your OWN sake!