Should I get legally married in 2 weeks to my fiance and then have the catholic ceremony when he comes come from Iraq in 2 years? His unit is getting deployed in April and he wants to be legally married before he leaves, just in case something were to happen to him. However, my family wants the Catholic wedding. I could do both but the catholic cermony wouldn't be the same as if we were getting married the first time..We were suppose to get married in May until we found out he was getting deployed. I already have my wedding gown ordered! I just want to know what other people think..thanks to all who do!
2007-10-25 04:36:49 · 26 answers · asked by Liz S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I believe your fiance is correct. I talk to allot of troops who are deploying and their first thought is the same as your fiance, taking care of the one they love. His pay will be changed for his new dependent, his life insurance will be in your name.....the list goes on and on. I do allot of weddings at Luke Air Force Base in Arizona, and Yuma MCB just for troops that have the very same plans as you do, and have had to get them advanced because of deployment.
Have the Catholic Re-Newal ceremony after he is home and safe in your arms. It is a hard choice, you both will be in my prayers, Chaplain Debby
2007-10-25 12:04:38 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand that your family wants a traditional Catholic wedding like they had always imagined for you, BUT if this is the man you want to spend your life with, you need to make the decision based on what the two of you want and hope your family will support that.
If you are okay with marrying him now and doing the big ceremony later, and he wants that too, do that. Your big ceremony will be even more special because of the time apart. Like a reward for the sacrifice you'll both be making.
But if he's not being deployed until April, why not just move the wedding up to March? If you can book a church a month or two earlier and get the dress and everything else moved up, then you'd have the best of both worlds. If that's not a possibility, then get married when and how you want.
2007-10-25 05:24:46 · answer #2 · answered by iheartbayley 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would it not be the same? My husband and I had a regular Catholic ceremony but his sister and husband had a civil marriage first and a Catholic ceremony later. It seemed the same and I know they had to do some sort of pre-Cana as well. If you haven't already done pre-Cana I'm not sure a priest will marry you right away. I am also not sure you could get it done so quickly. You can investigate it.
Either way, do what you want to do. It is best for you to get married before he deploys so you are eligible for whatever benefits will come your way. My cousin and God-sister just did this and it was worth it. They are both still planning elaborate weddings for the future. The ceremony is just the show and legal ties, you guys are spiritually married already.
Good luck.
2007-10-25 04:52:13 · answer #3 · answered by tetlitea 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I actually somewhat agree with Frank. Your fiance can always have the proper Estate Planning done if he wants to "take care of you" in the case of the worst happening.
I do not envy your situation. I am not a fan of wars in general. I just wish the whole thing would be over.
But what feels right to the two of you? Are you comfortable spending your first few years of marriage apart? Will he be more distracted with you as his wife... or with you not his wife?
Do you feel that it would in any way "ruin" your wedding day?
Have you talked with your Pastor to make sure you know what the difference will be and what will be involved? Have you both talked to the Pastor about how that will effect your ability to take communion and what the effect may be as far as your beliefs in the "after life"?
I'm not trying to be all preachy... just that I know that some Catholics feel it is very important to be "right with God" through confession, communion, etc. And that some feel that being married outside of the Church creates a problem with that.
It does sound like you know that the ceremony would be different, so that's good.
If you or your fiance are practicing Catholic, and are thinking about the "what if" scenarios. You must also consider what you believe will happen in the afterlife.
If the Catholic Ceremony is of great importance to you, talk to your Pastor. He may be able to perform your ceremony (privately or with guests) sooner so that you can complete the sacrament and have your marriage blessed in the Catholic Church. And wait on the whole big reception part.
You can always plan a vow renewal (thank goodness he's home) and a Reception for after he returns... perhaps on your anniversary.
2007-10-25 05:10:43 · answer #4 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would go get married by a justice of the peace and then have the ceremony when he returns from iraq... it seems wise, especially since you never know what could happen. If you are worried about what your families might think just do it and don't tell them about it, then have the ceremony later and the will never know. Good luck, and much hope for a safe return home to your fiance!
2007-10-25 05:26:40 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Infatuation 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said your family want you to have a Catholic ceremony, but what do you and your fiance want. You need to look at the circumstances of his being deployed. You can marry now and then see what the circumstances are in 2 years.
2007-10-25 05:13:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get married ... legally it means a lot, especially with your circumstances. A "wedding" is the symbolization of love you share with your family and friends and you can definitely do that later. I know Catholic ceremonies hold a lot of tradition and value ... and I think you're thinking you don't want to demean that. However, him getting deployed changes things. Do that when he returns ... safely. Good luck and congratulations. Tell your fiance "thank you" for serving our country.
2007-10-25 05:55:54 · answer #7 · answered by Pisces Chicka 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What should you care about what other people think? This isn't about 'other people;' it's about those people about whom you care deeply. Discuss this (phone, email, smoke signals, whatever works) with your fiance and see what's best for you. One thing you don't seem to have considered is having the small legal wedding, and then having a church "ceremony of blessing on the marriage," not a church "wedding" after you're already married. Others have also done the small legal wedding, and then a large church reception at a later date. Toss all these ideas into the pot and see which one works best for all of you. Talk it out with the people who really mater to you.
2007-10-25 04:48:30 · answer #8 · answered by thejanith 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband is active duty military.
We got married at a courthouse (we had our parents and siblings there with us)... we wanted to go ahead and get married too because of the military thing. It helps out financially and then you have the support of the military if things come up (like him getting deployed)
For me, it really worked out for the best because right after we got married he got orders to leave for school and then got orders to actually move (without us being married, I wouldnt have been able to move with him -- well, the military wouldnt have paid for the move)
So we started planning to have our wedding on our 1 year anniversary... well, that even had to be postponed because he got orders again... so we eventually had the wedding (earlier this month)
Im so glad we did things the way we did. And after talking to my wedding coordinator, she said that its very common in todays society because of the military and the war.
I'm not catholic, so I'm not sure how that would work exactly... but we still had our wedding in a church and did it like a renewal of vows kind of thing (we wrote our own vows)... but we did everything as if we were never married (flower girls and all)
Do what you feel is right. People may not agree with it right now, but you know whats right for the two of you.
Ps. even if your parents dont agree, at least let them know what you are doing. My parents didnt agree at first, but they never would have missed that day at the courthouse. Even if its a "different" situation, most parents want to be there the day their child gets married... my parents are now completely fine with what we did and now agree that it was for the best.
Good luck!
2007-10-25 05:49:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That sounds like a great plan. Just have a small ceremony with just your immediate family. Then after he come home renew your vows with a catholic ceremony if that is permitted. This way you can celebrate your marriage and the service that you husband did for his country.
This way your fiance will have something to look forward to when he is in Iraq.
2007-10-25 04:48:03 · answer #10 · answered by tohumanity 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋