Should they send wedding thank you 3 yrs later?

Question

My brother-in-law & sister-in-law were married in June 2005. It is now October 2007 and they never sent out thank you cards for their wedding or her bridal shower. Some of our family members feel begrudged and my sister-in-law gets very embarassed when the situation is brought up. AFter 2.5 - 3 yrs should they send out thank yous or would it be worse to send them? I told her to send them to the family members who are upset with a little apology in it but she still hasn't sent them. I don't want to hear about it anymore!

sorry to confuse - this is my husband's brother (married a girl un-related to all of us)

my husband and I sent our thank you's out within the first 2 months after our wedding

Answer 1

I'd say go for the cards, and give the issue closure, especially since some people still want the acknowledgement of the gifts given. All she has to do is do a brief "sorry for the delay, but thanks so much for the toaster and check, it was, and still is, greatly appreciated!"
If she's really stressed, how about just sending cards to the people who are known to be upset. I agree with you tho- it's time surely to get past this!

Answer 2

I think that your idea is good. Obviously it's going to be awkward either way, but if they send them out now with little apologies, I would hope that the family members would start to get over it. Either way, it's better to at least have made an effort to smooth things over.

I don't think they ought to send them to everyone, just the people who are obviously upset. However, it gets complicated, because if great aunt Mildred rings up her friend Betty (who is also a friend to the family and gave them a gift) to sigh about how she finally got her thank-you note, Betty might wonder where her card is. It's a bit of a quandary, because if people have forgotten, it's not the greatest to remind them. I think your solution is the best - just send them out to those who are disgruntled.

I don't blame you - I have an aunt who gets very worked up about these things and I have listened to her complain for years about everyone who never sent thank you notes on various occasions. It's not a very engaging discussion, is it?

Answer 3

I agree that you shouldn't feel the need to compete. It's your wedding; a celebration of your love and commitment to one another ~ not a Broadway show. :) I'm getting married for the second time in September. My fiance has never been married. I wanted low-key; he wanted the full meal deal. So we compromised. We're getting married outdoors on my parents' lawn, casually dressed, with one attendant each and close family and friends invited (150). It will be a religious ceremony. The reception will be in a hall, with a 3-course meal, speeches, a DJ and a dance. We personalized our wedding by making our own save-the-date cards (with one of our own photographs ~ a beach scene), our own invitations, and our own programs. We have involved the people who mean the most to us in both the preparations and the actual ceremony/reception. We wrote our own vows and picked music that means something to us. The flowers for my bouquet will be handed to me one at a time by each of our siblings (there are a lot!) as I come up the "aisle" (accompanied by my Dad and my teenage son), and our reception centrepieces will include sand, beach stones, and shells from each of our towns (blended together). It's not a "theme" wedding, but it's an "us" wedding. It's about your love, and the most beautiful weddings I've attended have been the ones that are personal; not showy. Good luck with whatever you decide. :)

Answer 4

BIGGIE!!! She missed it on this!!! A thank you note, NO.

Instead maybe send a note/card/etc. to be in touch. Do it around their anniversary, mention in general "wedding stuff"!!! Tell how useful the gifts are, what they bought with the money, etc.

People may or may not figure out why she is sending this.
Better then nothing!!!

Answer 5

in my opinion sending thank you is a courtesy and its a general acceptance to do it but its worse to be upset for not recieving it than to not send it.
maybe they are so wrapped up in each other they just dont do it
brother in law married your sister in law thats cute maybe its best they dont send any notices
normally it would a brother married a sister in law or a sister married a brother in law sounds like somebody married a siblings x spouse ?????????????????/

Answer 6

I personally think the thank you notes should still be sent, better late than never.

Don't let this be your cross to bear, tell the family members who are feeling begrudged that they are complaining to the wrong person, you are not the one who received the gifts.

Answer 7

i don't know this is a very gray area... it would seem to me it's too late but maybe it would solve a few things to send something and say we are really sorry we haven't sent anything yet because we have been so swamped with other things...
kind of like by now it's damned if you do, damned if you don't...

Answer 8

No! The bride and groom always like feedback from their guests, and within a few weeks or so. It does'nt take years
to figure that out! unless they have ADD disorder.

Answer 9

Its far too late to do that.

Those bitching about a thank you card are not worth the time or money and are being real pricks.

Did they give gifts to get a thank you card or did they give a gift because they love them and want to give them a present???

Ridiculous. They need to DROP IT already.

Answer 10

I'd leave it now, it could bring it back up again and make it even worse, and receiving a thankyou card 3 years later would sound sarcastic.