I have been with my partner for 4yrs now. We are both 22yrs old, engaged a yr and live together for 2 yrs now. I love him to pieces but im distraught with how Im treated as he is extremelly jealous and controlling, especially when alcohol is involved!I hate going on nights out with my partner because when he drinks he has a very aggresive side,not towards me but other people. Literally every time we go out he gets into fights. When he gets into these rows he will then take his anger out on me, not by hitting me but by shouting at me n saying hurtful things, he then walks away from me n leaves me completely alone. I literally beg him to leave the fights etc n just come home but he never listens. So after every nite out i go home alone n cry myself to sleep. He constantly thinks i want to be with other men!I have been cut off frm friends too.He wants to know wher i am all the time and if i spk to another male world war 3 develops! I cnt live like this but i luv him despite all this!Help
2007-10-25 03:47:28 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I hear this same story time after time after time. It's always the same! One controlling, selfish, evil 'man' takes one innocent, kind woman and wraps her right around his finger, tearing her away from her loved ones and verbally abusing her until she's got so little self-esteem that she believes that this 'man' is the best she can do.
Well guess what : YOU CAN DO BETTER!
This guy has manipulated you so much hun. You may not see it right now, but he's completely taking over your life! NO ONE has the right to make you feel so awful and accuse you of things you haven't done. I know you say you love him, but I can assure you the feeling isn't returned; no matter how many times this guy tells you he loves you, he obviously doesn't - he's destroying you!
The best thing for you to do is get out of this abusive relationship IMMEDIATELY and get some help - be it from a councellor, your family or even your friends. It doesn't matter who you turn to, you just need to be away from this guy.
HE'S the one with the issues here and needs to get his own help to deal with them. YOU just need to work on raising your self-esteem and moving on.
There ARE better men out there! Best of luck.
2007-10-25 03:57:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know you probably wont want to hear this but what your boyfriend is doing to you is emotional abuse. This situation will proabably never get better until you leave it. What makes it hard is that you love your boyfriend; however, what he is doing to you is clearly going to affect your sanity.
If he is cutting you off from your friends and curtailing every interaction you have with a man that is not him, he is denying you your basic freedoms and individuality. While there is always a level of commitment and sacrifice to any long-term relationship, the two partners should always remain individuals.
Perhaps you can try to reason with him, but from what you have said I don't know how realistic that would be. It could be one of the hardest decisions you'll make, but I would honestly consider what this relationship is doing to you.
Good luck, and be well.
2007-10-25 04:01:54 · answer #2 · answered by ky_jodac 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sit down with him and make him understand he is the one for you. Could be you are doing something that makes him insecure. He sounds like he has anger issues too. Drinking will not help.
Write him a letter telling him how much he means to you, then start showing him everyday with nice things. Give him reassurance everyday that he is the one for you.
You can get a little crazy when your girl means the world to you. He is afraid of loosing you. So, just make him know he has you. Get friends that are girls and hang with them.
Also tell him you want to have fun when you go out and to stop with the drinking and fighting.
Show him you love him everyday,,,really show him,,,he is not getting it right now for some reason.
2007-10-25 04:01:25 · answer #3 · answered by crasher 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Baby doll!! Hunny, you need to get outta there!! I have been in that situation myself and it wound out bad!! Myself and my mothers life was almost lost because of an Alcoholic!!! He was the one but as time went on, it got worse!! I agree with Kate M. Honey please do it for your life, you need a life to spread your wings, have fun with your girlfriends, you're young you shouldn't keep a beautiful diamond away from the world and that is the exact thing he is doing!! Baby doll, please do it for yourself and get out of there, you can go to a near by salvation army and talk to a rep there about Safe house. They can supply you with a home that will hide you away from him and they can put a restraining order on him if you need it. And it's gonna sound like you might need one eventually!!!! They'll help you tremendously!! Please get out of there!!! I hope you choose what's right for yourself. Good luck hun. And god be with you.
2007-10-25 04:03:03 · answer #4 · answered by ♥£eah♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey that is not love. you need a man who really loves you. he does not trust you, he treats you like crap. it is time to call it quits and learn from this. I am 22 too but i am married with two kids and going through the same thing. I am moving out this weekend. so i know where you are comming from.
2007-10-25 03:54:26 · answer #5 · answered by rachel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 18 and i have a jealous bf and i just hate it because he doenst trust in me,right. But i know i am not doing nuthing wrong because my love for him is real but he gets mad when i go out with my guys and girls friends. He tells me that i dont have time fof him and **** but that not true because his the one that always with his friends. i would give everything to be with him, but no matter how bad he treats me i cant let him go... becuase he makes me feel so differently that before....and i love the way he cares for me and i have never been cared like that by a guy....i know that his sweet and cares and loves me but his sometimes ets out of control...but he has never hit me and thank god....but if he does one day i just got to have the courage to let him go no matter how much i get hurt.....but i love him and his the guy i want to be with and i dont care of no one else......sometimes i cant stand being like this but i love him and when i am with him talking he makes me laugh and makes me shine..........i love u jose....its hard but why........
2007-10-25 04:19:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should love your self more then him. It's obvious he has a drinking problem and a macho thing going on. To keep you away from friends that's ridiculous!! Later it's going to be your family! I think you should reconsider, maybe he is not the man for you.
good luck! you need it.!
a friend.
2007-10-25 04:01:22 · answer #7 · answered by LUNA. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has anger issues..if hes abusing you verbally and putting you down or calling you names and gets in your face you should most DEFINITELY leave him.that how abusive relationship start.they abuse you mentally and verbally and you continue being w/him and putting up w/it so he feels you will NEVER leave him no matter what he does to you.someone that treats you this way doesnt love you or respect you..you hear these type of cases ALL the time.get out while youre still alive because before you know it its going to get worse and become physical abuse.do you really want to end up dead or in the hospital w/ a blow to your face,disfigured FOR LIFE w/all your teeth knocked out??NO RIGHT!!..PLEASE LISTEN TO ME AND GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP NOW!
HOPE I HELPED
2007-10-25 04:25:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have to say to try and get him to realize he's being a jerk, try and get him to cut back or even quit alcohol. I know it can be hard, but tell him (calmly and nicely) that he is being a jerk. If he's any kind of a decent man at all that loves you, he'll listen to you.
2007-10-25 03:52:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to get away from him and I mean RUN !!! Pretty soon he will start hitting you . This does not get any better . You need his permission to speak to other males ? that is stupid !!! Get away from him ,cannot stress that enough to you . Please get to somewhere safe and tell him after you leave that you are not coming back and get a restraining order immediately after you leave . He is dangerous and will hurt you if given the opportunity . Please keep yourself safe and do what you need to do . good luck and I will pray for you .
2007-10-25 03:54:40 · answer #10 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋