Read this short question and answer http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=5562872
I think she is crazy-i will not invite my mothers friends to the wedding bc she might get upset. My wedding is a personal celebration that I want to share with people close to me, not everyone i ever met!
2007-10-25 03:01:49 · 21 answers · asked by Sunshine 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ok...not all of what Ms Manners has to say is crap. I will give her points for most of her good etiquette advise, however, inviting all of my mothers friends simply because she wants them to be there for my day I don't agree with. Most of those friends, I haven't seen in YEARS. My mother can be proud and happy for me, but I will be paying for my wedding and I don't feel that I should be made to feel quilty for not inviting somone else's friends. I also don't want to have the big Hoo-ha wedding that so many people have to do.
2007-10-25 03:15:52 · update #1
Well i have aunts and uncles that i dont really get along with BUT because i know my mom would want them there -they are invited.
But inviting friends I feel is different. I do want close friends and family of both me and the groom to be's there. We both have friends of our parents we feel are like family who will also be invited, but all friends we hardly know do not need to be there if WE are paying.
2007-10-25 03:25:12 · update #2
Well darlin Barbara, I would suggest one thing to you-being that you are the only person on Y! answers who has been able to get under my skin-and that is read all of what I say!
I did NOT throw a fit, I was simply saying how I do not agree with what she was saying in that particular question! If you read the details I added before this addition, I said that I would (and already HAVE invited) CLOSE friends of the family-but do not feel that we need to invite everyone.
Im sorry you are so bitter about something-but whatever it is-there is no need to insult ANYONE on this board for anything. Disagreements are one thing, but but your plain ignorance is disrespectful!!!
2007-10-25 03:42:52 · update #3
Mrs Manners is wealthy and does not understand a budget .
I guess I have bad manners LOL. Alot of people are not going to understand your finical situation. I personally was on a tight budget so I understand more than anyone. Your mother I m sure understands she loves you and wants the best for you and your Hubby to be. Certain people are not going to understand it either. Share it with your closest friend and family and have a wonderful day.
2007-10-25 04:38:06 · answer #1 · answered by Hugs from Sugar bug 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well she's right on one point. Is the wedding day about you and your new husband? OF COURSE! But that doesn't mean you are the only one who has been looking forward to it or having a big event marked in their lives.
For parent's it's especially true. They've been dreaming of seeing their little girl/boy happy and settled for ages...probably even back when you still thought boys had cooties. And yeah, you need to consider how important that person is to your mom. Are you going to cause a huge rift and damage a relationship with her for a long time....or are you going to put up with having an extra table for a few hours.
Mrs. Manners fails when she assumes that the budget allows for all of these people. Weddings are E-X-P-E-N-S-I-V-E! Of course I would love to invite the entire block if that's what was important to my parents and other select VIP's but that doesn't mean I can afford to. She also forgot to find out if the mother was paying for the wedding. If it's the mother's money she can spend it however she damn well pleases and attach all the strings that she wants. If you don't like the strings don't take the cash.
2007-10-25 05:45:44 · answer #2 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can see both sides. I definitely see your point about not wanting to invite people you're not close to - especially if you have to pay for them. I moved away from my hometown when I graduated high school - 12 years ago. My mom still lives there, and many of her friends from work or church have been asking her for invitations to my wedding. I really don't want to pay almost $60 per person for folks I haven't seen for over 10 years. However, we found some middle ground. I am inviting 4-5 close friends of my mom and (late) dad. I know that none of my aunts or uncles or cousins will come (live far away and can't afford to travel), and I want my mom to have a good time at the wedding. I think she will enjoy it much more if she has at least a few friends there.
Can you do something similar? Maybe invite just a few of your parents' friends? I'm sure you mom is just proud of you and wants to show you off. :-)
EDIT: I should mention that I am inviting said aunts, uncles, and cousins - I will just be *extremely* susprised if any of them show up. There are no hard feelings, I'm just not close to any of them and haven't seen or heard from them in about 5 years. But - they're welcome to attend if they want to.
2007-10-25 04:56:12 · answer #3 · answered by SE 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know what you're saying. My mother drove me nuts during the wedding planning by inviting people by word of mouth. She literally went down her church directory and invited people without telling me about it! None of these people got invitations from me. I wanted a small intimate wedding with people who contributed something positive in my life. It's not that I was being selfish what I discussed with my mother was she could invite her best friends. Not 60+ random people she was acquainted with. She was most concerned about avoiding making her coworkers upset and having a large reception (she felt that a small wedding would be embarrassing).
Advice is always individualized to the situation and people involved. My mom became monster of the bride. It really depends....
2007-10-25 05:13:36 · answer #4 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am very familiar with Miss Manners' advice on wedding etiquette and the notion that the the MOB is in total control of the entire guest list is news to me. I'd like to read exactly what it was Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners) wrote, both question and response. I'd be be extremely grateful if you'd tell me where to find this. Could it be that Miss Manners has laid an egg?
2007-10-25 12:26:42 · answer #5 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It really sounds like something is missing in this particular Miss Manners response.
She has failed to take into account, who is paying the bills, is there any limit on the # of guests that can be accomodated at the venue, is it a destination wedding,etc.
Would it be nice to allow the Mom to invite some people - absolutely! Can they be accomodated - we don't know. Can the person(s) paying for the wedding afford to include these extra people - we don't know.
2007-10-25 03:45:58 · answer #6 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Her advise makes sense to me, sorry to say. Yes, in the ideal world, you can talk to your mother and she will understand and be supportive of whatever decision you are going to make regarding your wedding. But we don't live in an ideal world, and Ms. Manners' advice is geared towards the REAL world in which all of us are stuck. We always have to balance our own happiness and comfort with the happiness and comfort of people around us. The question is not whether the mother should back off and not invite her friends and relatives; the question is, when the mother DOES insist on inviting the relatives, what is the wisest and the right thing to do? I agree with Ms. Manners that how your mother feels should heavily factor into your decision, even if you think she's wrong.
2007-10-25 05:21:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
I think most of what she has to say *is* crap. There's no way I would invite my step-mother's friends to my wedding. No matter who's paying for the wedding (which in my case my fiance and I are), I don't know those people. I want to share my wedding with those who are special to me...my parents don't know all of my friends, so do they have the authority to say I can't invite them? Heck no!
Ms. Stuck-in-the-dark-ages-Manners is one of those people who just frankly p**s me off. She needs to keep her outdated opinions to herself before she starts brainwashing a new generation.
2007-10-25 07:35:52 · answer #8 · answered by Natty 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
These letters to Miss Manners are edited, and perhaps important stuff was left out, like maybe the bride's mom is paying for the whole shebang.
But I too do not buy into the belief that a wedding is solely about the couple, and everyone else has to bend over.
Still, I can see not wanting to invite relatives you rarely see and aren't close with, especially if budgeting is a concern.
Miss Manners in general is on target.
2007-10-25 04:03:54 · answer #9 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Haha! She is kinda old fashion. Weddings cost to much to be inviting people you don't know. is there going be space for these people to sit? Or are they gonna be taking up the space for those u love and care for dearly. Then u have to pay for them to eat. And they neva did a damn thing for u! I wouldn't do it! If u wanna invite somebody I don't know make sure those I invited sit down in front and first. and they are not invited to my reception. I feel u 100% and don't let others stupid comments get to u!
2007-10-25 03:54:39 · answer #10 · answered by Miss. K 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋