single parents... how do you make it?

Question

for all of you who have 100% guardianship for your child(ren)... no shared time or responsibilities with the other parent...

how do you survive and make it through?

i'm a single mom of a 2 yr old girl... my husband left me when i got pregnant w/ her, and he left the state. we haven't talked since. the divorce was a mess b/c he never had any contact w/ me, so i didn't know where he went, etc. needless to say, he has never seen her, heard her, or sent anything to help out, not even a letter or email asking how she is. nothing. i'm making it through the best i know how, but being a true single parent is tough. i just wanted to know your experiences and just hear personal stories... :)

i also have learned how to stretch a dollar- in the literal sense for sure:) you learn how to be creative and make the most out of every second. losing the freedom to go to the grocery store at night when you need something, or anywhere for anything at anytime, was a big adjustment for sure. i obviously work full time, and i'm going to school at night to get a degree, and a better job in the future. so, i don't get to see my daughter nearly as much as i want. and when i do, it's making sure dinner is ready, and she's bathed, and in bed on time, etc. i wish i could just not do anything when we are home together, but the dishes, laundry, and homework can't be forgotten, you know! it's a crazy life, but my daughter is my all, and she's worth every sacrifice- even not having friends or a "normal" life.

geez.. i don't mean to keep adding to this! but, i agree that it is very frustrating to hear how a 2-parent household struggles. i'm like, you have no idea! and they really don't.... but, it's definitely rewarding to know you're responsible for everything they do and learn. it definitely makes you proud!

Answer 1

one minute at a time some days...BUT...I've figured out how to call upon my friends (learning how and when to ask for help is one of the very important things a single parent has to learn)...

I make my child my number one priority- if he's happy, then I am happy...I don't have much of a social life, but I have friends with children and we get together every week, with our kids having a slumber party and we get adult time (granted, it isn't a club- but its cheap (free) )....I didn't date for YEARS ...and when I did start dating it was a very slooooow process...it isn't about the man of my dreams anymore...its about the man who will always have my son's best interest in mind...

I've learned how to fix a meal that costs only $2 to make...I've figured out how to make $25 last a whole week...I learned to love shopping at thrift stores...I've learned that a trip to the park can be made as fun as a trip to the carnival- you just have to be creative.

A lot of deep breathing...surround yourself with supportive people, work as hard as you can...it gets easier.

Answer 2

I work for family, so time off if needed is a little more lenient, and they understand if the sitter needs to get off a little early at the end of the day. I have a wonderful regular full time sitter my daughter goes to when I work, and for other times when I need to go do something and can't take my daughter, my parents live close by and have no problem watching her. The benefit of being a single parent is not having anyone to argue with about how to raise the child(ren). What I say goes, and that's that. I guess I'm a little spoiled in that way. It's hard not being able to spend a little more time with my daughter, but I've got the pride that comes with supporting the two of us all on my own. She has what she needs, and I'm the one who provides that. (Well, what her doting grandparents don't get her, anyway! LOL) I have no supreme plan for the future, I just take it as it comes.

Answer 3

properly, technically we're not married, yet we are in a 2-parent kin. definitely i haven't observed plenty that a new child is from a 2-parent or single-parent kin. What i've got observed that if the daddy is lively interior the new child's life they look happier. There are 2 little females in my daughter's day care classification who consistently cry and could no longer play plenty and (jointly as I shouldn't comprehend this approximately them) one has a father who in simple terms went to reformatory, and the different's father works faraway from homestead. the guy who's father works faraway from homestead would not provide any funds to his spouse or 2 infants (they have been residing in a van until eventually the day care asked for donations anonymously and gave them adequate funds to go right into a low-earnings homestead). So, jointly as some teenagers come from residences the place the dad and mom are married it would not inevitably recommend they are to any extent further constructive adjusted. My boyfriend and that i are not married. we are elevating 2 females (his 6 year previous lives with us comprehensive time), and are watching for yet another. we've solid parenting ideals and we are the two very lively in our new child's lives. I volunteer at our 6 year previous's college and our 4 month previous's day care when I even have time. He makes useful to make certain to them each night and we consume as a kin each night. Even a single parent may well be useful you do issues "kin orientated." So i do no longer think of there is loads of a distinction. I stay interior the Southwest U.S.

Answer 4

I had 2 special needs children when I booted my fiance out. He has been good about the child support though. Suggestions:
1. Make cleaning up a game for your daughter. Have her help sort clothes into colors and whites, then darks and lights. (helps her learn too), when cooking ask her to get things like eggs or a spoon or have her stir something. If a mess is made, so what.
2. check into getting food stamps....its not for the out of work people, I was on it for a while, I figured it was my tax dollars that fund it so I was getting my money back.
3. Make one day out of the week a special day for both of you, a girls day out or in.
4. Check into the stores that recycle kids clothes, as well as Good Will, and garage sales. Those are great budget savers. Check our Freecycle.org, they may have a branch in your community.
5. Make time for yourself, even if its a bath at midnight and a good book.
Most important, find the papers on your ex and get his butt to pay child support. If you have old tax records with his social on it, it is a start and then take that down to the county attorney and file child support against him.
Finally, take it day by day. That's how I did it for over a decade, now I have a great husband and my kids are in middle school and both in Beta Club. You can do it, never doubt that. Take it day by day.

Answer 5

Hey, I feel for you since I'm a single dad with full custody of my 6 year old for nearly 6 years now and no lousy ex(thank god). You're doing everything you can, which I commend you for, but you're overloading and let me tell ya a few things that may help you about the present and future.

You need to devote 10 to 20% personal time along with prayer which will greatly help you find a good Christian man and don't take it so slowwwwwwwwwww while getting to know him. A good man can appreciate your wanting to make sure for the kid(s) but if you don't allow him to see what your life is like full-time so he knows if it's good for his family too then he won't stop another woman who comes in and snatches him up AND don't say that lame "then it wasn't meant to be". I've seen so many women who claim that or the "until it's serious then no knowing the kids" that we know it means we're just a benefit. You make your life what it is, nobody else will and GOD will not stop him and that new woman from being happy together. Remember, "Go forth from your parents and make your own family".

Someday, you're going to need money for this or that, want to retire, or your body, mind will give out and the money (80% chance) won't be there alongside being alone and depressed. Getting a degree is good but wrong timing since hurting your precious bonding years that you'll never get back along with sacrificing finding you're mate. I know, you need more money, but a good man will FAR outdo any job. The older you get, the harder dating is and with the older our kids get needing more from us, well, you get the hint! A good man would rather step into an immediate family with young ones than with teenagers cause most often those teenagers have more problems than normal or just bad problems that most men don't care to step into plus the longer it takes for a single mom to have a healthy relationship means the more men she has had.

Good Christian men love helping single moms with their kids, seeing them grow, learn, and appreciate what life has to offer, while he hopes to be her husband, dad, and having more kids. It's our dream to financially support our family while seeing our kids grow up into good young adults then having a healthy romantic retirement with our wives while spoiling our grandkids. In the meantime, keep doing everything you have been doing, pray, and a good man will snatch you up.

ME...I work 7am to 5:30, include my son in everything I do then go out twice a week for a few hours each time, and get involved in the community so all know I'm true and looking for a good woman. My life speaks for me and I don't hestitate to show women our life. It greatly enhances our chances of finding my mate and for my son to be a sociable, friendly, and well mannered boy with lots of friends for his growing up and future.

Answer 6

u have no choice, u have to, ur it n thats that.
my ex doesn't pay any maintaince for our 2 so i struggle a little with that, but otherwise, i find it completley rewarding, like i taught them how to ride a bike n i taught them the alphbet, and how read & swim, i take them fishing and on holidays to theme parks, not any one else just me, i get all the credit for everything my kids do. at times i wish there was some one around to help out n maybe cook dinner for a change, but i do enjoy doin it all. it does get easier as the kids get older they are more willin to help u out n do chores from an earlier age, my kids are 4 n 5, they clean their own room, they take out their own washing, they get their clothes n things ready for school, they unpacked the dishwasher, they put the dishes in the sink, & bring the washing in, i don't ask them to they just do it. which is awesome n they really want to get in n learn how to cook now but they do enuff as it is and i said i'll start teachin them when their 10 but for now be kids.
just like any parent we have good days n then we have days where we want to go hide in a cupboard! haha!!
i always amuses me how 2 parent familys struggle n ***** about how hard it is for them to raise kids an blar blar..
an i just say try it solo, then u might have sumthing to ***** about! usually wipes the smirk off their face quick smart!

Answer 7

Contact Jessie's centre for teens - they have free meals, free clothing, social activities, school, etc... - all free

Call 211 for Jessie's info / phone number, as well as any other help you may need.