Pregnant for irresponsible father?

Question

I am 7 mths pregnant for a irresponsible and selfish man. No, this is not how he was prior to conception. I have not gotten one dime or emotional support from him since I've been pregnant. He gave me $200 two weeks ago, and told me to take $70 out of it to pick up his clothes from the cleaners. Which i did not do, he became upset, asked for the money back, which I did not give him. He left me a voicemail stating that if I didn't give him his money back he is officially done with me. Which is a relief because I realized that this man is not for me and plan to raise my child on my own.
He has not spoken to me since then, and doesn't have the decency to call me or my family to check on the baby.
I really want to write him a brief and to the point letter about his childish behavior, just to get my point across. I don't want him showing up after the baby is here, like everything is ok. I also want to make it clear about child support, should I write this letter and CC his mother? Thnx

Thank you all for the sound advice.
And to Italy who called me lazy..I NEVER said I wasn't working, if you read the details of my question, you will see where I stated that he has not given me a dime, and has not offered any emotional support. It is not about money here.

Just to be clear, me and this man were together for 4 yrs. And engaged to be married in July 07. It never happened. I backed out at the last minute. I just didn't think things would turn out this way, we live in separate homes, he actually lives 5 mins away, but we don't speak to one another. I am close to his family though.

Answer 1

tell his mum what hes up to and sort ur life out. 4gt him hes irresponisble selfish and plain old out of his head. he will intend to come back in 2 mnths when the baby is born. bt before that make ur self happy. u dnt need such support. u cn bring up ur child urself. if other woman can do it so can u. its time to think about ur self and the baby nt this broken relationship.

Answer 2

First, I want to say Congrats!!! This is a blessing from God. Babies are angels, and never let people tell you that this is a mistake. The thing with most people is that they get pregnant and they are not MAN or WOMAN enough to take care of their responsibility. As for the father, he owe's you for the rest if his life. Don't call, you will soon find out that you don't need him to raise your child and he will soon find out that he's missing out on something very precious. He will take one look at that child and fall completely in love. So, just leave him alone, dont write a letter. Put him on child support and allow him to receive the court papers on the mail, which would be a complete surprise to him. I know that it's hard. Going through this is going to require a lot of mental growth on your behalf and being a good mother will require you to focus on your child and yourself along with your future.

Answer 3

See Social Services and let them take care of child support. I deal with a selfish father also, but I was married to him for 6 years. You'll be just fine, but he has responsibilities as a sperm donor. I wouldn't waist my time and effort with a letter. I did the same thing at one point in time and it didn't yeild a thing other than the satifaction that I had tried. Basically the only two important people now are you and your child and you need to look out for your best interests. Might I also suggest a upromise account. (www.upromise.com) Eventually you can set up a 529 for your child's college fund... but this program is basically free money for items your going to be buying anyway.

Answer 4

I can understand your frustration but there are two things you have to remember before you write this letter:
1. Your child has a right to have a relationship with his/her father and you can't get in the way of that because of the way that he has treated you. It's about the child now and not about you or him; and
2. If you are not married to the man (which I assume you are not based on the facts given), you don't need to write a letter for child support, you need to arrange to have a paternity test done immediately after the birth of your child and file paperwork with the courts. You don't have to tell him about child support, you need to work within the confines of the system and let the system remind him of his obligations. He may try to avoid the test and you want to be ready so that your child doesn't suffer while he's dodging the situation. Your child deserves his financial support even if you don't personally want it. Put it in a trust for his/her future education if you want to do this on your own.

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this while you're pregnant. This much stress can't be good for either you or your baby. Just put it out of your mind and don't worry. You have to think of your health and the health of your baby right now and that's quite enough to have on your plate for the moment.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

This guy is a jerk. Writing him letter about your feelings will do nothing. He's known for 7 months that you are pregnant with his child. What you CAN do is send him a letter about how you expect him to pay child support no questions asked! Let him know that you are willing to let this child know his father but this has nothing to do with the relationship that you have with him. Keep it simple and to the point, DO NOT let your emotions come to play here. When the child is born, he does have the right to know him and have the chance to spend time with him. Don't mess things up by telling him that he can't be the dad. Some men change and want to be a large part of their child's life and it is up to them and good for the child. Don't let your feelings for your child's father ruin anything. You don't want to go through a custody battle! If he doesn't want to take care of his son, then fine so be it. You already were aware that he was good for nothing. Your main concern now is to take care of you beautiful new baby!

Take care and be strong!

Answer 6

I think you would be wasting your time, but it may make you feel better to do it, so knock yourself out. I'd make sure you put him on the birth certificate as the father and ask the Court for child support - he is legally responsible for this child whether he wants to be a man right now or not. I think you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and know that his behavior is not good for you or your unborn baby right now. Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 7

Wow....ok i feel maybe you can hyphenate it that way once your child grows up, if they had no connection to their father they can drop it and ur name will be there and known. If those other girls take his last name for their children do you want ur child to share that last name as well? Wow this is tough. U know deep down what type of guy he is and with 3 other baby mamas how is he going to be around for your kid unless he mans up overnight and gets a banging high paying job. For him to do what he did he wasn't thinking and sure was not caring. It's sad but for real i think you should give your child your last name in case the father phases himself out. Don't mess with him anymore either. but definitely put him on the birth certificate and get child support....make him accountable as well.

Answer 8

Document all records of expenses that you incur on behalf of the child, what you each have paid for, etc. Keep receipts on file. Also document his voice mails, notes, emails, etc, that show his attitude towards you and the child. Then contact your local government agency; the father should be made to pay child support.

Your case is weakened by all the bickering you do with him. I would not contact this man or his mother as that would give him advance warning and an opportunity to prepare some sort of defense to combat you. Allow the attorney that you are assigned to do this for you and have the advantage of the element of surprise.

Answer 9

DO NOT get in contact with him in any way! You don't need this stress while pregnant. Go to court to have him take a paternity test after the baby is born and then go for child support. Don't let him threaten you with he is going to take the child away from you. No Judge will let that happen unless you are a junkie or something. Good luck...

Answer 10

This is a very tricky situation. You need to consider all of the reactions you will get in regards to your actions. You really need to speak with a lawyer on this. Non of what you say or do without legal documents can be upheld. If you want child support, make it legal. If you only want him to have certain rights... make it legal. Bickering with him and his family will get you no where. It will only serve to cause you and your baby more stress than is needed.