How did your first child react to a new baby?

Question

We are having a new baby and my son is pretty excited [from what I gather] about it already. He'll be two in February and the new baby is due in May.

He's in a few playgroups with younger children and already understands the idea of 'gentle' and 'please share.' I always try to make him feel special by telling him since he's older he gets to show all the younger kids how to behave, share, and play with the cool toys. I try to make it as much about HIM as possible. He's really good around the younger kids.

I'm also getting him pumped about the new baby by telling him about his new big bed. [He's in a convertible crib that's now a toddler bed.] I'll tell him about teaching the new baby all the cool things he already knows how to do. He’s my ‘big helper’ and always will be. He’s very independent for his age.

So, how did you prepare your first for the new baby? How did your first child react? What else can I be doing to make sure he is comfortable with it?

Thanks!!

The reason why I'm so concerned is when my son was born we had my cousin in our care full time. He didn't react well to my son's birth. There was a lot of jealousy which I think other people sort-of egged on. After about six months he still had jealousy issues but started liking my son a bit more. He was four at the time. I don't want my son to go through that.

My husband was the oldest and really adored his younger sister. I was the youngest and my sister adored me. Well, most of the time she just ignored me. Haha. I want to make sure that kind of experience happens here and my son doesn't feel left out.

Answer 1

My son was 2 yrs. and 4 months old when my second son was born. He understood that there was a new baby coming. While I was pregnant, my son would kiss my belly and talk to the baby. We also let him help pick out a name. (We picked a name that was easy for my oldest to pronounce).

After the baby was born, the baby gave his new big brother a present. Every morning for several months my oldest couldn't wait for his brother to wake up. He would run into his bedroom and kiss the baby. He adored him. We also didn't jump as soon as the baby cried. I would quickly finish what I was doing with my son and then I would go get the baby. Most of the time my oldest would say, "Mommy, please go get MY baby. He is crying." I also involved my oldest in everything because he wanted to help. He would get a diaper when the baby needed changing. When I nursed, my oldest would get his Shrek stuffed animal and "nurse" him right next to me. (I took pictures. I am waiting to pull those out on his first date. )

Now they are 2 and 4. They have a love-hate relationship. LOL

Answer 2

I think how the child reacts all depends on the temperment of the child to begin with. My daughter was born four years after my son. While I was pregnant we talked about the baby, tried to involve him with as many aspects of the baby as possible. After she was born, he came to the hospital and he just looked at her. He didn't want to touch her at all. Definitely no kisses. It took him about a week before he would actually give her a kiss on the forehead. He was really good with her though, no real problems.

Now when my third child was born, my daughter had some issues. She was four, and at first was sooo excited that we were going to have a baby--until she found out i was a boy. She was very upset. When we brought him home, she was like a little mother hen, trying to help out as much as possible. But then she started to regress and started acting like a baby, and telling me that I loved the baby more than I loved her, etc. I would have to take the baby with me everywhere, because if I left them alone, she would try to pick him up or squish him. She was my challenge. I had to constantly watch her and assure her that even though I needed to help the baby a bit more--I loved her no matter what and that I needed her help as a big sister. She's 6 1/2 now and we have another addition as well, so she is still a bit needy at times, but she does great with her two little brothers

Answer 3

My daughter was 2.5 when my son was born and she was so good with him, even during the pregnancy she would always want to feel the "tummy house" and see if she could feel her brother moving. we explained things as best we could to a 2yo. All was well about coming home except she disliked me, lol. Would do anything her father asked but ingored me and chose to stay away. It wasn't until my partner went back to work, that she got better with me, I was devastated. Took a while to earn her trust back, now she is still daddy's girl but is a bit better behaved with me, I guess she blamed me for being shoved out, even though it didn't actually happen, she felt it did.
You can only do so much, you are a parent, not perfect. Keep getting him used to the big helper idea, and even get him a present to give him at the hospital from the new baby, that can help a little. If you feel comfortable and the hospital offers it, leave the baby with the midwives and go to lunch with your husband and your son before you go home altogether.
Two yr olds adjust a bit better than 4yo, plus if it was a cousin before they may have felt replaced by your biological child (kids minds work differently from ours), most kids hate being pushed out of a good thing.
It sounds like you are doing an excellent job, you sound like a very loving and caring mum. Take time and he will adjust really well and love his brother or sister.
Good luck (you wont need it though)

Answer 4

my 1st bub was 11 months when her sister was born, i never really had any troubles with her as she was so young n didn't really know what was going on herself, plus she'd just learnt to how to walk so she pretty self absorb as any toddler is that has just learnt. i did buy a baby doll for her, an gave it to her when she came in to hospital just after her sister was born, n told her that this was her baby. the only hassle i had then was when her sister was asleep or having a kick of her back on a blanket and would find a toy n hit her in the head with it, wasn't intentional, just curiousity. i always made sure i gave all my attention after i was done feeding her sister n put her back to bed. but now their 4 n 5, years ago they toilet trained each other, they both gave up bottles at the same time, they learnt how to ride bikes at the same time and play dress ups with each other and they also fight most of the time, but can't stand to be away from each other. i found that 2 close 2gether specially single was a lot of hard work, but on the other hand my eldest doesn't have 1st child syndrome where the world revovled around her for years n she's a spoilt brat, as far back as she can remember her sister has always been then n she's always had to share everything all the time, i find i have less hassles with my 2 then my friends kids who have left a bigger age gap.

Answer 5

My first was great, my second was great, now that I'm pregnant with #4, I'm a little nervous that my son (the only boy) is gonna be super jealous of his new sister. I'll be 29 weeks tomorrow, and he is 3 years old. I talk to him every day about his baby sister. We talk about what the baby will be like, what he is gonna be responsible for (like getting a diaper when I need one), whats gonna happen when his sister is born (he thinks she presses a button when shes ready, although I'm not sure where he got that idea). As long as you talk to your son, theres not much else you can do but include him in picking a name, have him buy a present for the baby, and help shop for some of the things you will need when its close to time. Good Luck and Congrats.

Answer 6

Hi, I haven't gotten to that point yet but thought I'd answer the part about what I'm doing to prepare him. I have a son who will be 3 in February and his baby brother is, also, due in February.

I find myself wondering if I'm going a little overboard w/ preparing him (like, if the worst imaginable thing were to happen and his baby brother didn't make it here afterall) but my friends keep reassuring me I'm doing the right thing.

-I, too, try to make it all about him and go on and on about what a great big brother and "helper" he is going to be.
-I've been taking pictures of him, as a newborn, and showing them to him.
-I remind him how boring the baby will be (to him) at first and that all he will do is sleep, cry, and eat for a while (don't want to expect him to play baseball with him right away, lol).
-I show him pictures of babies a LOT and plan on setting up the nursery in a couple of weeks (still trying to decide on the theme). He's sleeping in a toddler bed but but we are buying him a new big boy bed this weekend and are going to decorate his room in the theme of his choice.
-Last night he wanted to put on some shoes that no longer fit and we talked about letting baby Connor (new baby's name) wear them when he gets big enough & about sharing his toys.

That's all I can think of but there's a lot more, my mind just went blank. If I think of more, I'll add it later, lol.

Good luck!! You sound like you're doing all of the right things!!!

Answer 7

include him in everything u do with the baby ... take him with u to ur apt. and when u go take ur ultra sound... have him help around the house (like help with getting things set up, ect.) to make him still feel important and also when the baby is born make sure that he is able to help u as well so he doesnt feel left out... what i did when my son was born, was me and my hubby bought her alittle stuffed animal, sayin that her new brother brought it for just her... it made her feel happy and important....also when we got home she helped with feeding and also wanted to be next to us....the most important thing is to always make sure that he feels included in everything that u do with the baby....and also make sure that when the baby is sleepin, make sure that u use that time for just u and him.....he will still need alot of attention to reassure him that he is still important.....congrats and good luck