Following advice I have received on here, I asked my boyfriend why he wasn't interested in proposing to me yet. I have been excited about him asking me for over a year so i'm getting pretty restless. The answer he gave me was so typical and i'm devastated. He claims he will propose 'some day', and couldn't understand that I was so upset 'just because' he didn't want to propose to me yet. how does this sound to you, because I'm feeling that after this long, marriage isn't part of his plans.
2007-10-25 00:22:41 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You could be answering your own question there.
2007-10-25 00:26:54 · answer #1 · answered by Christina A 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I cannot believe that some of the most logical, honest advice here is being rated with a thumbs down. Cest la vie.
Sweetie, three years is a fair amount of time to want to be proposed to. But ask yourself this: Are you ready for the big, special wedding day or are you ready for the marriage? Marriage is a huge step and not one to be taken lightly. Things change when you say "I do". Life changes, responsibilities change, needs change, finances change. What you think is so simple and miniscule changes instantly when you two become a legal two-some.
I waited 6 and a half years for my husband to marry me. The first three of those were rocky, busy, and just not the right time for us. The two after that we were in separate states. It's only been in the last year where we've really settled and gotten our lives together enough to make a full commitment.
Trust me, getting married is not all rainbows and sunshine. It's hard work as an individual and as a pair. If your boyfriend is not ready for marriage, do not push him into it...period. Instead, sit down and COMMUNICATE. That is vital in a marriage. If you cannot communicate openly how you feel now, you will not last as a married couple.
Find out what he wants and needs, not yours alone. Work together to find a compromise. If marriage is something so important to you that you can't wait, find someone new. The only downside to this is that you could still be waiting another 3-5 years or more for Mr. Right. Decide as a couple what you both want and work from there.
Patience is a virtue my dear. Learn it and you can find happiness.
2007-10-25 04:26:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Some questions to answer:
-How old are both of you?
-Are you still in school?
-Do you have stable jobs and sucessful careers?
For men, feeling ready to get married implies a complex process that has to do mainly with finances and the ability to start the family. Unlike women, that are ready to be a wife and trained by an early age. Men have traditionally have the social responsability to bring home the bacon and if they are unable to, then they will NOT propose.
Also, a man that is still on the dating scene, partying stage of life, will not want to give that up just yet. When a man "rather be at home" then the turkey is cooked and ready, but not before.
Proposing has nothing to do with how long have you been together, but rather one's readiness to do so. He's not ready and that doesn't make him a bad person so now it's up to you to make the desision on where or not you are willing to wait longer than 3 years for him.
My advice: Be honest with him and set a plan. Ask him how far in the future he sees the posibility of marriage happen. Hear what he says and see if you are willing to wait on a reasonable time table or bail out. 'Someday" is an intangible answer and is not fair to you for him to keep on leading you on. Tell him straight up that you need to know where your relationship stands so you can make a desicion on wherther or not continue to invest your heart and time on a relationship that seems not be going anywhere.
Good luck
2007-10-25 03:25:50 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have in common with my BUDDY. He pressured me to marry him even if he has no work yet & don't do anything else at home. I told him my reasons why I'm not rushing into getting married with him. It doesn't mean that I don't love him. Of course I love him so much & I care him a lot (just counting all the favors I'm giving him) even if I get nothing from him. Some of the reasons why I don't want to marry yet are: Am I really prepared to get married? Would I be able to feed, educate & give shelter to my children? Would my children feel happy of having me as their mother? Could we get along together after our marriage? Do he really want me to marry him just for the sake that he could get visa to get out from his country? etc. etc. etc. Though I love him, but still I have doubts in my mind. We are 3yrs in distant relationship. And I'll tell you, the more he pressured me a year ago, I felt of distancing from him. Because, how could a guy pressured a woman if he in fact has no job and instead would only depend on me after our marriage?
*So if I were you, I will not pressure him. Wait until he will propose you. If you cannot wait, then it's the time to tell him the truth that you are leaving if he won't marry you. Everybody has it's own reason of not getting married soon. Either way, he is comfortable for the time being of the kind of relation he has with you.
2007-10-25 01:19:29 · answer #4 · answered by ~o0o~ 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You're right on target. At one point my fiance and I had a discussion about him proposing. We'd talked about getting married and at one point I asked if he would propose but I didn't want him to feel pressured (leaving out details here but that's the general idea). He said he understood why I felt the way I did because we both want to get married. He said he wanted to ask my dad permission first. He did and a week ago we got engaged. That's just my experience. It sounds like your boyfriend isn't thinking of marriage now because he basically said he'll get around to it. One thing to help you with this answer is that he wasn't understanding of why you want him to propose. You already know the answer to this one. This guy doesn't want to get married and it'll probably fizzle out before you hear wedding bells. Right now you want two different things. You're no longer on the same page. It sounds like it's just time to move on. He wants something that you don't and this isn't a little something either. It's very important to you but it doesn't matter to him.
2007-10-25 00:36:35 · answer #5 · answered by Rockit 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, you should have proposed to him. It's so stupid that women are still sitting around like dumb donkeys waiting for men to propose. What because of pressure? HA! As if an expensive diamond ring, a wedding and marriage isn't pressure for women. Give me a break.
Anyways, you may as well have proposed to him and the answer is no. He's saying he's putting it off because you're silly enough to wait for a proposal like a good and proper dumb donkey. Walk away. You want marriage and he doesn't therefore he is not the right man for you.
2007-10-25 01:27:00 · answer #6 · answered by some female 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you answered his own question. If he won't give you a valid reason why he doesn't want to propose: ie - not ready financially, want to get a better job first, whatever - then he probably won't propose anytime soon. He may just see you as the girlfriend who sticks around no matter what. You may want to reconsider being in this relationship if marriage is what you really want. The last thing you want is a boyfriend with no drive....forever. Good luck.
2007-10-25 00:49:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I was with my boyfriend for 4 years and now we have married. He NEVER wanted to get married. I had show him that if he were to get married: I would be that girl. SO, with that in mind, please please please read the book "Why Men marry Bitches." Its very good and really helped my relationship. It not only gives you an idea on why men would or would not marry but what to do with that man in your life.
If I were you:
I would tell him that you want to move farther along in the relationship, then suggest the removal of yourself from the relationship. MARRIAGE never comes up. You dont give him altimatium, you dont threaten, belittle, get angry, dont cry, just calmly tell him that you want something more. Then for the next few weeks be sparse to him. Dont answer his calls as often. Always come up with something else that you're doing when he calls you to hang out. Be courteous and nice. This will get his goat rumbling and within 1-6 months he will come around. If you break up, then OH-WELL you would have ended up with the same situation and therefore you lost nothing. Remember that, you lost NOTHING. 10 years from now you would still be in the same place. If he really does love you, he will realize it and come after you. Men fall in love in a womans absence, woman fall in love in a mans presence.
2007-10-25 06:39:13 · answer #8 · answered by enriquelomasa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you love him? Cause if you do you wouldnt be pushing him. When he is ready he is ready. Just be sure that you are on the same page as far as marriage goes, and then drop it.
I love my man so much i waited for 10 years, until i recieved a proposal. However we did meet when i was 17 and he was 21 so we were young. But there is no need to rush anything. If you are ready to be with him forever, then you can wait for him to ask.
I cant understand why people rush...... I wouldnt change a thing.
2007-10-25 01:14:34 · answer #9 · answered by Gotta luv it! 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
For me I would say cut your losses and run. I'm sorry but it seems pretty clear he's happy with the way things are and has no plans to change things. Tell him out right that you are ready to move on with your life and that you would love that to include him, but that if he doesn't know by now that you are the one you can't spend the rest of your life waiting around and hoping he will realize it.
2007-10-25 03:37:11 · answer #10 · answered by L H 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not worth your trouble, unless you want to stay dating or shacking up with him forever.
If you want marriage, and he doesn't, then the two of you just don't want the same thing. It doesn't mean you don't love each other, you just aren't suited.
Usually after two years, three max, of serious dating - a couple knows if they want to make the commitment of marriage or not.
Three years is a long time... you have to decide if you like being kept in a 'holding pattern', or if you have enough respect for yourself, and confidence, to move on. Best advice from me - don't settle.
Good luck.
2007-10-25 02:01:15 · answer #11 · answered by Lydia 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋