Too scared to trust family friend's dad now..HELP !?

Question

well im 15 and my family know's this family, we're very close, almost as close as we are to our normal relatives. Well one day we decided to go to a holiday resort together. Our family friend's daughter is my friend. She is about my age. One night we all went to sleep, all the kids in one room [me, my friend, my brother, my sister]. My friend is very close to her dad aka she's a daddy's girl anyway she's used to him patting her to sleep [normaly on the foot] and so he did that to me as well so that i'd go to sleep. He patted both of us but after 30 minutes he was only patting me, after awhile instead of just patting my foot he went a bit higher up my foot, and he went up to my thighs and started to feel them, he thought i was asleep, his wife came in and he quickly slipped his arm out from my thighs and said he was only putting us to sleep. I think he was a little bit drunk as well, he had drunk some beer with my dad earlier. Normally he is very nice but now im scared, what do i do?

Normally my friend's dad is SO nice, he helps me with some of my homework, he's very nice. It was only that one night he did that. Im scared coz now everytime he touches me just to pat me on the back or something i get so freaked out, i dont want to tell my parents either because our family is like SO effing close to their family and we've always been here for eachother, wouldnt want to break that up.
It was only once but im still VERY scared, now days when i go over, he pats me on the foot when me and my friend go to sleep, he doesn't feel me, but im STILL SCARED. Do you think i should just let it be a one timer? i dont think he'll ever do it again but im still scared. I need advice !

i want mainly girls opinions on this since im a girl and they would understand more than guys. If your a guy who's just gonna say ****, dont even bother but if your conisderate then thanks.

i WAS awake but i think that your right about him being in his own world [if that makes sense], like he didnt notice that he might be caught, i SWEAR if he did go any furthur i wouldve brought him back to reality by saying 'what the hell are you doing? Dont you realise that im still awake?
It's been over a year and he hasnt done anything of the sort, but then again, i can never be to sure. I still feel weird even if he gives me a friendly pat on the shoulder.
Thanks so much for your replies =]

but dont you think that it is a possibility that it was the beer that made him like this?

because he is a lawyer and once in the car with me, my friend and her bro. He was telling us that molesters are DISGUSTING, dont trust people like that.

i have a feeling that the alcohol influenced him because normally he gives us advice and is very nice.

Don't you think he might've been influenced by alcohol?

by the way, i was trying to make him realise that i was awake by coughing and sneezing and moving around but he didnt notice, i really think it was the alcohol that influenced him?
i dont know, im just confused right now =S

i also told him that i never fall asleep if someone pats me
and he said......ok then
but he might forget what i told him

i dont want to tell my friend either coz it might offend her or it might change her relationship with her father, she is a bit closer to her father than her mother, sorry about putting up so many details people and i really thank all of you for your answers =]

lol
hey 'joy55js'
the mum was only checking on the dad coz she was waiting for him to come to sleep
and no he isnt molestering his daughter, you can tell that he is a very good man.

I highly think it was becuase of the alcohol.

thanx for your answers everyone.

Answer 1

You need to talk to you parents about what happened. Or another trusted adult.
No matter how close your parents are to this couple I'm sure they will put your needs before anything else.
Good luck to you.

Answer 2

You can chalk it up to the alcohol if you want to. But that won't change the fact that every time you go over there you put yourself in danger again.

Listen to yourself. Some voice inside of you said this is wrong. Wrong enough that you wanted to ask for more opinions. Since it's that wrong you need to be protected from this situation. If you don't think you need that protection then your sister sure does.

Being drunk is no excuse for this. Don't you let it be the reason you excuse him. Alcohol can lower inhibitions making it more likely that you'll do things that you want. If anything the drinking made the real him come out.

Of course he tells you guys that molesting children is wrong. He may actually believe it or he may be trying to talk himself into believing it. However that doesn't mean that he still doesn't have the urge. Think about how many people know that smoking is killing them but still do it. He's caught in that same kind of addiction.

Get help from an adult who is close enough to protect you now. Stop spending the night. Stop making excuses for him. Get some help now!

Answer 3

Scared, I bet. Angry, I'm sure. You just wanted to go to bed and now you have all this to deal with and it's a heavy burden.

On the one hand you have 2 families to think about. You think that if you say anything, you will be the reason there is trouble. Then there's the question of whether anyone will believe you. There's a good chance he'll say you are lying.

On the other hand, if you keep quiet, you will always have to carry this awful burden alone and trust me, it's like a thorn that becomes infected and just keeps festering.

You are caught between a rock and a hard place and there is no easy answer here. I think you should speak to someone who is not involved with either of your families, a councilor who can give impartial advice and help you process your feelings around it as that is the most important thing.

It is the hardest thing to come out and say it but it doesn't end there unfortunately.

The only thing I can say for sure is that you have to speak to someone. It took me 20 years to realize it and another 6 to work through the aftermath so think carefully and ask your angels for guidance.

Answer 4

I think you are old enough to talk to him. This happened to me when I was about your age, only the dad was exposing himself to me when his family couldn't see him. It took me several times to believe what I was seeing, but when I realized it I knew it had to stop. I had a friend call and ask for him so his family wouldn't suspect, and then I simply told him that I knew what he was doing and if it ever happened again, I was going to tell his wife. It never happened again, but I didn't ever go around him much from that time on. As it turned out, he had been molesting all his kids, and his youngest is a pedophile now.

I would simply tell him what happened. He may have been drunk, but seriously do you think at your age its ok if a father is "patting" a daughters foot to make her go to sleep. Time for that to stop, so you may want to tell him that apparently when he drinks, he's not in control. Good luck.

Answer 5

I know you don't want to "break the family's apart", but you really need to talk to your parents about this. You have no reason to feel guilty! No matter if you try to blame the alcohol or whatever, it still happened and needs to be addressed. Believe me, you'll feel better after you talk about it. It's been over a year and you are still upset, that should tell you something.
But, no matter what the circumstances, it still wasn't right. What if your friends mom hadn't came in looking for him? You would have blew the whistle on him then, right?
Anyway, your parents have the right to know that this happened to you. And that it is still affecting you. Then they can help you deal with it in whatever way is best for you. You are more important than any friednship they will ever have!

Answer 6

Don't ever assume that it'll be "just one time". It never is. If it isn't you, it's someone else. Trust me on this. I've been molested before & it wasn't ever "just one time" & when it wasn't me it was my sister.

You need to tell your parents this right now. He sexually molested you & probably would have stuck his fingers inside you or raped you if his wife didn't come in. Sorry for the crude imagery, but sometimes people need to hear the blunt truth in order to realize what happened.

There will be some anger, but stick to your story. If you can't stop him now, who will be next? Who is to say that he hasn't done this to one of her other friends or to your very own sister. Never assume that it won't happen again, because it will. Look that pervert straight in the face & tell him that you know what he did & that you told your parents. Don't let yourself be the victim I was. You will hate yourself more if you don't speak. Trust me.

Answer 7

Tell him nicely that your a big girl and that you do not want to be patted anymore. If he doesn't listen or stop tell this man what happen that night he was drunk. And if he still doesn't listen or stop tell him that you will tell your parent or someone else.

Answer 8

It is not normal for an adult to "pat a teenager to sleep"
When he is alone he is most likely doing more than patting her to sleep. The wife came in to check what was going on because she suspects that he is molesting his daughter.
Do not go to that house again and please talk to an adult that you are comfortable with.

Answer 9

Please take it from me, I am a lot older than you, I am a mum.
I have also experienced a bit worse than what you are describing. Believe me sweety, it will get worse.
It will be the hardest thing in the world to tell your mum about this, but please do xxx
If you can't tell her then please don;'t put yourself in the position where he may do this again.'If you do have another sleep over and he starts to touch you, yell out is name or something to bring attention to him.
Men that do this are generally cowards and will not want to get caught.
Don't ever let anyone tell you that you were to blame. You are not to blame. xx

Answer 10

You need to tell your mother. You cannot let people do things to you because you are afraid of how they will react. You should have told him to stop when he did it. Of course he is going to act nice. Stay away from him and tell your mother right now.