Any way to reconnect with family?

Question

Elsewhere, I have mentioned that I have no family. That is not exactly true. My mother is alive and I have 3 half siblings. Just that it has been many years since I attempted to have anything to do with them.When I was 10 (almost 11) my mother remarried. Two weeks later he kicked me out. A difference in religion. I was already an athiest. I won't want to give his religion. Just say he was in all respects a very bad member of a respectable faith. But I never received support or any other help from then on. Last time I tried to develop something with my mother was 7 years ago. I mention I am a reserve sheriff officer. She was supporting my 3 half siblings drug habits, 2 meth users, the other preferred crack cocaine. One a major jewelry thief, my mother the fence.Happily out of my jurisdiction. I would like to have something of a relation with my mother, but cannot think of anything. Nothing will change and I cannot tolerate drug users or anyone aiding them. But someone else might.

I'm 60. My mother 89 and the half siblings all older than me by 5 to 10 tears. I also ha a couple steps. But they are dead from overdoses and heart attacks caused by their choices of drugs. The step father that kicked me out is out of there, possibly dead. My mother married one more time after, to someone that became quite wealthy from family inheritance. He died, about 7 years ago, when I last tried for a relationship with my mother. He left my mother about $9 in stocks, bonds and mostly real estate. Complicating things even more, I think she and the half siblings would think I was interested in the money. And I am not.

I'm 60. My mother 89 and the half siblings all older than me by 5 to 10 tears. I also ha a couple steps. But they are dead from overdoses and heart attacks caused by their choices of drugs. The step father that kicked me out is out of there, possibly dead. My mother married one more time after, to someone that became quite wealthy from family inheritance. He died, about 7 years ago, when I last tried for a relationship with my mother. He left my mother about $9 in stocks, bonds and mostly real estate. Complicating things even more, I think she and the half siblings would think I was interested in the money. And I am not.

Whoops! that was $9 million. $9 dollars of real estate would be a microscopic parcal. I was proof reading and accidently hit the submit.

I had some wonderful people I boarded with after my step father kicked me out. Helped me avoid the county childrens' home. I never stayed with anyone more than about a year though. I didn't want to overstay rthe welcome. That, Viet Nam pretty well shows why always single. I have friends just no one close very often. Two died from gall bladder cancer. One 9 years ago, the other 5. Volunteering keeps me connected to people on my own terms. To me I like being needed more than anything else.

Answer 1

The contact will likely hurt you a lot more. You don't say how old you are. If a lot of time has gone by and you just have to see your mom, you could get help finding her if you don't have a resource. I heard that Salvation Army can help people connect.

Answer 2

Honestly, no matter what your relationship was, some contact is better than none. I find it shocking you were kicked out at the age of ten or eleven. He must have been a prize. You did well for yourself but you still have all that pain and the best way to deal with it, for your own sake, is to overlook the drugs and just contact her every now and then; obviously you won't be able to have a close happy relationship, given the past and what's going on now, but you can have her in your life at least, in small doses.
You can keep in touch by phone (not really recommended) or mail (cards, letters, pohotos, etc) or email.
This is why so many use current friends as substitute family, such as I have done since my Mom passed. Co-workers and people you meet, etc all can be great and supportive and be there for you.
Just take heart in knowing you are a success and you have poeple in your life to turn to whenever you need to or want to; friends are so important.
Sites like this help too!

Answer 3

Your mother isn't going to change. Ever. That's the horrific, unfortunate truth. People don't change. If you want to have a relationship, for your sanity, I'd just keep it simple. Call her. Write her a letter. Get to know her, but don't get too close. If she's still married to your stepfather and still dealing with drugged out half siblings she's going to be more trouble than she's worth if you get too close.

I hope that didn't sound harsh, cause it wasn't meant to be. The truth sometimes just isn't rosey. I've dealt with a few members of my family in this way and honestly it's a lot better on me and them. We can talk and keep in touch, but I don't feel overwhelmed or obligated to do or say anything for THEM. Live your life for yourself. If your family doesn't except things about you, I can tell your from experience, you can find your own family.

Good luck. I hope you make a decision that makes you comfortable and something good comes out of it.

Meghan

Answer 4

Meghan's answer is right on. I also am alienated from my folks & 1 sister (they don't like my husband of 33 years). I am, however, lucky enough to have another sister who is the "peace keeper" of the family to a certain extent.

You might try sending your mom a card & wait to see if you get an answer. That would let you know if she is interested in a relationship with you. For your own emotional well being, and from my own experience, keep the relationship at arms length until your mom makes the decision. It's still going to hurt either way.