My brother passed away a couple months ago?

Question

a week before my birthday in march. We were both in a car to bus collision and he died a couple days later. He was only 23 and im 15. Well i find it extremely hard to move on since my family is falling apart. I was wondering what i should do to get through his loss or if thats normal. I just cant think of anything else but him. And his birthday is coming up on the 29th and im not sure what i should do. I appreciate everyone reading this as well as answering.
-Alan

that doesnt seem to help. i cry mostly everyday and looking through pictures but that doesnt seem to help. thanks for the advice though. i appreciate it.

Answer 1

a biiiiiiiiiig hug fom me 1st, then u are such a strong person and yea you WILL get over this, but he will allways be the brother u have, not had

good luck

Answer 2

The first few years will be hard. It's the worst around birthday time. You will learn to cope better as days go by. Everyone copes differently, some people come together while others fall apart, you will become a stronger person because of this, just think of what you brother would want

Answer 3

you can't really get over something like that but possibly you can get through it. My Dad died last year and i still think about him daily but it has got a lot better. I keep a diary/ journal of memories i've had with him good or bad, and how i felt about it and how i thought everyone else involved felt, and i also include my present feelings about the loss, its comforting to know that i can hold on to those memories without worries that i'll forget and its also comforting to know i can visually let go of bad moments between us. I'm also Native American so for a few years after his death we have feast in his honor sort of like a reunion honoring him, so maybe you could try something similar to that around his birthday or his deathday. Also take all the time you need to adjust or it might catch up with you, i was in my senior year when he died, and i let my school push me back in too soon. i also had a older friend from my church that i would have lunch with every month and just having an outsider listen to you and focus on your feelings can be very comforting, i found it was hard to talk about him with my family because it wasn't something they didn't already know, whereas my friend would hear and feel my heartache firsthand and was very compassionate about it all.

Answer 4

I lost my 33 year old sister two years ago she died because she accidentally mixed a pain killer and another medication that killed her, she has 3 kids all were under the age of 13 and the youngest was 3, I never thought anything in my life would be that hard to get over, we were very close but had grown a little distant with our busy lives and I never forgave myself for that. I finally did get over it though with a lot of help from my family my remaining sister is always calling me to talk and I have no problem listening now because I know how fast it can all cahnge. Funny you have a 8 year difference because so did we, I was 25 and she was 33. My brother and I are like best friends and I could not have imagined if it had been him so I truly feel for you and my sympathy goes out to you and just get closer to those left in your life, you will need them trust me.

Answer 5

Alan - I'm so sorry to hear of the terrible news. Your reaction to it is completely natural and you should not feel hurried to get over it. If you do, you may find yourself feeling guilty. Allow yourself to mourn. I think the best thing to do at this point is to think about the great things he contributed to the world, to his friends, and to his family. He is never gone when his presence prevails in your hearts. It may sound cheesy, but it is true. For his birthday, I don't think it is necessary to make a big deal of it - in fact, it should probably be something low key with the family at the very most. If the family is ready, maybe get together and look at photos and reminesce (and hopefully laugh) about the good times. However, while this may be enriching, it's all about timing so be weary of how everyone is feeling. I hope the very best for you and your family!

Answer 6

Alan,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I wish I had a better answer, but honestly, there is nothing you can do to make the pain disappear. The only thing you can do is live your life the best way you know how, and never forget your brother. Remember that he loved you, and he would only want the best for you. He still lives in your heart, and he always will. Treasure that, and bless you.

Answer 7

You have been traumatized in several ways at once, and your family needs help as well. Your family would benefit from professional counseling. Don't let the family fall apart from this grief... give them help.

One resource: http://www.emofree.com/
This is the website for the emotional freedom technique... download the FREE manual... instruction in the actual technique starts around page 20. it really works on releasing all sorts of stress, trauma, pain and whatever. The website also has a searchable database.

Answer 8

So sorry. This is a very difficult time for you. I have lost a sister who was 7 years older than me many years ago and my mother died 6 years ago. From my experience the grief cycle takes up to about a year. Though it is different for everybody. There are stages of grief and having these explained to you may help. A psychiatrist by the name of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross explains these in her book "On Death and Dying" I'm sure she has published other books also - but this one she is most famous for. In it she talks about the grief one goes through when they learn they are to die. But she also explains the loved ones go through these same stages. You may not be interested in this I don't know, but I found it helped me at the time. I know too that at this time you feel you will never get over it and that this terrible emotion you feel daily now will not ever go away. But it does. Time does heal. It may help for you to seek out a bereavement support group. Quite often your local health centre can put you onto one. On his birthday I suggest visiting his memorial. Hang out with friends or family on this day. Try to think positively about his contribution to your life and remember the happy times that put a smile on your face. If you believe in life after death, talk to him in the same way you used to (when you're on your own) as this can also help. Light a candle for him on his birthday in the privacy of your own home and wish him a happy birthday. I wish you strength as you endure this pain and the comfort in knowing others care and that it will one day pass.

Answer 9

I cant tell you to just go on with your life because I know that as of the moment that is somehow very hard to do... your family is also finding it difficult to go on... I suggest if your family is open to it --- go and see a counselor or a therapist. This way it can help everyone understand what is going on.

Maybe it is difficult and no one knows how long before you can actually move on but the good part is ---- yes you can move on.

It will hurt, allow yourself to grieve but in time you will recover...

Answer 10

It's ok to grieve. It happened so recently, so you can't expect yourself to heal that quickly.

My uncle passed away that same month, so your question really sticks with me. He committed suicide & was discovered by my other uncle (his brother). My grandparents are heartbroken, but they are slowly healing. My grandfather is trying to keep himself busy to keep from thinking about it. It doesn't work all the time, but it helps. I've been collecting pictures of him to make a scrapbook so I can remember the good times with him. My uncle has been going to therapy & for the most part it has really helped. He still has nightmares occasionally, but the occurences have trickled down.

It hurts so much, but you can't let that rule your life. I really suggest that you & your family go into therapy, especially you. This is not something that is easy to get over & talking to someone really does help.

I hope that this helps you sweetie. Stay strong, ok?

Answer 11

I'm sorry for your loss.

Death can be a hard thing to deal with. You shouldn't forget about your brother but you should be thinking about the future. Time heals all wounds. You should talk with your family about what to do on your brothers birthday. I try to go to my father's cometary plot on his birthday and special ocassions. He died when I was 15. It's still hard to be honest but I know that he would be proud of me and want me to do the best with my life.

It may help you to talk to a psychologist to help deal with your feelings and get on the path to recovery.