its been 4 years already an i know im not supposed to get over it but i miss her sooooooooo much an everytime i think im fine a few months later i break down again, why? she died from drugs she got hepititic C an was a drug user an alcoholic so her liver died before she can get a new one, she was always in an out of my an my little bro's life,she'll come for 3 months then leave for 3-6 months then come 6 months an stay 1 month so it was always different, so sometimes i feel like she's just gone,she went back to LA to party, an yet i miss hearing the unexpected doorbell ring an to know that it was her, but i know its not an i hate knowing that!!! i talk about her alot especially when i feel like this, but its hard, my bro's well one dont care bout her an the other dont remember her, but me i was a momma's girl when i was young an when she came back she did show us love, but i dont know how deal with this anymore cause when i think im doing ok i end up having another break down... help
2007-10-24 18:07:13 · 12 answers · asked by Michelle G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It is always hard to deal with losing a loved one, especially when it is you parent that you lost. For me, my grandmother had a hand in raising me, and she was like a second mom to me. She died in 1992, still every now and then, when my life seem challenging, I start to miss her, as she was the only one alive that truly understood me. What I learned to do was to face life and the loss, one day at a time. I don't think that the void will ever completely leave your heart, so to sort of step out of my crazy life, I'd remenisce of the fond memories I had of her, and even the memories of her disciplining me, some memories made me cry harder than most, some made me laugh, and smile, and when I felt down, I would hug a pillow and pretend it was her I was hugging and cried till I fell asleep, and when I wake, I face the day refreshed. I would say, take it one day at a time, lock the sweet memories of your mom in your heart and mind, and whenever you missed her, there is nothing wrong with letting it out, but then pick yourself up, and live in the present, she would want for you to move foward and be happy. It helps to have some friends, or family members that you could talk to, and when all else fails, you could pray for strength and guidance and for your heart to heal, and if you need someone just to lend you a shoulder, or an ear for you to let it all out, you can always email me and I'll be more than happy to hear you out. Take things one day at a time, and take care of yourself.
2007-10-24 19:33:58 · answer #1 · answered by Admeta 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because she was your mom and that's the hardest thing to get over. I lost my dad in 1997 and that was hard; I didn't think anything could be that hard; then my mom passed away in 2003, and I like you, miss her every single day. The pain gets less, but it's still there. You just have to learn to deal with it and realize that your mom was probably in a lot of pain because of her addictions and she's not in pain anymore. The she'll always be with you!!
Check with your local hospital and hospice. They usually offer bereavement groups and it really is helpful if you talk to people that are going through the same thing you're going through.
2007-10-24 18:13:08 · answer #2 · answered by dodgerfan1962 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know you've probably have tried these techniques but I will just give them to you. One, start a list of things that made you mad about your mother. After you have completed, light it on fire. Second, cry your eyes out doesn't matter what it is, just cry, cry until all of it is going away. Three, try to leave her and the way she lived alone. Even if the thought of her crosses your mind just say she's no longer there. Fourth, go outside and scream, don't ruin your vocal chords but scream the anger and sadness out. That is all I can recommend. I'm sorry for your lost.
2007-10-24 18:15:48 · answer #3 · answered by Jenny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are trying to relive a past that doesn't sound like it was so good, but you like to think it was....and that somehow it would be different if she were back....and it wouldn't be....and you need to face that she abused her health and her life and all of you as well by not being there for you. She had problems. It doesn't mean she didn't love you, but she wasn't able to take care of herself, so how could she take care of her children?
You are clinging to something totally unreal, hoping it will make your life better...and your brothers are more realistic than you.
You need to know that a healthy, stable person is able to cope without a mom or a dad being close by....and you need to start focusing on your future, and what will be good for you....not dwelling on the past. Count you blessings....there a lots of people worse off than you. If you don't believe me, go visit the nearest vets hospital, or cancer center and see what many others have to live with.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and find others you can help....you brothers would be a good place to start.
In your case, I think it would be a good therapy to sit down and write a total letter to you Mom and say everything in it you wish you could say to her, good and bad to get it out of your system...then "mail" it...by burning it, or sailing it out on the ocean, or whatever....and then move on. Put away her pictures for awhile....start focusing on other things for the next year or so. Time will heal, if you let it.
And then start setting your goals....school, job, career, ect.
Where do you want to be in a year....in 3 years...in five years and focus on them for while. And life will get better for you.
But....if you spend all your time focusing on what you don't have....and on yourself....you will keep going downhill, make yourself miserable...and everyone else around you.
God says to think of whatever is pure, honest, lovely and of a good report....He has a good reason for saying so.
2007-10-24 19:01:27 · answer #4 · answered by samantha 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your Mom will always have a very special place in your heart.
When I lost my Mom 20 years ago I though my world was going to end. I went to counseling for one year. It helped to get me though the day. I t was hard for me being a Nurse and seeing patients die. I never understood why she died but woke up one morning and was at peace with her. Not one day goes by with out me talking to her or missing her. The pain does get better.
You will always have the memories of your Mom. Think of the good things. You are in our prayers. I know it is hard
2007-10-24 19:00:12 · answer #5 · answered by blondie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh wow! Im sooooo sorry to hear about your mom. personally, I think that this would call for professional help, and not the help from others like here.
It would hurt me very much to lose my mom cause we have a bond like no other parent/child. So, I can just imagine how your feeling. Plus theres probably some other things on your mind, like questions that you need answered.
Im still getting over three deaths so far this year, and its helped to talk about it. Ive written a lot of my thoughts down on paper and hidden them. Ive even drew in paint or on paper to xpress myself. Just keep the good memories in your heart and in your thoughts!
Good Luck!
2007-10-24 18:15:52 · answer #6 · answered by Tweetalette 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are help communities for you the place you are able to fulfill with distinctive different people who've been additionally attempting to handle the devastating loss of a chum. no one yet you knows the style you experience yet you at the instant are not on my own in this in any respect. help communities assist you to talk it out with others who've been by way of the comparable or comparable circumstances & soreness & confusion. additionally consistent with probability you need to help somebody else which could be only what you % stunning now. touch your Breast maximum cancers Assoc. or community wellbeing facility for data. draw close in there it gets much less complicated.
2016-10-04 13:03:23 · answer #7 · answered by poehlein 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss. About all you can do is grow up to be the best person you can be, and make your mom proud of you. Rest assured that she does look in on you every so often.
In essence, your mom was running from herself and not really wanting to live her life. The drugs were an escape for her. She was probably in a lot of emotional pain. Please understand that she is completely free of all pain and all addiction right now, and she is beyond all limitation.
2007-10-24 18:25:55 · answer #8 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know its hard. Its been 12 yrs since my mom passed and its no picnic sometimes either. But it does sound like you are taking it exceptionally hard. You should find a teacher, preacher, therapist or someone that can talk with you thru those unresolved feelings that you have.
You can change what has happened but you can learn to deal with what you could not control.
Good luck.
2007-10-24 18:13:40 · answer #9 · answered by N M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried looking at your situation from a religious standpoint? Maybe you should consider seeking the Lord wholeheartedly. The Lord is the only one that can make you whole. All you have to do is believe and have faith in Him.
I will say a prayer for you and your family. -May God Bless you.
2007-10-24 18:22:00 · answer #10 · answered by †Evonne† 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋