How can I convince my mom to let my boyfriend and I sleep next to each other?

Question

My mom has slept next to every boyfriend she has dated, yet her excuse for me and my boyfriend not being able to sleep next to each other is "Only married people sleep next to each other". My mom has a horrible temper, and it's easy for her to fly off the handle, so I try not to argue with her every time she says no. I love him a lot, and would do anything to wake up next to him once in a while. I'm slightly confused because she let him sleep next to me while she was gone on a trip, but now that she's back, it's a "no-no". I know it has nothing to do with religious views because she isn't religious. If she already knows that we're sleeping together, why can't we sleep next to each other?

Extra Info:
-I'm an only child.
-I'm 17.
-My parents are divorced.
-About a year ago, I practically lived on my own due to the fact that my mom was never home.
-I'm responsible (I have a good job, I pay for everything I have myself, I have never been late for curfew...etc.)

We lost our virginity to each other.

Answer 1

Parents should suppose to be role models, set good examples for children to emulate them..well in your house case, I can't imagineee someone to give a law and break the law,,,your Mom has a problem too, meanwhile I believe you are matured enough to comprehend things and discern better,good for you, so clean off the mess, you show a good example now, dont even confront your mom, you know, old dogs can't learn new tricks anymore and she will insist on her views no matter what, loving a boyfriend doesn't mean letting him sleep over your place...........or the best...........explain the situation to your bf.............i guess he will understand.......and by the way, u can't do anything really.......it's your Mom's kingdom..............she has the law in her hads,....obey dear!!!

Answer 2

You have good reasons to be confused. You mother seems to have double standard thinking depending on the situation.
She allowed him to stay with you when she did not have to see the two of you sleeping together in her house. She seems
to have some problems with anger so it is best to live by her
rules in the house. If she becomes physically abusive please
let someone know, a family member or school counselor will
be able to help you. It would be helpful for you to get some
counseling so you can learn how you must cope as long as
you live at home. And ask lots of questions. Don't be afraid to
ask anything you feel you need to know about. Some mothers
cannot talk to their daughters about personal matters that we
really need to know about Everything you can learn will help
you for your future. Good Luck!

Answer 3

.... Age may play a big factor and because shes your mom! I know the double standard thing is a total piss off, but why would you want to sleep with your boyfriend in your moms house anyways?

I am in no way convincing you to move out, but that's disrespectful to her. Shes been down the road that you've barely travelled on so just trust her opinion.

But I haven't asked:

1. How long have you been dating?
2. How comfortable are you with your mom sleeping next to her boyfriends in the house that you 2 share?
3. Has your boyfriend ever expressed anger or frustration about this situation too?

You don't have to answer it publicly. Asking yourself those questions in private may give you all the answers you need.

Answer 4

Well, she sounds like she's saying, "Do as I say, not as I do." Still, I don't know how old you are so I can only assume she's just thinking you're too young for sex. Yes, she probably knows you are having sex, but it's different when it's in her own house under her roof. If you're doing it somewhere else, she can pretend it isn't happening. Being a mom myself, I wouldn't want my kids to make the same mistakes I made. You may not believe this, but I'm going to say it anyway and you can be the judge. This is how I feel about my kids: I love my kids so much, I'd die for them instantly and without question. I would forgive them anything they did - no matter how hurtful it is to me. I have done some stupid things in my life that I am not proud of and I have faced the consequences. Only now do I realize that when my parents got the angriest at me, it was because it hurt them to see me screw up and because they knew I'd pay for it later. I would do anything to prevent my kids' hearts from being broken. I'd gladly take on all the pain they will surely suffer in their lives myself. This is why I am willing to suffer for my own stupidity, but when I see my kids make the same mistakes, I get so frustrated. I don't care about myself as much as I love my kids. Sad thing is, what I'm talking about is living their lives for them and I can't do that.

Hon, you are not necessarily making a mistake, but your mom is afraid you will get hurt, maybe pregnant. A parent being overprotective and controlling is aggravating, but you will see why they do it when you have your own child. It's love, hon.

Answer 5

Think your mom' is confused with this whole sex thing. Sounds like she's confused about most things.

Seeing you and your boyfriend sleeping next to each other reminds her of her own bad decisions. She knows the rules, but will break them when it comes to her boyfriends and herself.

You should be confused. Your mom isn't the best example in the world. She goes on a trip and she says it's OK to sleep next to your boyfriend. She's back from her trip, now things change again. That's enough to make anyones head spin. Like I mentioned above, you remind her of herself. She truly knows that is not the right thing to do, especially in her own home.

After all that's been said and done, your mom is still your mom and she loves you very much. And that's never going to change. If she says no to sleeping next to each other in her home. respect her wishes. If you think you're confused, just think how confused your mom is.

Because she knows you sleep together, does that make it right? She knows she has no control over you when you're not home, but when you return to your mom's home that's when things make a difference.

I don't hear you say anything about sleeping with your boyfriend at his home with his parents permission. So whats going on there? When you're on your own, then you can do what you want.

Your mom may not be the best example for you, but that may be the one thing she's trying to teach you. "Don't do what I'm doing."

Exactly what do your little "tid bits" mean in additional info? Does it mean you have one over your mom, I'll show you, we did it and you don't even know about it?

Don't point at you mom and blame her. At least you didn't do "it" at your moms home. Or did you? No ones perfect in this world and that means your mom, you, and your boyfriend. Don't get me wrong here, there's nothing wrong with sex. It's the "meaning" behind it. All I can say here, and then I'll get out of your face. Be careful out there!

Answer 6

without knowing how old you are i hope you are using some sort of protection if you are already doing the deed. i imagine she doesn't want you to sleep in the same bed when she's around because most of us are brought up with the idea that that type of behavior is a "no-no" as you put it. I'd also guess she figures that if she's not around to it, it's easy to pretend it's not happening. If it's really that bad than you and he should get your own place so you can do what you want then screw up your future because no one can support a family, pay rent finish school and work full time.

Answer 7

It's easy - she thinks you guys will have sex and you will wind up in a bad position, pregnant, stds. She knows what she did with the boyfriends she "slept" next to, and thinks you will do the same. Wait till she goes on another trip, and sleep with your friend then. It's hard when you're young but feel grown up and able to handle a physical relationship. I think she's just trying to look out for you.

Answer 8

Mom's are kinda funny when it comes to this situation. Even if you are 99 years old. You will still be her baby girl. I understand that she has a temper and this doesn't make it easy to discuss things. However, she is your mother. You need to present the situation in a calm, rational manner. Don't go into the discussion demanding you are right and she is wrong. Both of you talk and listen to each other and explain why you feel the way you do. and if she still says no, you need to accept and respect her wishes in her home.

Answer 9

Parents have a big problem with their children being physically involved with someone. She may know that you're sleeping together but if she allows you to sleep next to each other she's allowing that to happen.

If you have younger siblings she might be trying to set an example.

Also as for her doing it, she's an adult and decision maker. Not sure how old you are but if you're still at home and following mom's rules you aren't yet.

Answer 10

She is an adult so the fact that your mom sleeps next to her boyfriend should be a factor. If you still live under her roof, you have to live by her rules. I was engaged and my parents didn't want us to sleep in the same bed. Its a matter of respect for your mom. It probably makes her feel uncomfortable. If you're finding time to have sex, then you're finding time to sleep beside each other. I hope you're using protection.