damn i wish i can say something to make you feel better... but truth is i never had feelings for a married someone -only someone's fiance and yup it hurts like hell i was like on drugs all the time (although i never took it but feels like it)and yeah i wish i dont have that feeling for him then because looking back now, its a losing battle and i really was the stupid one.. :( how do i stop it? we had a fight and stopped calling each other - i was like a zombie for 3 months cuz i cant sleep and i was always on the edge of breaking down but then one day i snapped out of it at my cousin's wedding when i realised he wont be the man at my wedding and the 4 hours drive back home i told myself once i get home i'm gonna cry like crazy and that will be my last cry. so i reached home and sure yeah i cried for hours but then i prayed to God and asked Him to give me courage to let go of my ex because its obvious he is NOT the one.so those tears that day and that prayer was my closure and i felt a special kind of peace and acceptance that i never thought was possible again. and sure enough, he came back few months later but by that time i'm all over him soooo...it is possible. you just need to make peace w yourself and set your closure. whenever you're ready, love.
2007-10-25 01:18:26
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answer #1
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answered by aishah 5
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Not married, but I fell for someone who didn't bother to mention that he was ENGAGED. It was awful, especially since I kinda knew the girl as a distant acquaintance and I liked her, I could tell that in different circumstances we could have been good friends... anyway, he had been postponing the actual wedding for TWO YEARS because he'd fallen for me too and couldn't decide what to do..
SO I pulled a crazy maneuver and had a mutual friend tell his fiance' what was going on. I thought she deserved to know but I didn't want HIM to know it had come from me. It was the only way I could think of to make a completely clean break, no one getting dragged along any more. I thought if she knew, it would be done. And I was right, and was finally able to move on! They got married four months later.
I still think about him every once in a while.. not very often really but sometimes something will remind me of him, like a song. It doesn't hurt any more, I had fun spending time with him and was glad to have known him but we were both confused and I'm very glad it ended. I wish it had happened sooner. And yes, I do still love him. If you've truly been in love with someone you don't just fall out of love, it stays. I still love everyone who I've been close to for that long.
I'm so sorry you're hurting, it was the most horribly painful thing to go through at the time, I know how you feel. It DOES get better though, I promise. I know it doesn't help much to hear that now, but it's true. Just try to be more careful who you fall for next time...
2007-10-24 15:21:54
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answer #2
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answered by wolfdancer 2
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Maybe what you mean is that you have some nice feeling with someone who is married already, but you only know that it is a romantic feeling until later. Feelings of affection to someone has no limits, you can have an affection with someone who is single, married, young, or even much older than you are. But the problem only comes when that feeling of affection turns into physical action, which actually have some limitations.
My answer to your question is this, I could love a married person secretly, but definitely I could not love here physically. I should be man enough to respect her married life. And to stop my feelings about her is this, I would try to look for someone to love and divert my feelings to her. It is very hurting to leave someone you love, but try to imagine the disastrous effect if you will continue with your forbidden love.
2007-10-24 15:26:52
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answer #3
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answered by EDRO 2
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Didn't know you had the feelings till later...or didn't know they were married till later? and what's LATER? After you slept with 'em? after they led you on and let you get emotionally involved with them...only to reveal after they got you entangled in their web that they were unavailable.
You stop your feelings by 1) knowing they were lying to you, intentionally keeping their marriage a secret 2) acquiring some respect for yourself that they never had, have or ever will have 3) understand that if they cheat on their current spouse with you, there's an extremely high rate that they'll cheat on you too...4) accept that you're probably not the ONLY ONE they're cheating with (or leading on)..nor are you the first, most special, saving angel, or real soulmate they've prayed for 5) realize that if you "fell in love" from a distance and that's why you didn't now about their marriage then you'r just kidding yourself and you can't HOLD onto what you never really had and that lust or a crush is NOT love, and as intense as it feels, to be IN aloving relationship where the love is returned and there's none of that other crap to muddle through, you won't need to be asking questions about betrayel.
2007-10-24 15:18:19
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answer #4
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answered by SnowWhite 2
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Whenever you meet someone for the first time, it's best to find out his or her marital status before you get too involved, and your feelings run away with you. If the person is married or in a sustained relationship, your best policy is to stay away from him or her, because even while you're hurting now, that's nothing compared to how hurt you and everyone involved will be hurt if you pursue this person, especially if there are children involved in this marriage. There are plenty of unattached people to pin your hopes on, so don't waste your time and devotion on someone who is already taken. It's an exercise in futility. And don't be mislead by this person, even if he or she says they are getting a divorce. That usually never happens.
2007-10-24 15:17:33
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answer #5
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answered by gldjns 7
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Yes, I've ever had feelings for someone who is married but I do not love this person any more. It is possible to stop the feelings. It sounds difficult but it can be done.
Tell yourself that you wouldn't want to be the one ruining another person's marriage. It's better to live with a clear conscience. Also, what goes around comes around. You wouldn't want someone else to ruin your own marriage, would you?
Get a clean break. Keep yourself busy and occupied. When you start to develop new interests and friends, the pain will go away.
2007-10-24 15:15:21
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answer #6
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answered by mindalchemy 5
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Yes i have been in that situation, unfortunatley it nearly always ends badly (for you).
The person i was involved with was married with a child, i knew about the child but he had told me that he was divorced from his wife, it wasnt until a few months later that i found out about his wife at a party through a mutual friend, and unfortunatley his wife found out about me at the same time... at the same party.
No one believed me that i didnt know about her and he ended up telling his wife that i was just a fling and i meant nothing to him and they stayed together, he totally disregarded me and my feelings.
I know it is hard and yes, it does hurt like hell and i had trust issues for a long time afterwards but, after a while i did move onto someone amazing that i have now been with for 6 years, my advice to you is:
Only time will heal, and unfortunatley there are some unfaithful and untruthful people in this world, but dont let it turn into a bitter untrusting person, just take it as one of lifes (hard) lessons.
good luck to you.
2007-10-24 15:21:40
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answer #7
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answered by crystall p 1
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Hi, i know its hard, but you gotta let go. I dated lots of married guys a few years ago, i didnt mind initially, i enjoyed the attention and i thought i could find one who would want me. The bottom line is most married guys are just looking for a fun fling on the side; push for a commitment and out the door they go!! Back to their wives!! They took me out on nice dates, told me things i wanted to hear, how pretty, sexy, i am, etc. The sex was great!! But, after a few romps in the bed, away they go. I enjoyed the romance and the thought of being the object of someone's affection was nice too. But, in the end they were all gone, too many broken promises, dates, whatever. Of course, some guys i will never forget, "Jeff" was wonderful. I am a romantic at heart.......i live to be loved and love to love on someone. No more married guys!!! I got a new person in my life.....her name is "Debbie"!! She's great!!! After 2 years, she knows i miss the "fun with penis" but her love and her heart are what i have always been looking for in a person, male or female. I want to be with her forever!!! Good Luck!!
2007-10-24 15:26:37
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answer #8
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answered by Happy 3
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yes i have. and yes i do but have learned that loving someone doesn't mean i have to own them or even have them as a part of my life. it takes time to be able to deal with a lot of life's disappointments like bad timing and social skills. if you were having an affair with a married man without knowing, it truly hurts more than just being infatuated by someone you have known only casually. if he wasn't forthcoming in the beginning and used you, its easier to let them go, but if you were fascinated by someone and fell in love before you knew enough about them, its just one of life's little quirks and most emotionally stable people can let it go and even find some humor at themselves. again... both will require some time to fully recover. i offer this to you, do not allow yourself to hate them and try to get some revenge for your hurt as you will only cause yourself more hurt in the long term. try focusing your energy into finding someone more suitable, without the baggage that married men will have. just because they are married doesn't mean they are happy and many will use whomever comes along as an escape. i don't know your exact situation but hope i've covered enough to be of help. good luck.
gary d
2007-10-24 15:25:32
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answer #9
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answered by gary d 3
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I have feelings for someone who has a live-in gf. It is a long complicated story, but in short he was single and I wasn't so I told him to go be with someone else. He moved on but still loves me. I am engaged to someone else and I am in love with my fiancee, but not in love with the other guy, I just love him. I just didn't realize till after he moved in with the girl how much I actually love him. On top of that, the girl he got with and now has a daughter with, has the same first name I do. I am not gonna leave my fiancee for him but I can't stop loving him either. Love sucks sometimes. Good Luck!
2007-10-24 15:21:24
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answer #10
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answered by curious_boricua_soul 5
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