Crazy situation, We decided to live together b/c I would lose my income if I remarried , Now they passed a law that I can remarry and not lose my income so Im worried that my boyfriend hasnt even mentioned marriage, I would love to get married but we agreed to live together prior to all this new information, how do I tell him how bad I feel that he loves me enough to live together but he doesnt want to marry me, he has not said a word about marriage, and I feel like he doesnt really love me enough to marry how can I let him know how I feel, im old fashioned I dont believe its up to a women to bring the subject up...
2007-10-24 13:19:03 · 20 answers · asked by JOY Z 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just be honest with him. It won't do either of you any good if you hide your feelings.
2007-10-24 13:22:03 · answer #1 · answered by Uni 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here are the facts. Those people who live together before marriage have a 82% better chance of divorce in the first two years. The longer you live together the shorter the marriage.
Main reason is this important fact I have told all the newly weds and those just engaged. When you marry a person you really marry three people. The person you think they are. the person they really are, and the person they become because they are married to you. Once that paper is signed every man changes, everything is now different than it was before. Strange but true. His is an amazing fact. If you have a civil service you have only a 12% chance of staying married. IF you get married in a church it rises to almost 48%, If you get married in a church and go to that church together it becomes 71%, if you both go to that church and work together in that church then it is 92% chance that you will stay married. The famly that prays together stays together. and BTW it is not true that 52% of all weddings end in divorce. Actually less than 32% end in divorce. The numbers were juggled.
2007-10-24 13:30:12 · answer #2 · answered by D. Scott 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JOY--you are entitled to your desires--YOU have to understand that !! If you want marriage--you need to communicate that idea to your guy--make it perfectly clear that living together is NOT what YOU want out of life. You need to tell him that, NOW. If he doesn't like it--then he only wants the convenience and the benefits of a live in friend..he needs to know how you feel. It is not the money--it is not the sharing that living together brings--it is the committment and the emotional satisfaction that marriage would give you. Old Fashioned?? No it is NOT--you have a right to discuss this and maybe find another person that wants to marry you for all the right reasons. Get with it--speak up !! Good luck.
2007-10-24 13:27:01 · answer #3 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well girl, you know what it is, and there is no time like the present to bring it up. You may be old fashioned, but then again, old fashioned people didn't live together either.
If the guy only wants to live with you and not get married, that should set off a bunch of red flags. Don't let him move in with you. Then you'll be strapped to him and won't be able to find someone else that may want to spend a life together.
Don't be bashful about it either, do what you want, but if you want it to be your way, then you will have to push the issue and make sure it is the way you want.
good luck.
Don't get in any deeper than you are now........
2007-10-24 13:25:20 · answer #4 · answered by Fordman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a hard time with the old fashion upbringing too. It is hard to be the female and hint at marriage. I can't do it either. But now that the laws have changed there's absolutely nothing wrong with mentioning them and discussing them. Is "love" the original reason for the union of residence? Or is it "practicality"? What does he benefit from it? (No inheritance problems, kids happy, trust issues) . Are you friends first? Cuz friends can talk about just about anything. Get a bottle of wine and ease into getting your answers from him...wait for the second glass.
2007-10-24 13:29:44 · answer #5 · answered by busterbuns 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute! You are old fashioned about not believing its up to the woman to bring up marriage? Yet....you aren't so old fashioned that you won't shack up. And sacrificing your morals was ok when it meant the money would still keep rolling in - but now that the money will come in anyway....you want to do the right thing and get married? Hate to say it sweetie....but rather than get married...you might as well just charge him by the hour.
2007-10-24 13:28:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him bluntly, but gently. Let him know what your intentions were in the beginning, but now that you learned otherwise, you will move out, unless, of course, marriage is in the picture. Should he not want to marry, then be prepared to move out and stick to your guns. If you stay living w/him and not get married, you'll find that he will not have an urgency to marry you. By you leaving, will allow him to determine at that point if he's ready or even willing to marry you at some point. You may be the one for him, but right now, may not be the time.
2007-10-24 13:26:44 · answer #7 · answered by Olivia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stick to the original arrangement. Either it works or it doesn't, but changing the plan is likely to put the kibosh on it all. Studies have shown prior cohabitation is no guarantee of success in marriage (it's that whole legal paper thing). Good luck. If it feels right in around New year's, bring it up (don't worry it's not a girl thing-that's 19th century thinking in a 21st century world)
2007-10-24 13:23:33 · answer #8 · answered by Goethe's Ghostwriter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring up the new legislation which would allow you to get married without losing your income. Ask him what he thinks. I don't think a relationship is going to work out if you cannot communicate openly about what you want and don't want from your partner.
2007-10-24 13:23:09 · answer #9 · answered by sankayak 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what he thinks about marriage without asking him to get married. Or you can be old fashioned and live in a relationship where you are always questioning yourself and your boyfriends motives.
Your choice.
2007-10-24 13:22:33 · answer #10 · answered by Yesssssss!!!! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there, why not do a candle lit meal with soft music playing in the background, tell him how much you love him and then ask him
"Will you marry me?"
If he loves you and wants to be with you he may want to marry you too.
Give it a try and see what happens
Good luck
2007-10-24 13:25:06 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋