She married this person this year with no member of her entire family,or any friends from her life before she met him.I have read emails she has sent people about what was supposed to have happened the day he abused me in my own home while she stood by.I dont know what to do as I dont want her to think I forgive him,this time he went too far,but she sent me a card for my birthday nothing like she would normally send(we were a very very close family at one time)& a cheque for £15 which I wont be cashing.All I would have liked is a txt.Its almost as if she is pretending nothing has happened.Its a long story so dont judge me on just what I have written.I have been nothing but kind to this person,even didnt go mad when I found out he had made a 16yr old pregnant,my daughters and his bussiness,but I do feel I had every right to object to him abusing me.I want to tell my daughter I got her card but dont know how to without writing what I feel and alienating her.Am I best to ignore the card?
2007-10-24 13:01:58 · 3 answers · asked by Big momma 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Reddevil,let me just point out to you,my daughter is 35 not 20.Dont make these comments without making sure of your facts.I have never expected anything off any one of my 3 grown up daughters.I want to keep the channels open between us,I told you not to judge.I didnt go up in arms when he got that 16yr old pregnant.Dont judge all people the same.I have been a devoted mom for 35years and at the stage of my life where It would be nice to have some peace of mind,instead I am being treated for severe anxiety because I fear for my girls sanity with this bullying control freak.She loves him and I have never tried to or would want to interfere in any of my girls lives.Thats why my life is still being controlled by there needs.One of my girls is working abroad having a great time while I am here without moaning looking after her animals and have been for 2yrs.+This person even objected to our then newborn first grandchild from his&our daughters wedding.Im sorry you are out of order.
2007-10-24 13:30:43 · update #1
revsuzan you have hit the nail on the head,these are my waking thoughts and nightmares.We cant meet for lunch as she lives over 200 miles away.She tells him everything and shows him everything so thats why I am afraid to do anything.I tried to say all this to her the day he attacked me but she assured me he had never touched her.To thank her for her card and not mention anything is like saying,Yes its ok for you to come here and watch him abuse your mother.She has to make her own mind up at 35 what do I do but make sure she knows shes loved and this will always be her home.
2007-10-24 13:39:09 · update #2
tell her how you feel. you can be there for your daughter but don't have to have any contact with him. just ask her to keep you and her hubby separate in her life as you love her and don't want to lose her but you don't want any further connections with him. hopefully she is mature enough to understand your feelings and will have both of you in her life but separately.
2007-10-24 13:10:42 · answer #1 · answered by gemma r 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It kind of sounds like your daughter has been cut-off from you by this guy. It is clear that he has no respect for women. Knocking-up the 16 year old should have put him in prison for statutory rape.
In abusive relationships, it usually starts with the man separating the woman from her support systems (family, friends, church, car, job, etc,) then beginning with the smaller put-downs, then into verbal abuse, then it goes into physical abuse. After each beating there is a make-up honeymoon, then the subsequent beatings get worse and worse in intensity until she either bolts in fear of losing her own life or winds up in a hospital bed.
Your daughter is the only one who can decide how it is going to be and how long it will take before she "gets it".
Se if you and your daughter can meet for lunch and some shopping... then you can try to talk to your daughter and tell her about this abuse cycle and where it inevitably leads.
2007-10-24 20:16:57 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are disappointed in your daughter and do not approve of her choices and decisions. She's not doing what you think she should, isn't that obvious? So you can continue to lecture her, vent to her, tell her how disappointed you are, or you can reach out to her and try to re-establish some type of relationship. She's not going to want a relationship if you continue to lecture, nag, and whatnot....so the choice is yours, isn't it? It will be a long time before she starts seeing the world the same way you do, if ever, so to expect her to listen to your 'wisdom' and complaints is rather naive of you.
However, I have to say, you seem like one of those people who are never satisfied....she sent you a card, and yet you tear down her methods of reaching out.....and you hold her responsible for HIS behavior. ????
2007-10-24 20:14:35 · answer #3 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋