Relationship/cheating question. only serious answers. complicated so read carefully and im if u need to?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We were engaged. He said numerous times that he was worried, I was cheating, or he felt like he was using me. This past May I was filling out some job apps online for him through his email (he asked me too) and noticed an email from a singles website announcing new matches for him. So I confronted him and he said he was doing it b/c he thought I was thinking about breaking up with him. He said he would stop. Then in July I broke up with him, b/c the relationship had become so stressful and nothing was being solved. Two weeks later, we got back together. It was my idea b/c I realized how much I loved him. We were together for about a month. Then one night he started acting weird. He would be on the cell phone with me then his house phone would ring and he’d sound really excited to hear from the person. Then he hung up on me and wouldn’t answer my calls. Finally later that night he did. He told me it was his friend from work who was selling him a car. But I knew differently b/c he had just gotten off work with this friend..soo they could have talked about it there plus the person selling him the car..was a male and he doesn’t adopt that tone of voice with men. It used to only be for me…So I got on our phone bill website we share minutes etc and looked up the number and found out it was a woman he called and talked to during our two week break. So I went to his place and confronted him with it. He said he was sorry. Then two days later he broke up with me saying I deserved better. And I was like okay I love you but I don’t need this. WE agreed clean break and that would be it. Then two weeks later I find out he is bugging my sister for news about me..Then he calls me and say he loves me. So I still love him but I tell him we can’t have any lies or anything and we have to go slow. He agrees and we start to try over. That lasts for about nine days. Then I call him and I am worried b/c he has a dentist appt for oral surgery then he tells me that we are too much alike and that we should just be friends. That was out of the blue. Soo..i expected something was up…THEN last Saturday him and I got into a huge fight. I told him I thought he had been cheating all along and for the first time we called each other names like ***** and asshole etc..And yes we were broken up at the time I just informed him I didn’t think I could be friends with someone who was cheating..and I really thought he had been..Then Monday night we were talking and we both said we were sorry etc. and thought we’d try to make it work again. Then he told me that he had had sex with this girl he met Saturday night whom he had been talking to for a week. He said he did it to get back at me. I wanted to believe him. So I said we could talk maybe make it work he comes over and he is so upset that he did it. And we talk talk talk then he pushed to have sex but I got nauseous b/c he had just been with this other girl. You know? So we stopped. I mean I broke down and sobbed b/c it seemed like it wasn’t a big deal to him. He beat himself up over it so we talked so more..and we did eventually have sex..My fault, his, and I instantly regretted it. But oh well. Well me and this girl he had had sex with Saturday night got to talking on yahoo im. She told me that he was the one who initiated it b/c she didn’t like to make the first move. She said they had sex Sunday night and that he kept pushin and pushin her for sex the night before. She said it seemed like Sunday night was pretty much a booty call. But he told me that it happened Saturday and that she intiated it. She said he enjoyed himself he said he didn’t. he said he took a shower and left. She said they took a shower together snuggled more and joked around then he left b/c she practically had to kick him out of the house. I know him and that sounds like what he does.. he loves to shower together and snuggle. So all in all he lied more. NOW I don’t know if I can take this….me and the chick are planning on calling him out on it tonight. I think he had sex with her to have sex but I think he wanted to make a relationship with her but if so then why did he want to get back with me and is willing to do so? He knows he can’t have her on his side..i’m one of those people who if I suspect something is wrong I don’t give up till I know for sure….and I always find out sometimes later rather than sooner…I have known all along about phone calls to other women, personal ads, etc now I know about her..now I am just wondering if there were more before her. I did get std testing done..so ..

Answer 1

This is a simple answer that is all about the truth. I don't know if you can handle it, but here goes......

This guy only wants sex. That's it. If you and this other girl both told him he could have sex with either one of you, whenever he wanted with no strings, no committment and he wouldn't have to hang out and do anything else with either of you, he'd be happy as hell. This is the way guys are. He is constantly lying to you because he knows he can't get sex unless he makes you think he really wants a serious relationship. At the sametime, he also wants any girl he bangs to only be with him (it's good for the ego, plus it's a hassle to compete) . Guys are biologically preprogrammed to behave this way. Only a decent man with real balls and class can be honest with a woman about what he really wants.

Then why do men eventually settle down you might ask? They do it out of convenience. Sometimes they lack confidence, and when they find a girl who gives it up all the time, they get serious with her, thinking that their best chance to have sex all the time is to commit. Other times they are tired of playing the field and find it easier just to get sex from one girl all the time. This is the nature of most men.

So, when you consider all of this in light of this guy you're confused about, realize he's a dweeb because has to lie to keep his sex life going.

Answer 2

I'm not sure what to tell you. It sounds like you two need to dig down really deep and find out if there is something to be salvaged in this relationship. From what you've said, I think it is best to make a clean break. With all the times you've broken up/gotten back together, he is for sure not ready to be serious if he is sleeping with other girls and you two days later. Hold strong and don't have sex with him again unless you two genuinely get into a relationship again.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

O.K. Listen honey have you ever heard the phrase once a cheater always a cheater? Well it's true I'm married to one the only difference between you and me is I'm married have been for 9 yrs and I just had triplets with this man plus the 2 I already had so I can't leave now, you on the other hand you're single and and you can find better. He has shown you who he is before you say I DO so now say I Don't and move the hell on.

Answer 4

I think you should take a break for real. Stick to it this time. I think he is messing around and if nothing else, he is cheating emotionally. Sometimes a person needs to not have someone to realize that they really do love and want them. I applaud you plan to confront him together. A similar thing happened (many moons ago) with an old bf of mine. We lived together for two years and then I found out that he was engaged to someone else the entire time. I got with her and we got with him. He tried to lie and make both of us look foolish but we stood our ground. He tried to leave, but I would not let him out. We broke up, she dumped him, and he is now a homeless person (karma is a bit*h)

Answer 5

i missed the question. Seems like you caught him your woman instincts telling you hes probably done it before or the whole time and you still questioning yourself? Please stop hanging to this relationship. Because it seems your hanging to this by a string.You seem like your adetermined woman and I must tell u from one betrayed woman to another. Hes not worth it. Years from now you'll met a great guy who adores you and treats you better than any other man and values you and you'll be embarrased and dissapointed in yourself for giving this guy so much power over your life.

Move on and hand him over to another dumb girl to deal w/his issues.

Answer 6

Sounds like a soap opera storyline for a month. I would say you need to find someone else who wants you only since he is playing the field.

Answer 7

Reality check.* Its way past time to get out of Dodge unless you enjoy being humiliated, used, lied to, deceived, miserable, unhappy, stressed out mentally, physically & emotionally, disrespected & being a sex slave.* Why would you continue to put up with this B.S.?*

Answer 8

you are very strong for breaking up and getting back together with this guy numerous times... but he sounds like a creep

i believe you need to just get over him and let him play other women.

Answer 9

well... im not sure what your question is, but i think you should just get away from him. dont even call him on cheating/lying or he will just try to prove you wrong and youd have to deal with more of his bs.

Answer 10

he sounds disgusting...you shouldn't have even put up this question, it seems like you know what you have to do. get out and away from him. ugh, cheaters suck.