Is it ok to hate my dad?

Question

My name is Julie and im 17 years old and last night my dad was going through my stuff and he some how found my box of notes that i right at school with friends and i told him to get out of them and that i need privacey ( i dont think i spelt that right).He got mad at me and said the im a stupid ***** and that he hates me he says this all the time when hes gets mad. do you think he really means it? i been thinking about running away to a friends house. i might go stay with a friend tomorrow and not tell my dad where i am. my dad wouldnt even care where i am. i hate my dad....

Answer 1

Think about how he is feeling.... No offense but from what you said your dad does sound like an a**hole.... Sorry...
But if I where you I would hang in there for a few more days and try to be nice to him.... See if he is infected with your kindness and takes into it too.... If he does than just find new ways to keep it up there will be harmony with you two.... I would suggest that....
But if you absolutely can't take him I wouldn't advise running away.... that only leads to more problems and more anger.... The more you do to get him mad the more he will take it out on you.... I would suggest trying to be nice.... Even if he doesn't respond in a nice way.... at least you'll feel better about yourself.... Trust me... I know... If that completely doesn't work for you.... Follow your heart... Show your dad love even if you do decide to run away.... Let him now that no matter what he can't change the way you think about yourself or about him.... Kindness is always a more powerfull weapon than hate....
I really do hope things get better for you.... and I encourage you to try your best to be the better person and show some compasion... Good luck... I wish you a happy future.....

Thoughtfully, Anytime....
Nick!

Answer 2

Oh Julie, this makes me so sad.
If your Dad is going through your stuff, it sounds as though he worries about you - is concerned you might be into something - whatever - that could be bad for you.
Sounds to me as though he loves you. But he certainly doesn't have the skills to show it the right way.
Saying he hates you when he is angry, is not good, but it doesn't mean he does hate you. Just as I'm sure you don't hate him, you just hate the way he treats you and that is understandable.
He doesn't sound like the sort of person who would see your running away as the statement it is meant to be - he would probably just be more angry than ever.
Have you thought about writing him a letter (because it doesn't sound as though talking to him would be an option) and saying how much it upsets you the way he speaks to you? On the other hand, if you do have somewhere safe to stay, go ahead and do this, but leave him a note telling him exactly why you are doing this. Don't leave a note saying you hate him - that won't achieve anything. Just point out the way he is treating you makes it impossible to stay....

Answer 3

Yes, it is ok to be terribly angry when you feel disrespected and mistreated. Parents always fail when they disrespect their children. They say things and they don't realize that you remember the hateful things they say. Don't run away. It will not stop your dad from calling you names. You are at a pivotal time in your life and should focus on your future. Instead you can spend time thinking/strategize how you will tell your dad he's hurting and not helping you. But be prepared. He doesn't seem like the type to admit when he's wrong. But you know that already and should expect it. You should set the example. Be a good daughter no matter what. Tell him you're leaving to stay over at friends'. If he says "helllnnoo go to your room!" do it. Use the strong will you have to "run away" / be independent by being good--especially when he is bad. Your dad will either tire of you and ask you to move out or he will see that you are a wonderful daughter (putting up with his anger, loneliness, what-have-you issues) and will follow your example. You may have to even pity your father. This may be your only protection against the hatred you feel towards him.

Answer 4

I choose to believe that your dad would very much care about your safety if you weren't there, though I readily admit he's made some mistakes as a parent. I don't know what you wrote because it was censored out, but the fact that they did that means it couldn't have been a good utterance, and your father should not be speaking to you in that manner. But thankfully, neither you, your dad, me or anyone else on earth is defined by single moments in our lives because everyone does and says stupid, hurtful things sometimes. Moreover, he shouldn't violate your privacy unless you've had a history of making such a gesture necessary. Emotionally you have a right to feel anyway or anything you want to, but "hate" is a powerfully destructive emotion that not only destroys the target but the sender as well. It's like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat, and it scars your soul. If at all possible, I would avoid that extreme...for his sake, and for yours.

Answer 5

I don't think your dad hates you, maybe he was just disappointed in the notes he read and was angry. I know that my parents have said things way out of line, but i've never really took it to heart... otherwise i would be a bigger mess than what i already am. You're right, you do deserve privacy... and it wasn't right of him to call you a stupid female dog either, so confront him and let him know how you feel and how you felt.

Running away won't solve issues, it will just cause more. He would just end up getting more upset with you. We all hate our parents at some point, but remember... you won't be living under his roof forever.

If your dad really doesn't care, then maybe you should seek a school counsler to talk to. Maybe call your friends and talk to them about your feeling... or even get a journal to write in.


And yes, you spelt privacy wrong. Hah.

Answer 6

I don't think a Dad could ever hate a child, but he has no right to treat you like that.

Just let him know straight up how your feeling!
Let him know everything on your mind and tell him, if you ever want to gain my respect you need to give me some in return. Get your point across. Let him know your willing to try if he's willing to try. You want a dad not an enemy, thats the least you can give each other. Ask him if he really hates you?

Contact your friend before hand, make sure you have a place to stay. If you want you can even leave him for the night, so he can reflect on what you said. Tell him where you'll be and when you'll be back...

It's a long shot, but if you want to start fresh you have to address the problem head on.

Answer 7

Well, at 17 just hang in there a little while longer and get your own personal life together so that you are READY to move out at 18, financially and otherwise. Any father who would say that, well, who knows, he has problems, but people often use the word hate but it's not really the right word. Hate consumes and destroys, so make sure you don't do that toward him, there may be some other emotion, but don't do hate. Get away from this nitwit when you turn 18 and don't look back.

Answer 8

On one hand, your father has every right to look in your stuff...make sure you're not doing drugs, not talking to 50 year old men on the internet, along these lines...if just to snoop to be nosy, then no, it isn't right that he did so. You are living under his rules so to some extent you'll have to deal with them. He doesn't have the right to control you just for the sake of controlling you.
What he said to you is the bigger concern. WHY would a father say such a thing to his child? THAT may be something you can talk to a counselor(at school, at the boys and girls club, look in the phone book for options for you, like call the boystown hotline? It's not just for boys...) get some advice.
I can understand why you hate your dad right now. He's said some awful things, but unless he's physically or sexually abusing you, he is your family...find out why he says he hates you, both of you could use counseling! Good luck

Answer 9

I don't think it is ok to hate anyone in general. Hate is such a strong word, but you can "extremely dislike" (=. But dang, I can't believe he went through your stuff then yelled at you.. what's up with that, makes no sense. If your dad was so neglectful towards you that he didn't even care that you ran away, it's still not ok to hate your dad. Your dad is your blood, your family, and has to have the authoritative over you. If you look at the positive, maybe he was looking through your notes to check up on you, maybe he was wondering if you weren't doing bad things at school and such. If nothing helps, and your dad verbally abusing you is the result.. just ONE more year, and you will be 18, you are free to leave. I hope everything works out for the best. God Bless!

Answer 10

Sweetie, it's okay to get mad and be angry. After reading what you go through, it's clear that you're not the one that has the problem. It's your dad. Your dad never learned to control his anger and therefore says ugly things and uses the word "hate." First, FORGIVE him for going through your stuff & forgive him for saying the ugly things he said to you. It doesn't mean he'll be your best friend because you're not doing it for him, you're forgiving him for you. So that you can move on with a peace of mind and not let this cloud you or your future. Then tell him that it hursts ALOT that he tells you he hates you and it hurts when he calls you names. Let him know that he can be mad without all the ugliness. Try this before running away. It may be as simple as talking to him. And, before initiating the talk, ask God for words of wisdom and kindness. God listens and He answers our prayers when we ask and pray with an open heart. Much love, sweetie. I will keep you in prayer....;-)