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So i just found out recently that my boyfriend has a wife! She was snooping and found my number and got in contact with me. She told me that they have been married since March of this year.
He is out in the field(he's in the military) right now, and won't be back til Friday he has no idea that she knows about me. I can't believe he lied to me, he wanted me to move with him to NC and everything. He said he loved me. I've never been in this situation before and i don't know what do to. I love him but don't want to be with him. She told me that he had told her about 3 weeks ago that he wanted a seperation but i'm guessing he decided he made a mistake..so she says. She asked me not to contact him when he gets back, but i'm pretty sure he will call me. and all i want is an explanation. What do i do?
P.S. I'm not looking to get back with him at all....i know i deserve better.

2007-10-24 11:00:35 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

a lil note: his wife has txt me quite a few times today telling me that she is going to stay with him because she's afraid of losing him. and also asking me if he has talked to me. I haven't responded and really don't want to.....I don't know what i got my self into. I think i'm going to change my number soon. agh...

2007-10-24 12:31:02 · update #1

33 answers

That is so sad - but common when you're talking miltary guys. It's the one in a million military guy with integrity and values - one you can really trust is a rare find indeed. Alot of guys go into the military for the freedom and the attention they can get. Most are not your strong freedom fighter in it for his country. Yeah - if you cared about him at all - an explanation would be nice. On the other hand - would even his explanation be the truth? He's one to drop to the bottom of the ocean like a large and heavy stone. If I were you, I'd talk to him like you don't know anything and tell him that you're really married and are going back to your husband and see what he says - or better yet - you can get money out of it - put him on the Cheaters show!

2007-10-24 11:07:58 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0 0

Wow! This is the most exciting thing i've heard in a week.

I'm so sorry that this must be a really hard time for you in your life right now. I can't believe that dude did that to you... and arn't you even more angry that you fell for everything he said. That's how i feel when i realize a guy has screwed me over. You should go up to him and say, "the beginning of every relationship needs honesty. Is there something you're hiding from me?" If he screams no there's nothing he's hiding. Then that gives you permission to slam your hand down on the table and go off at him over his wife. Then storm outta there! If he does say, "alright... i have a wife." Then gosh, i wouldn't know what to say. I'm just so used to being lied to myself.

2007-10-24 11:09:27 · answer #2 · answered by [REC]-in-process 3 · 0 0

Break it off with him and move on. If he cheated WITH you, he will cheat ON you. I'm very sorry that happened to you and sorry for how you found out, but I also feel very sorry for his wife. I agree, do NOT contact him, and if he does try to contact you, don't get into all the 3-way drama, just tell him you know about the wife and that you don't care if he intended to leave her or not, he lied to you and you deserve better than him no matter what he decides to do. There is NO explanation on earth that can excuse what he did to you or his wife, so don't even bother letting him try to come up with one--it will be lame if he even knows.
It's doubly sad that here he is off serving his country and when he gets back, instead of having 2 women to choose from, he may be stuck out with nobody, but you can't worry about that--it's his own fault.
If he contacts you, break it off quickly and firmly and leave no wiggle room for him to try and get back with you and also contact his wife and let her know that he contacted you. Then change your # or get a restraining order or whatever you need to do to put him out of your life.
Next time, you meet a guy, you need to do a little more digging to make sure you are getting the whole story before you get involved with him. Guys lie.

2007-10-24 11:08:50 · answer #3 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 0 0

Good for you for knowing that you shouldn't be with this guy. Even if you love him, he doesn't love you. He's a liar and a cheater. If he calls you then tell him that you found out that he's married. You don't have to say how you know unless he demands to know. Even still, he should have been honest. Another option would be not to return his call or answer the phone when he calls. Eventually he should realize you don't want to be with him.

2007-10-24 11:05:28 · answer #4 · answered by Rockit 6 · 2 0

you dont need an explaination because the guys a player and you have been duped. dont go near him he's an ar**hole. If he calls you hang up the phone. Theres no future with this boy [not man] and you have to understand that you have no rights to him. He's probably doing other women as well. Stay strong girl you'll survive. If you did get with him in a relationship he would probably cheat with someone else [even with his wife] while he's with you. Dont trust a cheater. Build a bridge and get over it honey. He's a dog

2007-10-24 11:09:55 · answer #5 · answered by cats mother 3 · 0 1

if he calls u, just be honest.

2007-10-24 11:05:27 · answer #6 · answered by Flash 2 · 1 0

He's a pig, what more of an explaination do you expect? Seriously, what's he supposed to say that will make you feel better? If he calls, just tell him you're not a homewrecker and hang up. Change your number if he keeps bugging you.

2007-10-24 11:06:09 · answer #7 · answered by redessa 5 · 0 0

oh yeah, i've been there. there's no logic with these guys, its a game and they are psychopaths. they don't realize that women have feelings. i'm sorry this had to happen to you. you can try to get an explanation but its most likely all going to be lies. once you get some anger out, i'd move on, he's not at all who you thought he was.

how long were you dating?

2007-10-24 11:07:54 · answer #8 · answered by laurie 4 · 0 0

Are you sure she's telling the truth? You'd better make sure, but I hate to tell you a lot of guys in the military do this kind of thing. Happened to an ex girlfriend of mine with a pilot who dated her and forgot to tell her he was married.
Sorry, find a better guy, that's all I can say.

2007-10-24 11:07:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

wow that totally sucks to find out ... I would let him give you an explanation if only so that you can have some sort of closure. I would definately NOT get involved with him again. If he did this to his wife, he would probably end up doing it to you in the long run.
Good luck!

2007-10-24 11:07:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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